CHINATOWN, SAN FRANCISCO 
SEVENTEEN YEARS EARLIER...

Chris loved Yum Cha.

Growing up with a father who barely remembered what cooking was and knew only how to program the things with traditional Irish fare, Chris Larabee had little opportunity to sample authentic Earth cuisine.

With food synthesizers capable of producing any kind of meal you want; the local foods of planet Earth had taken a back seat to the alien restaurants setting up shop. On Saturday nights, he’d take his bike to the eatery run by an Andorian named Frazz who swore like a miner and cooked like a galaxy class gourmet chef. The guy’s redbat pies were to die for. If you were feeling especially adventurous, you’d try Tellerite food (but that usually meant you needed antacid after), and for something subtle, according to his new roommate Buck Wilmington, Betazoid was great for first dates.

When Chris arrived at Starfleet Academy in San Francisco, Buck had talked him into asking out a girl named Ling because he was spending too much time with the books. Just to shut the guy up, Chris agreed and allowed Ling to pick the restaurant for their dinner date. She introduced Chris to the concept of Yum Cha.

At first, he was dubious since the word Yum Cha meant ‘drinking tea’ and no matter how hot she was, (and she was really, really hot), he wasn’t shelling out a whole bunch of credits to drink tea. He was raised on a college campus and took his dinner (and his credits) pretty seriously. Fortunately, Ling who was of Cantonese extraction assured him he’d be well sated once they got to the place.

Since she was hot (really, really hot), Chris gave her the benefit of the doubt.

The meal was nothing like what he expected. The restaurant, called the Lotus Blossom Tea House, was packed to the hilt with what appeared to be every Asian in San Francisco. He appeared to be the only Caucasian in the place. There was no sedate, polite, dinner conversation but rousing, enthusiastic chatter which he immediately liked. Chopsticks clacked and plates clattered. The meal of dinner wasn’t just a meal to be eaten, but a social event where the business of the day was splayed out across the white tablecloth like the meals being served.

And that was the other thing – there were no menus.

Trolleys laden with exotic foods were wheeled around the restaurant, like a moving buffet where you took what you wanted and waved away what you didn’t. That, however, was rare with waitresses who brought more and more interesting dishes. Small portions were placed in front of him, but they were numerous, and they never seemed to stop coming. He loved the food and moreover, he loved the atmosphere, it was alive and so very human. When Chris left, he felt as if he had a 12-course meal and was more enamored by the food than he was with the girl.

After a couple of dates and Ling started seeing some guy from the JAG office, Chris continued to come to the Tea House, sometimes with other girls and sometimes on his own. He tried to talk Buck into it once but when the native Texan had asked ‘Is there steak? Chris suspected he might be dealing with a lost cause. So, he’d come here every month or so, becoming adept enough to pick up some Cantonese (at least when it came to ordering), so he was able to converse with the owners of the place, a nice couple who went by the name of Vanita and Elden Wong.

Now he was here, sitting at a table, sipping Bo Lei (tea) after snacking on an assortment of dumplings and rice noodle rolls when he glanced through the glass window and glimpsed at something that made him forget food completely.

With dark brown hair flowing down her back, she was wearing a white dress that flowed around her ankles and clung to her shoulders with thin straps. The sun was bouncing off her flawless peaches and cream complexion. She didn’t walk so much as seem to glide along the sidewalk. Her dark eyes were sweeping across the storefronts and the buildings like it were the most wondrous thing she’d ever seen and the delight on her face speared his heart with the arrow of her glorious smile.

He was out of the restaurant before she moved past the window, paying hastily because losing sight of her was more than he could stand. Chris supposed if there was some consolation to be had by the fact he was floored by a woman, it was Buck wasn’t here. His roommate would undoubtedly try to play wingman, which would get either one or both of them slapped and force Chris to kill him later.

The girl was peering through the window of a Chinese funeral home, not a morbid thing if you understood how the Chinese sent their dead into the afterlife. It wasn’t unlike the Egyptians and involved burning paper effigies of things the departed might want to wait for them in the afterlife. When Chris told Buck about it, Buck had instructed effigies of Orion slave girls to be burnt at his funeral. Chris didn’t think he was kidding.

“You know, I’ve seen effigies of star cruisers and golden statues made in there,” Chris leaned against the glass next to the girl, trying to come off sounding very learned and worldly instead of some cadet who was completely smitten.

The girl turned to him and smiled. Chris could have melted on the spot right there. Yeah, he was bagged, tagged and ready for delivery anywhere she wanted.

“Really?” She asked with an accent he could tell immediately wasn’t native to Earth. There was a slight twinge of Aldarian phonetics in her speech that made her sound incredibly exotic, at least to him anyway. “I’ve met people with Chinese backgrounds before, but this is the first time I’ve ever encountered this.” Her eyes raked over him slowly, the corner of her lips tugging upwards in a slight smile.

Even her teeth were perfect, Chris sighed inwardly.

“Well I’m from Massachusetts and it was a first for me too when I came here,” Chris explained, breaking into a smile of his own, trying to remember what Buck said about being charming. Christ, he must have it bad for her if he was resorting to employing Buck’s dating tips. “It’s an old tradition apparently, not practiced as much now as it was back in the day…whenever that was.”

“I see,” she nodded, her eyes meeting him with more than passing interest.

Chris was ready to cry victory but held back premature celebrations of triumph. You just didn’t get cocky with this girl. In a sudden burst of premonition, Chris knew no matter what, she was always going to have the upper hand with him. “So, you’re from Aldaria Colony?”

Her eyes lit up and Chris felt an inward sigh of longing escape him. Just perfect.

“Yes,” she beamed. “How did you know?”

“The accent,” he replied. “I got a good ear for these things.” Not to mention he had grown up in a university which meant he was exposed to every race and species for most of his youth.

“Very good,” she said impressed. “I am from Aldaria colony; I’m going to college at Stanford University.”

“Really? What are you studying?” Chris asked, finding that unusual. Most people opted for the Academy even if they didn’t plan on pursuing a career at Starfleet. The Academy was the most diverse and well-funded institution on the planet. While there were universities around and Stanford, from what Chris knew, was one of the older and better ones, it was still a little bit of a surprise to meet someone who went there.

“Education,” she answered promptly. “And you’re in Starfleet Academy.”

“Uniform give me away?” He joked, glancing down at the Academy grey he was wearing.

“That and you have that charming and dangerously confident look about you,” she pointed out.

“Is that bad?” Chris returned, wondering what it was about him that made people think that. Buck said it was the eyes. Chris hoped this wasn’t going to put her off. He really liked her.

“Not at all,” she shook her head, her brown hair shimmering against her shoulders as her swan-like neck moved. “You’re the first Academy cadet that’s tried to pick me up.”

“What…?” Chris looked at her, trying to feign innocence. “I wouldn’t do that, I just thought you were interested in Chinese culture.” He almost groaned inwardly at how lame that sounded. Maybe he did need Buck to play wingman after all.

“Oh, it’s all right,” she laughed. “I don’t mind.”

“You don’t?” Chris raised a brow, once again thinking he was right about never being able to fool her.

“Not at all,” she smiled at him with a look he couldn’t quite read. Thanks to being in Buck Wilmington’s company, Chris was starting to learn the range of female reactions, from starry-eyed romantic to the pissed off ‘you slept with my best friend’ outrage, however, the way she was looking at him now? Chris had no idea.

“I’m a pacifist,” she replied. “I don’t believe in what Starfleet does or represents but I don’t hold that against you, just as long as you know that if you pick me up, I’m only interested in dating. I just don’t see a future for us beyond that.”

Considering he saw forever in her eyes, Chris was somewhat disappointed, but he was also an optimist, so he’d take what he could get. Besides a girl like this? You didn’t let go for anything. He was convinced if he tried hard enough, he might move her on the subject.

“I can do a fling,” Chris smiled, not about to cry defeat. “But how do you know I’m that interested?”

“Of course, you are,” she moved away from the glass. “You stopped eating your dinner just to come out and talk to me.” She had seen him in the restaurant earlier and thought he was handsome, though the uniform made her disregard the attraction and continue her explorations of Chinatown.

“I did not…” Chris lied. “Well, I could just go back and finish.”

“You could,” she nodded before stepping off the sidewalk. “Or we could finish dinner together.” She winked and made her way towards the entrance of the Lotus Blossom Tea House. “Coming Admiral?”

Chris was grinning. She was amazing.

“Admiral?” he had to ask following her across the road, offering her his arm which she took. Very cool, he thought.

“Isn’t that what all you Starfleet cadets dream of becoming? Admirals?”

“Too cushy,” Chris laughed, supposing that for some it wasn’t an unfair assumption. However, all he had ever wanted to be was the captain of his own ship. “I prefer Captain.”

“Okay, Captain it is,” she amended. “Captain what?”

“Captain Chris Larabee,” Chris replied, playing her game. “And you?”

“Sarah,” she answered as they crossed the street. “Sarah Conley.”

“First Officer’s Log - Stardate 2378.104.

The Maverick is presently undergoing refit at Spacedock following our recall to Sector 001 seven days ago when a transwarp aperture was detected one light year from Earth. Apertures of this type have only one known origin and are usually the prelude to the arrival of a Borg ship. Along with the Maverick, thirty starships including the Sovereign-class Enterprise and the Defiant-class Defiant was summoned to Earth by Starfleet Command to deal with the terrifying possibility of yet another Borg attack.

Fortunately, the battle we feared never eventuated. By their nature, transwarp apertures are the exit points of transwarp conduits employed by the Collective to cover the great distances between quadrants in short periods of time. This one was formed when the USS Voyager, lost in the Delta Quadrant for seven years, was able to gain access to a Borg Transwarp Hub to return home. Voyager emerged from the aperture shortly after obliterating the hub located in the Delta Quadrant. We have yet to determine what effect this might have on the Collective’s ability to reach Earth, but it will certainly make their incursions to Sector 001 a good deal more complicated.

Of course, the threat is by no means over. Even without the Hub, the Borg still have access to transwarp technology which means they can still reach us in the Alpha Quadrant, just not as quickly as before and if they do so, it will almost certainly be from the direction of the Frontier. In any case, the battle we believed we were going to fight has instead become a celebration of Voyager’s return home.

Both the Captain and I are especially pleased with Voyager’s return to the Alpha Quadrant since we are both personally acquainted with Captain Janeway from our time as cadets at Starfleet Academy. As an instructor, Kathy was always available to help younger cadets navigate Academy life, and it is no surprise to either of us to know how well she was able to hold her crew together during those seven years lost in the wilderness.

Following the festivities, however, it appears Voyager has returned home with significant technological advances specifically designed for dealing with Borg attacks and as a result, those improvements are being adapted for all current starships in service. Since the Maverick is the first line of defense against any future Borg incursions, we have been ordered to spacedock to adapt these new technologies to our systems. As a result, the Captain has authorized shore leave for all personnel while we are undergoing the modifications.

I have chosen to remain on board the Maverick to allow the Captain some time off the ship. The Captain has been somewhat distracted of late and although he has not revealed the cause to me, I believe the time away the ship will do him some good. He will be accompanying Adam Larabee to Starfleet Academy to take a tour of the facility since Adam intends to attend the Academy in the following year. “

********

Rain plastered his blond hair to his face, but Chris Larabee didn’t care, nor did he feel the moisture against his skin. Even though the weather was controlled by the Earth’s climate control systems, Chris had paid little attention to the warning of impending rain when he made this pilgrimage against his better judgement.

He knew he shouldn’t be here. In fact, for five years he made certain to not ever be on Earth at this time, but circumstances ensured he did not have a choice in the matter. The possibility of the Borg in the vicinity of Sector 001 demanded nothing less than the presence of the Maverick but he had every intention of leaving as soon as the danger was over. However, as it turned out, what was meant to be another Borg attack became a celebration of Voyager’s return home.

Once again, Chris would have opted out of the festivities, but Kathryn Janeway was a friend. During his and Buck’s sophomore year at the Academy, Kathy had been an instructor and thanks to her, she had helped them pass some of the more painful science courses for that semester. Since then, they had always kept in touch and shared a drink whenever time permitted. Hell, she’d been at his wedding. How could he not remain behind and see how she was doing? Especially after what the woman and her crew had been through in the Delta Quadrant.

Nevertheless, Chris had intended leaving Earth orbit as soon as he paid his respects to Kathy and head back to the frontier at Warp nine, but that had denied him too.

Thanks to Voyager’s time in the Delta Quadrant dealing with the Borg, she had returned with formidable technology that would aid in their defenses against the Collective and with the Maverick being on the front line of that fight, she was the first ship to be given the modifications. Chris had every intention of remaining on board his ship and overseeing the improvements with Chief Engineer Julia Pemberton when Adam had thrown another curveball in his direction by asking him for a tour of Starfleet Academy.

At this point, Chris was convinced the universe was conspiring against him.

If he needed any further proof of this, the instant Adam arrived at the Academy and discovered the number of female cadets per capita exceeded anything close to the numbers on the Maverick, the teenager had promptly ditched him for the first redhead he saw. Once again, Chris had to question if the universe was having a great deal of amusement at his expense since it was becoming painfully clear he was raising a younger version of Buck Wilmington.

While common sense would have had him transport back to the Maverick while Adam exhausted the full vent of his teenage hormones on the hapless females of the Academy, he found himself here, almost against his will, at the one place in the universe he had no wish to be.

The Lotus Blossom Tea House was still there, surrounded by the colorful architecture of San Francisco’s Chinatown district. It looked exactly as it had the day he had been dining there and happened to look across the street at the very place he was standing right now. On this spot, Chris had sighted his future and lost his heart completely.

Even though he had learned to let her go these past two years, there was a secret part of him that dared not admit his love for Mary would never burn as hot or as brightly as it had for Sarah. Sarah had taken his heart from the minute he laid eyes on her and every day he got to spend with her after that first date at the tea house was a blessing. When she died, she took the light with her, a light that only now since Mary entered his life, had been rekindled but nowhere as intensely.

The teahouse had not changed and even from across the street, he could see through the wide picture window, Vanita and Elden holding court with a full house of hungry diners. Once again, he watched the carts being pushed between the tables, with waiters and waitresses pausing to dole out small portions of food from the moving banquet. He used to love the cuisine but lost all taste for it after Sarah was gone. Considering how many meals they shared here and how they tried to get back to the teahouse for their anniversaries, it simply hurt too much without her.

Wiping his eyes, he knew not all the moisture on his face was rain and at that moment, more than any other point in his life, the ache for her nearly broke him in half.

“You’ll catch a cold if you keep standing out here like this.”

With utter astonishment, Chris turned his head sideways and saw Josiah Sanchez standing beside him, holding an umbrella over his head to shield him from being further soaked by the rain.

“Josiah,” Chris stared at him in shock, “what are you doing here?”

Josiah did not look at him, his gaze fixed on the teahouse, surrounded by the colorful atmosphere of Chinatown which could not be dampened even by inclement weather. “I thought you could use some company. You’ve been a little on edge these last few days.”

Chris cursed inwardly, thinking he had hidden his distraction well and then supposing those who knew him would probably have seen through his facade easily enough. Damn, Chris thought, wishing he hadn’t landed himself the best Counsellor in Starfleet.

“It’s nothing,” Chris said stiffly, trying not to feel annoyed at Josiah for intruding because this was a wholly private matter. This place was his and Sarah’s, he wanted no one else to share in it.

“Fair enough,” Josiah nodded in understanding, perfectly aware how far to push when Chris Larabee was concerned. Instead, he kept his focus on the teahouse, watching the activity through the large window. “Seems pretty lively. They serve good food there?”

“Best Yum Cha in the quadrant,” Chris said almost quietly. He kept his gaze averted, denying Josiah the chance to look into his eyes and see the vulnerability he was exposed by being here.

“Looks it,” the Counsellor commented before moving his gaze away from the restaurant to examine the eclectic skyline of Chinatown, with its mish-mash of modern architecture and old pagoda-roofed traditions. “You know I’ve never been to Chinatown.”

Now that did make Chris look at him. “You’re kidding. You were stationed in San Francisco for almost thirty years and you’ve never been here?” The idea of anyone being able to avoid Chinatown, one of the city’s most important landmarks, not to mention its most colorful places, was beyond Chris’s ability to comprehend.

“Nope,” Josiah shook his head, not at all repentant by this revelation. “Ayla never liked Asian food. Just didn’t agree with her Betazoid constitution so we never came here. It's very colorful. though” He remarked staring at the rows of shops, selling everything from medicines to exotic spices and traditional silk clothing.

“Yeah,” Chris replied. “Right over there,” he pointed to what was some kind of bookstore, “there used to be a funeral home, with these interesting effigies you’re supposed to take into the afterlife and further along from that, a traditional Asian bakery. Sarah and I used to...”

Chris fell silent and glared at Josiah through narrowed eyes. “That was sneaky.”

“I was married to a Betazoid telepath,” Josiah shrugged. “If I didn’t learn to be sneaky, I would have been in trouble a lot.”

“I miss her Josiah,” Chris admitted quietly, now that Josiah had tricked him into mentioning Sarah. “Even after all this time, even with Mary in my life, I still miss her. I miss not waking up next to her, not hearing her hum those old songs she liked or tease me about becoming an Admiral someday. I can make peace with her being gone, I can almost stand not knowing who might have taken her away from me, but I can’t let go of her completely. This time of the year, no matter where I am in space, I always find myself on this corner, where I saw her for the first time.”

Josiah understood all too well Chris’s pain. He too had lost a wife. Three years ago, Ayla had been taken from him after almost thirty years of marriage and it was Chris Larabee who saved him from becoming lost in his grief. At least he had the benefit of closure with Ayla, for they knew their time together was ending. Chris was afforded no such kindness. He lost Sarah in the worst way possible, through an act of murder and with her, their son as well. Ayla had left him with daughters to comfort him, but Chris was forced to go on alone.

“Well then,” Josiah said. “Perhaps we should go get a drink.”

“A drink?” Chris stared at him. “That’s your solution?”

“Is there anything I could say that would make you feel better?” The counsellor challenged.

Chris had to say no.

“Then a drink it is,” Josiah declared before adding, “Chris this wasn’t about counselling you. It was about letting you know you didn’t have to go through this day alone. So, if we have to do it getting so drunk we can’t stand up, I’m game.”

“You’re a hell of an analyst,” Chris managed a smile, grateful Josiah had come and goaded him enough to expunge some of the pain inside him. The loss of Sarah still felt heavier today but now that he had it, the company was appreciated.

“I am,” Josiah smiled. “And don’t you ever forget it.”

********

Ezra Standish hadn’t been to Mars in years.

In fact, he wouldn’t be going there at all if it were not for the fact, he needed something to occupy his time while Julia Pemberton was on board the Maverick, supervising the refit the ship was presently undergoing at Spacedock. Under normal circumstances, Ezra would have insisted on being present during any improvements made to the ship’s defensive capabilities, however, the modifications being conducted were so extensive, there was little for him to do until engineering aspects of the refit were completed.

Aside from an invitation to stay at the Pemberton Home made by Julia’s parents, Ezra had no other plans and he did not feel it appropriate to take up the offer when she needed to remain on the ship. Not that he did not find Julia’s parents perfectly charming. Julia’s father, Donald Pemberton, was the latest in the long line of Cape Cod shipwrights and it seemed Julia was the first one in her family to work on a ship that was in space.

Donald made his living fashioning vintage boats and having seen the Spirit yacht the man built to take them sailing off the Cape, Ezra had to admit to being impressed by his skill. With two other siblings, Julia being the youngest, her brother Anson who worked with their father and sister Jennifer, Julia’s mother Eleanor had opted to remain at home to raise her family. After growing up with Maude, Ezra had not believed there were still women who chose to live this way and seemed perfectly content by it.

In any case, the lady welcomed him into her home, admitting quietly out of Julia’s hearing of course, they were glad their little Julie had finally met someone she liked. Furthermore, as anxious as Julia had been about Ezra meeting her father, Donald was actually a rather colorful sea dog who enjoyed good liquor and a card game. This had somewhat astonished Julia who like all daughters, placed her father on something of a pedestal but adjusted quickly if it meant Ezra and Donald would get along, which they did.

Seeing Julia with her family, gave Ezra some insight into why the love of his life was the way she was. She had grown up with supportive parents with old world sensibilities, who still went to church and had Sunday dinners together but were by no means constrained by the past. They enjoyed their traditions but were open to the ideas of the present and Ezra had to admit, he was a little taken by all of them, especially when they gave him an open invitation to come and go as he pleased while the Maverick was on Earth.

Nevertheless, he left Julia to her devices and chose instead to take the opportunity to devote himself to the riddle he neglected lately, even though he promised Chris Larabee to do the opposite some months ago. With everything that had taken place since the destruction of the Hobus Star, the Maverick’s crash landing on Loren III, their journey to an alternate universe and their recent trauma on Hadir, the investigation into the deaths of Sarah and Adam Larabee had been forgotten much to his chagrin.

Fortunately, the presence of Adam from the alternate universe had kept the Captain preoccupied and if he noticed the lack of progress in the investigation on Ezra’s part, he did not make any mention of it. Still, Ezra did not feel any better about letting the matter fall to the wayside, especially since he knew how important it was to the Captain to uncover the truth. Ezra wanted to solve this mystery, not because Chris Larabee was his Captain but also because he was a friend. Like Chris, Ezra did not believe Q’s revelation had meant to be an unkindness and if such was the case, then a murderer was somewhat out there, having eluded justice for five years.

That did not sit at all well with Ezra Standish.

Still, uncovering the truth was not easy once he scrutinized the reports and data pad regarding the accident. After searching through every iota of information on the subject, Ezra had found nothing to disprove the theory that the destruction of the shuttle Magellan, flying over the skies above Syria Planum at the time, had been due to anything but an accident. Yet Ezra had a nose for trouble like no man alive and despite the evidence of cold hard data proving otherwise, Ezra knew in his gut something was wrong.

He could feel it.

Unfortunately, the limitations of viewing data through a digital medium meant he wasn’t really seeing the true scene of the crime, merely reading second-hand reports describing the accident, which would not do to the methodical investigator. Ezra prided himself in being able to see through lies, in being able to look past the surface. The trouble with reports and specs was the lack of texture, beyond the cold hard facts. There was something to be found in all these numbers and specifications, he could feel it, but the medium of its delivery kept Ezra from seeing it.

A murder was a wholly emotional affair and viewing it through the eyes of technology meant the important clues could be missed.

It was why he had transported from the Maverick to the main promenade in the Central Hub of the Utopia Planitia Shipyards in orbit around Mars. The facility was where most Starfleet vessels were constructed and one of the largest in the quadrant, manned by almost ten thousand staff on a permanent basis. Here, ships were not merely built from the ground up so to speak but designed by the best engineers in the Federation.

As the shimmer of the transporter beam diminished, Ezra saw a sea of blue uniforms scurrying about the place like ants, while large picture windows revealed the latticework of docking stations occupied by ships in partial stages of construction. Swarming around them were smaller ships occupied by construction crews and workmen in enviro-suits. It was hard not to be a little taken by the grandeur of the work being carried out.

“So why am I here again?” Alexandra Styles asked.

When Ezra had contacted her earlier this morning while she and Vin had been at their Texas ranch, Alex had been rather surprised that his reasons had to do with the investigation into Sarah and Adam Larabee’s death. Since he assumed the responsibility of solving this puzzle for the Captain, Ezra had been rather closed mouth regarding its progress and Alex understood his reasoning had to do with not wanting to give the Captain any false hopes until he had definitive answers for the man.

After all, no one wanted a repeat of Chris’s behavior at Fury 361.

Surprise or not, the request for her assistance was one she was willing to grant without question. Aside from being her husband’s best friend, Alex would walk through fire for Chris Larabee. The man had earned her fierce loyalty by his unwavering support ever since she arrived on the Maverick, carryings scars and traumas that would have given a lesser commander pause. Chris had fought for her and broken through her rage at the moment of her darkest despair, reminding her there were things worth living for. If not for him, she would never have dared to build a life with Vin.

Thus, there was nothing she would not do to help him find the same peace.

“Well,” Ezra turning to her. “I require the expertise of an engineer and since Julia and the rest of our engineering staff are engaged in the refit of the Maverick, I thought you might be of assistance helping me examine the wreckage of the Magellan.”

That made sense. As a science officer, she had an advanced understanding of engineering principles. While it was nowhere in the caliber of Julia Pemberton, it was still formidable enough to be of assistance if Ezra needed the help. However, hearing the mention of the Magellan did surprise her somewhat. Anyone who ever took even a cursory look at the Captain’s personnel file knew the name of the shuttlecraft that was destroyed in the accident involving his family. When Ezra had asked for her help, she hadn’t been sure what it was he needed of her, but she certainly hadn’t expected this.

“It’s here?” She asked, supposing it made sense that the wreckage would be stored here since it was the largest Starfleet facility on Mars.

“Yes,” Ezra nodded as they crossed the busy promenade with its row of businesses catering to the personnel on board, the wide observation windows and the steady flow of people moving across the deck. “All of it was transported here after the investigation was concluded.”

“What do you think you’ll find?” Alex asked, knowing Ezra would not have made the journey here or enlisted her help for that matter without good reason.

“To be honest my dear Alexandra,” Ezra remarked as they approached the nearest turbo lift. “I am uncertain of what we are looking for. I only know I have gone as far as I can, viewing reports. The crime scene no longer exists so I cannot view that, and, in this case, it would be a patch of red sand on Mars that has long been covered by the winds by now. I need to peruse the evidence myself and I believe a second set of eyes may help me if I miss anything. Next, to myself, you are the only one on the Maverick, with a similar degree of methodology.”

Alex raised a brow. “You mean the only one paranoid enough?” She asked, perfectly aware of what he was alluding to behind those erudite words.

“I prefer methodical.” Ezra flashed a dimpled grin at her.

Alex rolled her eyes. “All right Ezra. For the Captain, I’m at your disposal.”

********

You know, we could have gone to dinner someplace nice for a change,” Buck Wilmington commented as he sat at the small dining table inside the quarters of Inez Recillos. “Just because the Captain left the ship in my hands, doesn’t mean I can’t take a night off to go grab some dinner on Earth. We could go to the Champs-Elysées or even talk a stroll through the French Quarter in New Orleans.”

Since most of the senior staff had left the Maverick to enjoy some well-deserved shore leave, leaving Buck in charge of the Maverick, he had been enjoying dinner with Inez almost every night. Even though their relationship was still platonic, Buck had to admit he enjoyed breaking bread with her at the end of a long day, sharing the meals she replicated while they engaged in conversations that felt intimate without it being sexual at all.

Inez looked over her shoulder from where she was standing in front of the replicator, crooking a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him. “I am wise to your ways Commander Wilmington, I have no intention of going to your usual hunting grounds to be swept away by your repertoire of cheap moves.” She declared with a playful smirk.

Buck was not at all offended, not when she was saying those words while wearing a figure-hugging dress with a neckline low enough to be slightly scandalous. They had been edging towards something more than just intimate conversation for some time now and the fact that she was flirting with him told Buck that given enough time, she might actually trust him enough with her heart as well as her body. Considering his feelings for her, Buck was willing to be patient.

Inez was starting to see him as someone she could care about, something he knew was not easy to do after losing her longtime fiancé Raphael Castille of the Venture. Even though they had only been sharing dinner, he knew it wouldn’t be long before these occasions turned into an actual date.

“All right, I just didn’t want you to go to any trouble,” Buck said watching her come back to the table, carrying a bottle of wine.

“I am hardly in the kitchen Buck,” she flashed him a little smile, touched by his consideration. “Besides, all you First Officers are the same, you never want to leave the ship when you have the center seat.”

Buck couldn’t lie, he didn’t. While his ambitions to become a captain of a ship himself was nowhere as determined since assuming the role of Chris’s First Officer, he did like being in charge when the opportunity arose. Besides, he had been so happy to get Chris off the ship for a few days, he was willing to forego shore leave on Earth and staying on board had allowed him to share these dinners with Inez.

Reaching the table, Inez filled the glass in front of him with wine and did the same for her own before sitting down. “You think going to Earth will make him feel better?”

“Only if Adam can keep him distracted long enough,” Buck sighed. “This time of the year is always hard for him. He doesn’t think I know why and I’m not about to approach it with him, but it’s not something he can talk to Mary about either.”

Inez understood, guessing why. “Because it involves Sarah?”

There was only one subject the Captain would not discuss with his oldest friend and First Officer and that was his wife and son. Inez recalled how Chris had been after learning their deaths might not have been accidental. For two months, Chris Larabee was obsessed, neglecting not only the ship but the people in his life, pushing his relationship with Mary Travis almost to the brink of disaster. In the end, it was only the events on Fury 361 that brought him back to his senses. No one wanted to see a repeat of that.

“Yeah,” Buck nodded. “It’s pretty close to the day he met her. I don’t know the date exactly but it’s around this time of year. I only met her a few days after their first meeting, so I know this much.”

“I understand,” Inez said with a sigh, empathizing with the Captain on this point at least. Even though she was starting to move past it, she still felt the sting of Raphael’s death. “I haven’t wanted to go home to Val Verde either.”

Buck felt silent, reluctant to say anything because of the man he could never hope to replace in her heart. Instead, Buck allowed her the time to reflect and waited patiently until she was ready to see him again. Such moments lasted briefly, and Buck had to admit the time taken for her to overcome them was becoming shorter and shorter these days.

“But,” she blinked and looked up at him, flashing him that dazzling smile capable of nailing him between the eyes. “I am glad for this.” She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “I’ve really enjoyed these dinners.”

“Me too,” Buck smiled, pleased to see he was all that was reflected in her eyes. “I’d still like to take you someplace nice before we leave Earth that is.”

“Tell you what,” she leaned forward, “when we go on a real date, I’ll take you.”

The suggestive gleam in her eyes made Buck wonder if she was talking about a date and decided whatever she meant, he was really going to be looking forward to it.

It always astonished Ezra Standish how an experience could differ so dramatically from medium to medium. Considering himself to be a man with an active imagination, always able to see clarity in muddled data, finding shape in the formless, and patterns when others saw discord, Ezra believed he possessed the imagination to visualize any scene described to him. This was a necessary aspect of the job since as an investigator, he was often called onto a scene after the fact and was required to extrapolate the incident from second-hand accounts and expired data.

Thus, he could admit to being utterly unprepared when he saw the Magellan for himself.

For the first time, Ezra could well understand why Chris Larabee had spiraled into the depths of despair, how he could have become so gripped with the need for an answer after Q’s revelation, he almost jeopardized his command. How would Chris have reacted seeing this for the first time, with the smell of singed metal and the whiff of noxious plasma residue still clinging to the wreckage? How would it be seeing this damage, knowing every fragment and scrap of twisted metal, was a badge of doom for the occupants within.

How did it feel to know, when the craft cracked apart like an egg, your wife and child were inside being incinerated alive?

Until Ezra stood in front of the wreckage of the Magellan, it had been an academic exercise for him, a riddle to be solved because for an investigator, emotion could not enter the equation. To be effective, he had to be mercurial and so he approached the study of Chris’s investigation with an impartial eye, hoping to see something in the evidence unblemished by personal trauma. Yet now, he could well understand why the Captain had almost driven himself insane trying to seek out the truth. What else could the man do to live with such utter destruction?

“My God,” Alex whispered as she stood next to him inside the storage bay, inside one of the many salvage berths located at the Utopia Planitia shipyards, floating above Mars.

The shuttle just hadn’t exploded, it appeared as if every piece had been torn to shreds. The fuselage was broken up so completely, it looked as if someone had taken to it with a plasma cutter. Even though quite a bit of the wreckage was recovered over the plains of Syria Planum, none of the pieces was larger than a coffee can. Spread out across the floor over a dark roll of protective sheeting, it was hard to imagine this collection of scrap metal was once a shuttlecraft ferrying people.

On a datapad, it was easy to miss the scale in relation to the size of the debris but seeing it with his own eyes as Chris must have seen it in the aftermath of the crash, made him appreciate the reason for the Captain’s anguish. He could well understand why Chris was so ready to believe foul play. Ezra had been to crash sites before and this level of fragmentation on a ship was extreme. No accident Ezra ever investigated, could explain this kind of destruction.

“Indeed.” Ezra agreed. “The blast was extremely thorough.”

“I suppose it could be attributed to the Magellan being an older shuttle. It might not possess the structural tolerance of newer models,” Alex mused, trying to account for what she was seeing and finding the explanation, unsatisfactory even as she said it. During her time at DS9, at the height of the hostilities between the Dominion and the Federation, she had seen the wreckage of ships after engagements between Starfleet and the Jem’Hadar and it did not produce damage like this.

“According to the investigators of the accident,” Ezra said still studying the pieces strewn in front of them. “The plasma seals in the main engines failed, causing the magnetic containment field to lower and expose the anti-matter in the warp core.” He paused a moment and took a deep breath. “What made me ignore the notion of this being an accident, Q’s revelation notwithstanding, was the fact I have been able to count the number of times plasma seals have failed to such a catastrophic degree. In most cases, there was always a human agent involved”

“But they found nothing here,” Alex countered, playing devil’s advocate because this was usually how she and Ezra unraveled a problem before presenting it to either Buck or the Captain. On the Maverick, they often found themselves on the same side of an argument, largely because neither was willing to take anything at face value. While they often relied on instincts to guide them, it was in their DNA to required evidence of proof. “According to the report, it was most likely a defective power chip that caused the failure. It is rare but known to take place on these older type shuttles.”

“There is also the matter of the unknown energy spike beforehand,” he added. “Nothing in the engineering logs or the shuttle’s diagnostics before launch can account for that. Prior to this, I was willing to believe it had nothing to do with the crash, but now...”

“You think it caused the plasma seals to breach,” Alex concluded and decided she too, disliked that unanswered question. Furthermore, by the way, Ezra’s eyes were fixed on the remains of the Magellan, he was seeing something she couldn’t. Ezra was one of the best investigators she knew and if he had latched on to an idea, she would remain silent while he mulled it around in his mind to give it shape.

“I think,” Ezra let out a sigh, “it is not a coincidence that the ship was pulverized so completely, any investigation into the cause would be at best speculation. Perhaps it is my suspicious nature, but I cannot believe this was not by design. The shuttle did not simply explode, it was obliterated and through the one system on board where no warning was possible.”

It was hard to argue with him when it was put so starkly and considering what was before them, even harder to deny.

“All right,” she met his eyes, approaching this methodically. “We’ve both seen wreckage from an anti-matter breach before this so we can both agree this is beyond the norm. Assuming the destruction was intentional, some catalyst had to be involved to make the blast so intensified.”

“Agreed,” Ezra nodded. “I would imagine something untraceable or some type of material that would not appear under scans, at least unless the instrumentation knew what it was seeking out.”

“Tricobalt based?” She suggested.

“No,” he discounted quickly, aware of such material was used on a smaller scale from the usual photon torpedo. “The size alone would require a detonator, and as dubious I am about civilian security, I do not believe they would miss the presence of such a device. Perhaps Gronerium?”

“Gronerium Compound 3983?” Alex mused, considering. “It does have a fast ignition rate, but I can’t imagine how you would introduce it to the plasma mix without setting off ten kinds of warnings before the breach. Whatever did this, it went by completely unnoticed.”

“True,” Ezra frowned, conceding the point. “What about Saurium-K?”

“No,” Alex shook her head, showing him why she was the Maverick’s science officer and the best person after Julia to enlist in this investigation. “It reacts badly with plasma. Yes, it will cause an explosion, but it would also leave a lot of trace amounts. The investigation team would have found that even on a routine scan. You need something that would decay rapidly, leaving little or no particulate residue, even on the microscopic level unless...”

Ezra saw her lapsing into silence which usually meant an idea was forming in her mind. After more than a year working with the woman, the Security Chief knew when the Science Officer was on the cusp of making an important discovery. He still recalled how she had been the first to realize a Dominion fleet was tracking the Maverick under a cloak, raising the alarm that allowed Chris Larabee to save all their lives. Just as he was unaware, she thought him the best Security Chief in the fleet, Ezra thought Alex was the best Science Officer there was.

When she looked up at him again, her eyes were dark with purpose and he knew she had found an answer.

“Bilitrium.”

Ezra’s eyes widened at the word and suddenly, his own thoughts were free-falling in a cascade of ideas, with pieces pulling together into a hypothesis that fitted so perfectly, he wondered how he could not have seen it himself. “It would not need to be mixed into anything,” he said nodding in understanding. “It would just need to be onboard, concealed.”

“Exactly,” she declared. “Bilitrium has the same chemical signature as diamond, so if you were smart, you could make it look like an ornament or hell, even a piece of jewelry. It wouldn’t come up as anything dangerous unless someone scans for it specifically.”

“All our culprit would have to do then is to leave it on board and simply wait,” Ezra continued his own deductions. “It would not react until the plasma seals were breached and the anti-matter was exposed. When the reaction interacted with the bilitrium, the explosive yield of the blast would have quadrupled, causing this level of destruction.” He indicated the debris on the ground.

“It’s why the Bajorans used it so extensively during the Cardassian Occupation,” Alex declared, remembering her discussions with Deep Space Nine’s security personnel, many of whom were former Resistance fighters. “It was a very effective terrorist weapon, virtually undetectable unless you knew what you were looking for.”

“The plan thus required getting the bilitrium on board, in whatever form it was shaped into and then replacing a power circuit on the Magellan with a defective component,” Ezra stated. “Then all they had to do was sit back, wait for the plasma seal to fail and produce a warp core breach. The resulting explosion would have completely obliterated everything.”

“Leaving nothing behind to raise suspicion.” Alex finished off. As she spoke, she was unhooking the tricorder off the belt at her hip, heading towards the nearest piece of wreckage to conduct a scan.

Seeing what she intended, Ezra spoke up. “See if you can scan for crystalline residue. Our bomber might be far more intelligent than we have given him credit for. If he or she timed the explosion to take place above the plains of Syria Planum, an area of Mars where mineral deposits are in abundance, the residue may be mistaken as the variety found in that location.”

“So even if it was detected, it wouldn’t seem out of the ordinary.”

Alex had to admit, whoever was responsible for the destruction of the Magellan had considered every possibility, she was rather impressed. Lapsing into silence again as she circled the debris collection with her tricorder, Alex wanted more than just one sample to confirm the hypothesis she and Ezra had just postulated. It was the first real evidence they had, the death of Sarah and Adam Larabee was no accident.

A soft chirp from the tricorder tore Ezra from his ruminations and he looked up to see Alex raising her own eyes from the tricorder display. Once again, she wore that same dark expression.

“Do not leave me in suspense,” he said neutrally. “What did you find?”

“It’s covered in bilitrum based crystalline residue Ezra,” she said quietly. “Q was right. It wasn’t an accident. They were murdered.”

********

It was about time.

He had been waiting for almost six months for something to happen and was starting to fear he might have to wait for another half year before he could leave this ugly scab of a world behind and return home. Unfortunately, his devotion to her meant he would not abandon his post, maintaining the charade necessary for his surveillance to continue, waiting for the inevitable arrival of Chris Larabee to Utopia Planitia. It seemed inevitable after the man began investigating the accident that saw his wife and child killed after the shuttle Magellan crashed on Syria Planum.

For two months, the Captain of the Maverick had devoted considerable time talking to all parties who might have been involved in the investigation related to the shuttle crash. It was puzzling why the man had suddenly taken an interest, five years after the event. By all accounts, once the grieving husband and father had finished his mourning, he moved on with his life. Rather successfully it appeared too. Furthermore, in the scheme of things, had he cared, it would not have mattered. Five years ago, Chris Larabee was just the First Officer of the Rutherford, another cog in the machinery of Starfleet.

Now it was different with Larabee’s fortunes changing considerably. He was no longer a junior officer but a captain, with all the privileges and authority that came with the rank. Worse yet, he had evolved from the shattered family man to a formidable commander, who was being celebrated as a ruthless tactician on par with Kirk. The man had sent the creators of the Borg running from Federation space, held fast against a Dominion attack fleet and more recently, destroyed four renegade Romulan warbirds in a single battle. A man like this had the potential to cause serious problems. Thus, he had been sent here to wait for the day Chris Larabee would arrive on Utopia Planitia in search of answers.

Except he hadn’t.

Just as suddenly as the investigation resumed six months earlier, it stopped just as abruptly.

For reasons he did not understand the Captain of the Maverick ended any further inquiries into the crash, even appearing to have abandoned it. While that should have been cause for relief, the suddenness of it left him feeling uneasy. While he pondered why this was so, he was forced to wait here, languishing in limbo, uncertain of what to do next. His instructions were clear, he was to wait until the man’s search inevitably brought him to Mars to see for himself as it was the want of all humans to do when desperation was reached, to clutch at any straws, no matter how unlikely, in the hope of finding out the truth.

He had almost abandoned hope Larabee would arrive until today.

When he learned a request had been made to examine the wreckage of the Magellan, he was convinced his exile to Mars was over. Larabee had finally come. Yet when he observed the room where the debris was kept, having ensured the appropriate surveillances were put in place prior to the visit, it was not the Captain of the Maverick.

In fact, he recognized neither of the two people who entered the salvage bay, not until he conducted a little investigation of his own and discovered both were officers of the Maverick. The Science Officer and the Chief of Security to be exact. Why had Larabee sent them in his stead? Surely the investigation of a dead wife and child warranted his personal attention? In the end, it mattered little why they had been sent in his place, his job was still the same; observe and act if necessary.

By the time they left the room, he knew his assignment on this world had ended. Listening to them with some measure of alarm, it was clear why Larabee had sent them. Together, they had formulated a theory which was so strikingly close to the truth, it required immediate action before they could return their findings to their captain. If Larabee learned what they had just discovered, there would be no stopping the man’s insistence of finding the culprit and even if the trail was five years cold, there was every chance he might be led back to her.

That was not acceptable at all.

********

 Leaving the storage bay, neither of them spoke for a few minutes. The magnitude what they had just discovered, left them both silent and introspective. For five years Chris Larabee had lived with the anguish of losing his wife and child, wounds that had just started to heal, thanks to the arrival of Mary Travis when Q’s appearance ripped them open with the finesse of a band-aid being torn from the flesh. In the two months that followed, Chris had pushed the boundaries of obsession to the point he was in danger of losing his command. Ezra, in particular, had felt the price of that obsession most acutely when he had lost an entire team of security officers down on Fury 361.

The names of Sue Collins, Ty Atwater, Michelle Angel and James Christie were still fresh in his mind.

If there was one consolation to be had in their deaths, it had shocked Chris Larabee out of his obsession and after that, he even allowed Ezra to take charge of the investigation that led them here to the shipyards. How was he going to react, learning what they had just discovered? There was no denying the Captain was in a good place now. His relationship with Mary Travis was thriving and the arrival of a teenage Adam Larabee from the alternate universe had given him some semblance of the family he lost.

How could they up end all that with what they knew?

“Ezra,” Alex asked as they crossed the walkway above the promenade, towards the turbo lift taking them back to the security station. “Do we tell the Captain?”

“No,” Ezra said quickly, knowing it was almost certainly going to receive protest from her, before adding, “not yet. Right now, all we have was an idea of how it was done. We do not know why. I believe we need to conduct further examination to determine how the bilitrium was smuggled onto the Magellan. This was a plan conducted with extreme intelligence Alexandra, if we tell the Captain, he will be equally extreme in his reactions. We both know that.”

Alex let out a sigh. “I do.”

It left her in something of a conundrum because while she might have been comfortable keeping it from the Captain for his own good, keeping it from Vin was another thing entirely. It wasn’t just because he was her husband and they shared almost everything but due to their mating bond, he could sense when she was feeling conflicted.

“Ezra, I may have to tell Vin what we’ve learned,” Alex confessed. “He’ll know I’m lying to him if he asks how things went today. He knew I was coming here with you.”

Ezra nodded in understanding, having no desire to cause friction between the newlywed couple. “I believe Mr Tanner is able to keep a confidence. You may tell him if you wish.”

“Thanks, Ezra,” Alex said with a smile of gratitude. In truth, she didn’t need his permission and technically she outranked him but Alex respected Ezra as a friend and comrade, not to mention she saw this as his investigation, and she was merely helping. “So, what’s next?”

“I want to view the security logs from the time the Magellan was last in the air. Whoever did this had to install the defective power circuit while the craft was docked and that meant anyone could have gotten to it in that time. I will be focusing on the period between its launches. The investigation team were primarily interested in the period immediately before takeoff, I believe, we need to go back to the instant Sarah and Adam were assigned to travel on the shuttle.”

“I still don’t understand why,” Alex shook her head. “The Captain was a first officer when the Magellan crashed. What possible reason could anyone have to hurt him like that? And worse yet, they didn’t come at him directly, they came at him through his family.”

“That is a question, I am certain the Captain will ask when I give him the name of the perpetrator,” Ezra stated firmly.

If he had been anyone else, he might have missed the sound he knew without doubt to be the discharge of a weapon. Ezra turned his head just in time to see the phaser blast that came at his direction. That split second of awareness kept him from being hit squarely in the chest, instead of just his shoulder. The force of it threw him backwards, pain flaring across his shoulder in white-hot agony.

“EZRA!” Alex shouted as she saw him go down. He landed heavily on his side, the gold of his uniform charred black, at the shoulder, his face a rictus of pain. Alex’s first reaction was to go to him before she remembered that there was a shooter in play and neither of them was armed. There was simply no reason to be when they were visiting a Starfleet facility, where they would be surrounded by Starfleet personnel. Only security officers carried weapons with them in this place.

“Alexandra,” Ezra managed to grunt, trying to ignore the burning pain searing through his body. “Get down.”

His warning prompted Alex to spin around, her eyes scanning the direction from which the shot had originated. It took her but a second to see a man dressed in what appeared to be a Starfleet uniform, taking aim with a phaser and firing again. This time, the shot was coming for her. She stumbled backwards, trying to find cover when the blast struck her side. The last thing Alex knew just as she tumbled over the edge of the walkway, was the shimmer of the blue pond on the promenade rushing towards her.

This was not how Buck Wilmington anticipated his evening with Inez Recillos to end.

True, he could confess to harboring a minuscule hope the lady might be open to being wined and dined into his bet, but honestly, he just hoped to get through dinner without being thrown out of her quarters for saying something crass. They had made it all through dinner recognizing they were on the cusp of something special happening between them, when he was interrupted by the bridge, informing them of a priority communication from Captain James Litefoot, the commander of the Utopia Planitia shipyards.

Less than fifteen minutes after that conversation, Buck was in full uniform, headed towards SickBay, having issued numerous orders he hoped was carried out by the time he arrived at his destination. Entering the ship’s extensive infirmary as soon as the doors slid open, the first thing Buck saw upon his arrival was Ezra Standish stretched across one of the examination tables, under the ministrations of the Assistant Medical Officer, Doctor Zheng Li Pong. Beside him, Julia Pemberton was also in attendance, looking on with concerned as Li Pong attempted to patch the charred mess that was Ezra’s shoulder.

Nathan’s absence was ominous.

When Litefoot gave him the details of what transpired at the station and the condition of two of his officers, Buck had insisted they be transported immediately to the Maverick, aware Chris would have made that same demand if he were present. Both he and Chris knew while he was within reach, Nathan Jackson would insist on treating both officers, not because they were comrades, but because they were his friends and he would trust no one else with their care. Truth be told, neither did Buck.

Though he hated to do it, Buck had also been forced to put in a call to Chris, aware the Captain would want to be notified immediately of the situation. Unfortunately, Chris was incommunicado, and Buck suspected the Captain and Josiah were probably face down drunk somewhere if the First Officer was at all right about how Josiah intended to ‘counsel’ Chris today. In any case, the bridge would continue the attempts to contact the Captain until they reached him.

Reaching Vin Tanner became almost as problematic. At present, the officer of the conn was at his Texas ranch where he was playing host to Mary Travis and her young son Billy, while Chris and Adam were at Starfleet Academy. Knowing Mary had no wished to keep Billy cooped up on the Maverick, Vin and Alex had invited Mary to stay, with Vin taking the boy fishing and camping in Chris’s stead. Which was exactly where Vin was when Buck contacted the ranch and found himself facing Mary instead of the Vulcan. Nevertheless, Mary assured Buck she would find them both immediately and get Vin to the Maverick as soon as possible.

“Commander,” Ezra said with a hiss, reacting to whatever it was Li Pong was doing to his flesh with the dermal regenerator, upon seeing Buck’s entry into the room. Despite the painkillers the woman had administered, he could still feel the searing pain penetrating through the haze of drugs swimming through his veins. Of course, had she had her way, he would be completely sedated, which Ezra would not allow her to do until he spoke to the First Officer.

“Ezra, you okay?” Buck asked, even though judging by the wound the doctor was treating, Ezra had to be in considerable pain. He wondered why Ezra wasn’t knocked out until he remembered this was Ezra. The man’s devotion to duty was almost as strong as his ability to find a game no matter what port they landed in.

“He’s fine,” Julia answered before Ezra could. “Fine and stubborn. He shouldn’t be conscious, but he won’t let Li Pong do her job properly,” she threw him an accusing glare that was blunted by her obvious concern for him.

“Julia,” Ezra said grimacing again, trying not to let his impatience get the better of him, even if he did understand her concerns. “I promise I will allow Doctor Zheng to sedate me with her concoctions when the time comes.”

“I do not give you concoctions Chief,” Li Pong raised her head long enough to comment. “I am a doctor, not some shaman giving you potions of newt eyes and spider’s tongues,” she said sourly. “Stubborn gaijin.”

“My apologies,” Ezra said quickly, ignoring the doctor’s poking and prodding of his wounded flesh because showing her his discomfort would only prompt the woman and Julia to insist, he be given something stronger for the pain. Ezra had no intention of entering any black sleep until he gave the First Officer of the Maverick his report. Squeezing Julia’s hand to reassure her he would surrender himself fully to the ministrations of Doctor Zheng once this business was over, he added in a gentler tone. “I promise.”

“You better,” Julia let out a sigh, knowing it was a losing battle to argue with him. Besides, he was Chief of Security, he could be no other way.

Buck allowed the couple a moment before he was forced to interrupt because he needed to know what had happened. While Captain Litefoot had managed to tell him something of what transpired at the shipyards, Buck wanted to hear the details from Ezra himself, who would offer a much better account than anyone else. “What happened Ezra?”

Ezra took in a deep breath, his jaw ticking, no longer in pain but genuine anger at what had happened. His sea green eyes turned a shade darker, something that usually happened when the Chief was on the hunt or about to take someone for every cent, they had at the gaming tables. Either way, it was a clear indication of Ezra’s state of mind.

“As you know, I was on Mars for a personal matter,” he met Buck’s gaze knowingly, needing to give the First Officer no further explanation than that.

Even Julia understood the intent of that statement and avoided asking questions herself, especially when Ezra would not be able to answer her.

“I do,” Buck said simply. He was perfectly aware of what Ezra and Alex were doing at Utopia Planitia, having been the one to make the request for access to the Magellan on their behalf. “Keep going.”

Ezra nodded and resumed his tale. “Commander Styles and I had concluded our business and were on our way back to the transporter when an unknown assailant opened fire on us, just as we were making our way through one of the walkways overlooking the promenade. “I was barely able to avoid being struck by phaser fire, but as you can see,” he glanced at his shoulder, “my attempt was not entirely successful.”

“He is very fortunate Commander,” Li Pong added looking up from her treatment. “The phaser was set to kill. As it is, this narrow escape still managed to cause significant injuries.” She gestured to the wound she was treating as proof of her statement.

“Oh God,” Julia cringed, still unnerved by how close she had come to losing him today.

Having no wish to be interrupted in his narrative, Ezra ignored her outburst for now. “Commander Styles was nowhere that lucky. She tried to help me when the brigand discharged his phaser again. While she was just as adept as I was at avoiding a direct shot, she unfortunately, stumbled over the walkway.”

“Jesus,” Buck swore under his breath and instinctively glanced at the double doors leading to the surgery station of SickBay where at this moment, Nathan was working on Alex.

“She landed in a fountain on the promenade which is probably why she is still with us. However, the pool was not deep enough to prevent serious injury.” Not for the first time that day, Ezra’s jaw tightened in anger when he recalled how Alex looked when they pulled her out of the water. A part of him was cursing at involving her in this whole affair at all, that if he had just gone to see the Magellan himself, she would be at the ranch with Vin, not fighting for her life in SickBay.

“Who was the shooter?” Buck demanded, seeing Ezra’s guilt and hoped the bridge managed to get a hold of Chris so they could get Josiah back up here. He had a feeling Ezra would need the man’s counsel before the end of the day. “And how the hell did he get his hands on a phaser on a Starfleet base without anyone knowing about it?

“I have no idea,” Ezra replied, “but I am more than familiar with the different types of phasers in existence and that one did not sound like Starfleet issue. If that is the case, then it is highly likely it was smuggled aboard through some nefarious means. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to see him before he began using us for target practice and in the confusion following Commander Styles’s injury, I am afraid he made good his escape.”

“I don’t understand,” Julia said puzzled unable to comprehend how this could have happened. “Why would a stranger just come out of nowhere and open fire on both of you? Were they after you specifically?”

“I believe so,” Ezra answered Julia’s question. “From what little they were able to tell me before we were transported back to the Maverick, our assailant vanished immediately after the attack, with security unable to find him or the weapon. So yes, I believe we were the targets.”

“But why?” Julia asked again.

Ezra fell silent then and Buck realized, he had his suspicions as to the cause but would not voice it in present company, which gave the First Officer a terrible premonition of just how serious the situation was. However, he had no chance to ponder this because the doors to SickBay opened and striding in, with worry etched across his face, was Vin Tanner who was still attired in his civilian clothing of jeans and a checkered shirt.

The Officer of the Conn immediately fixed his cobalt colored eyes on Buck and the others before heading towards them, anxiety in every step he took. “Where’s Alex?” He demanded, forgetting that just about everyone in the room outranked him.

“She’s still in surgery,” Buck said quickly, meeting Vin halfway across the room, placing a reassuring hand on the Vulcan’s shoulder even if he could offer nothing of the kind. The First Officer could see Vin’s emotions were about to spill over and knowing how volatile the younger man could be when those passions were inflamed, Buck wanted to calm him down before he reached that point. Not that Buck could blame him of course. If it was his wife, his own temper would be in no better state.

Vin shifted his gaze towards the door leading there before returning his attention to Buck and the others, registering the condition Ezra was in, which served to calm him down somewhat. As it was, he was furious at himself for not bringing his communicator with him when he had gone fishing with Billy, necessitating Mary to ride out and find them both, so she could tell him what happened to Alex.

“Are you going to be okay Ezra?” Vin asked, realizing he had just barged in here, not even asking after the Security Chief who looked pretty hurt himself. He was mortified by his insensitivity.

“I will be fine Mr Tanner,” Ezra assured him, casting a dark look at Li Pong when something else she did with the regenerator made him wince. “I have suffered worse.”

“Good to hear,” Vin said taking consolation in that much at least, before facing Buck. “What happened? I thought you and Alex were conducting some research on Utopia Planitia.” He was still trying to come to grips with how she could be hurt so seriously when it was only this morning, they were talking about taking a trip to San Francisco to meet up with Chris.

“They were just attacked by someone with a phaser,” Buck explained, wanting to spare Ezra the effort of explaining again. As it was, he was two seconds away from ordering Li Pong to put the man under so she could treat him properly, now that he updated Buck on the events at the shipyards. “We don’t know why, and the son of a bitch got away.”

“Someone took a shot at them with a phaser?” Vin gave Ezra a quick glance in incredulity. Like the rest of the Starfleet officers in the room, Vin knew just how difficult it was to slip a weapon through Starfleet security, especially a phaser. In a starbase, particularly one like Utopia Planitia, which was responsible for the construction of starships, the security would be particularly tight.

Buck was about to respond when the doors to the surgery slipped open and Buck saw Nathan Jackson appearing through the door. When the healer’s eyes glimpsed them, Buck saw his expression darken and felt his gut tighten in horror that Nathan’s diagnosis for Alex was not good. It was a look Vin caught too because the Vulcan’s face turned ashen with fear. In fact, so terrified was Vin of what Nathan was going to tell him, he had gone silent, waiting for the worst to descend on him instead of rushing out to meet it.

“Nathan, how is Alex?” Buck asked because, at this moment, Vin couldn’t.

“She’s out of surgery and she’ll recover from this,” Nathan said quickly, seeing the fear in Vin’s eyes and wishing to allay their anxiety on that point before he moved on to the news he knew was going to be taken with some devastation.

Vin almost doubled over in relief when he heard Nathan say those words because, for a second, he almost believed Alex was dead since he couldn’t sense her thoughts. Ever since he was told about her injury, he had tried to reach out and get some sense of her, but there was nothing, but darkness and it filled him with such fear, it was almost hard to breathe from the sheer terror of it.

However good the news Nathan had just delivered might be, something else was preying on the healer’s mind. Buck could see it in the man’s eyes. “What’s her condition, Nathan?”

“The phaser caused damage to her spleen, which I was able to fix,” Nathan explain, delivering the news like he would do in a report since the question was asked by the First Officer of the ship. “The injuries from the fall, however, were more serious. She suffered fractures to her skull, hip and three ribs.”

“Oh my God,” Julia gasped, her hand flying to her mouth.

Next to her, Ezra swore under his breath while Buck said nothing because when he was the commander of the Maverick in Chris’s place, he had to be the one keeping his head. Vin’s distress was plain, but he was managing to keep it under control but once again, Buck sensed Nathan was holding something back because he could feel a dozen kinds of alarm bells were going off in his head.

“Nathan, is that it?” Buck prompted.

Nathan took a deep breath and looked at Vin somberly. “Vin, we need to talk in private.”

Whatever it was, Vin knew he didn’t want to wait to hear it. “To hell with that Nathan,” Vin said abruptly, not caring if Buck and the others heard. They were his friends, no, not his friends, his family and Li Pong was a doctor who was professionally bound to keep confidences. “What is it?”

Nathan let out a heavy sigh, realizing there was no delaying this. “Vin, Alex was pregnant.”

Oh, Jesus, Buck thought silently as he watched Vin stare at Nathan in nothing less than stupefied shock. Behind him, an audible gasp escaped Julia and from Ezra, there was nothing, which was telling.

“No,” Vin shook his head when he could finally speak. “She ain’t. She would have told me.”

“Vin, she was just over four weeks into term,” Nathan explained quietly. “I don’t think she knew. At this point, there would be barely any symptoms for her to even suspect it.”

Vin blinked slowly, trying to process the news but one thing did penetrate through his shock. “You said was...”

“I’m sorry Vin,” Nathan finally revealed what had been so difficult to say. “She’s lost it. The trauma from the fall was too much.”

Vin turned away, unable to look at anyone at that moment or want anyone to see him. The emotions running through him were a tidal wave ready to swallow him whole. Of course, he and Alex had discussed children, but it was something they both agreed neither were ready for at this point. They were married for less than a year and it was too soon for a baby. As it was, they hadn’t been certain whether it was possible to get pregnant without help, because they were of two different species. Yet hearing this news, that there was a baby, even for a brief period filled him with a profound sense of loss.

“I’m so sorry Vin,” Buck said after a moment, not knowing what any of them could say under such circumstances.

Vin didn’t react to the platitude offered and faced his friends again. While his composure remained intact, his blue eyes revealed the depth of his sorrow but that was all Vin was willing to reveal at this point.

“Can I see her?” He asked quietly, the emotion in his voice almost choking the word in his throat.

“Of course,” Nathan nodded. “She’s still under from the surgery and because of the fracture to her skull, it's going to take a while before she regains consciousness. You can sit with her for a while if you like.”

“Thank you,” Vin said gratefully, and Nathan gestured him to follow, giving the others in a room a parting glance as he escorted the helmsman into the recovery room where his wife was presently the sole occupant.

No one spoke until he was gone.

“Poor Alex,” Julia shook her head, uncertain how Alex felt about children but knew if it was her, the news would be devastating.

Ezra thought about how much healing it had taken for Alexandra Styles to reach this point in her life, after her ordeal with the Cardassians, how she and Vin Tanner had found each other, finding love through the mutual understanding of each other’s pain. To know that this had been taken from them, before either even had a chance to consider what might be, infuriated Ezra right down to his core. As Chief of Security, he should have been able to prevent this and his failure to do so had cost the life of a child that would now never be born.

“Commander,” Ezra spoke up, his expression one of stone. “I need to speak to you,” he glanced at Julia and Li Pong. “Alone.”

********

Despite the protest from Dr Zheng that she had not concluded her treatment of Ezra’s shoulder, Buck was forced to insist, recognizing in Ezra’s tone that what the Security Chief had to impart warranted the urgency. Julia was more understanding, her concern for Ezra giving way to her conditioning as a member of the senior staff that what needed discussing must be important for them to need the room. Besides, she knew her lover well enough to know, he would not ask her to leave unless it was for a very good reason.

Once they were gone, Ezra drew in his breath, as if he needed it to reinforce the mask of calm, he wore over his face for the benefit of everyone. Those who knew him well could see through it but on this occasion, it was taking a great deal of effort to maintain his composure. Buck didn’t blame him one bit. Hearing what Alex and Vin had lost because of this attack, filled him with similar outrage and yet he had a feeling, what Ezra was about to impart to him might make him reevaluate just how angry he could get by this whole situation.

“Tell me,” Buck prompted Ezra. “What actually happened?”

“It is as I told you, Commander,” Ezra said stiffly.

“Ezra, talk to me,” Buck met his eyes, conveying to him he wasn’t just a junior officer giving him a report. They were friends who had secrets to share.

Ezra’s shoulders slumped and he winced at the action because Li Pong had not been allowed to finish her treatment. He was more than grateful now for the painkillers she administered because he remembered what the wound had felt like fresh and would be in no condition to tell Buck anything without them.

“It happened as I told you, Buck,” Ezra spoke again. “However, we had just left the storage bay where the Magellan was kept and I find it too coincidental within minutes of leaving that location, we were attacked, particularly in light of what we discovered.”

Buck’s eyes widened because now, this wasn’t just about Vin losing a child, this had about the one Chris Larabee had lost too. “How?”

“Alex and I discovered the Magellan was indeed sabotaged. The perpetrators, whoever they are, used a bilitrium catalyst to obliterate any signs of tampering when they initiated the warp core breach. I believe a defective power circuit was indeed placed in the Magellan, so when the anti-matter was exposed, the damage would be so severe, it would be impossible to determine the cause.”

“But you found something...” Buck pointed out.

“Only because Alex and I saw the wreckage for ourselves. Seeing it on data pads, without the scale of the destruction, kept us from seeing how thoroughly destroyed the Magellan was. It was Alex who suggested bilitrium and upon reflection, I realized then how it was done. When we scanned the pieces, we found bilitrium residue which could easily be mistaken for normal crystalline particulates.”

“Son of a bitch,” Buck exclaimed, leaning back against the empty examination bed next to the one Ezra was occupying. “We got proof.”

“No,” Ezra corrected him. “We have residue and more questions. Buck, I do not think we ought to tell the Captain until we know more. I would prefer we do not tip our hand any further than it has already. We were attacked within minutes of leaving the storage bay, which indicates...”

He didn’t have to finish the sentence because Buck already caught on. “Someone is watching.”

“Where are they?”

Chris Larabee asked Buck Wilmington the instant after materializing on the transporter pad of the Maverick. He and Josiah had spent a few hours out of communication, drinking at a bar he and Buck used to frequent at Fisherman’s Wharf when they were both cadets, admiring the view of San Francisco Bay while he slowly purged his grief with shots of whiskey. When Josiah had decided to leave, Chris finally turned on his communicator and realized while he had been developing a pleasant buzz, a storm was brewing on his ship.

“Sick Bay,” Buck answered automatically, having gone to Transporter Room 1 to greet the Captain the instant he was notified Chris had checked in and was about to beam on board. “Alex hasn’t woken up yet so Vin’s sitting with her. Once Ezra’s shoulder was fixed up, Doctor Zheng let him go back to his quarters to rest. I guess she figured it was easier than keeping him in SickBay, listening to him bitch about not being able to work.”

“Well I don’t want him working either,” Chris said firmly, as both men headed through the doors into the somewhat deserted corridor. While at Space Dock, the ship needed only a skeleton crew to run and most of its personnel and civilian population had taken the opportunity for shore leave off the Maverick.

“I told him to rest but you know Ezra,” Buck shrugged, although, in this instance, the First Officer knew perfectly well why Ezra wanted to be in his quarters. After their discussion about the Magellan, Ezra had work to do that did not involve ship’s business and it was a task he preferred doing in private.

“Yeah,” Chris nodded in understanding, grateful they were going to Sick Bay because that buzz from the whiskey was slowly evolving into to a headache. “Does Josiah know?”

“We told him shortly after he came on board,” Buck explained. “I want him to go see Ezra. He’s not showing it, but I can tell he feels bad about what happened.”

“Why?” Chris stared pointedly at Buck as they reached the turbo lift. “He couldn’t help what happened?”

“Yeah but he feels bad because he asked for Alex’s help in the first place. I’m pretty sure he’s got it into his head if he hadn’t called her, she might not have gotten hurt.” Buck sighed, perfectly aware his attempt to Ezra’s guilt had done absolutely no good at all.

“So, they have any idea who this son of a bitch was?” Chris asked as he stepped through the doors once the turbolift opened for them.

“No,” Buck shook his head frowning. “It’s the damnedest thing, Chris. Not only did he get a weapon on board the station, there’s no trace of him. It’s like he just vanished into thin air. They locked down the place almost immediately after the shooting but there’s no sign of him.”

“What were Ezra and Alex doing there in the first place?” Chris asked because the bridge had been unable to give him that information when he checked in.

Buck drew in his breath, steadying himself inwardly because after what he and Ezra discussed, he needed to tread carefully. If Chris for one instant saw through him, the consequences would be dire. However, Buck took Ezra’s advice on what to say and decided, sometimes the best lies were the ones shrouded in a truth.

“Chris, Ezra wanted to take a look at the Magellan.”

Chris paused in mid-step and stared sharply at Buck. “Why?”

“He was thinking while he had the time, he wanted to look at the Magellan, said something about having a better perspective if he saw the wreckage himself. He brought Alex with him because he figured she might see something in the debris that might not stick out in a datapad.”

It took Chris a few seconds to formulate a response, aware that Ezra had been working off-duty on the investigation of his family’s accident. While his need to satisfy that mystery had been a little less intense of late due to Adam’s arrival into his life, knowing what took place this morning was related to it, made Chris stiffen inside.

“Did they find anything?”

“No,” Buck said neutrally, deciding he had to sound absolutely convincing because if he faltered in this to any degree, Chris would know. If there was one thing Chris Larabee could do better than any man alive, save Ezra Standish that is, it was spotting a lie. “They were heading back to the ship when this guy came out of nowhere and attacked.”

“Could it be related?” Chris asked, hating himself for wishing there could be a connection.

“We won’t know until we get our hands on him,” Buck replied. “But it’s a dumb move if it is. I mean wouldn’t that send alarm bells everywhere, to attack two Starfleet officers’ seconds after they looked at the Magellan? If Q is right and someone was responsible for the accident, he or she been plenty smart to get away with it for as long as he or she has. Doing this, just because Ezra was having a look at the wreckage, is tipping their hand when they don’t need to. If anything, it will raise suspicion instead of putting an end to it.”

“True,” Chris was forced to concede the point when the doors slid open and they stepped onto the SickBay deck. “I didn’t even realize Vin and Alex were thinking about children.” He said suddenly.

He and Vin had never discussed the subject even though he shared a close friendship with the Officer of the Conn and considered the Vulcan his best friend. Theirs was a relationship that seldom needed words because Vin seemed to always know what he was thinking or needing when they were in each other’s orbit. It was a strange connection they shared but one Chris knew he would travel to the ends of the universe to maintain. He tried to imagine what Vin was feeling right now and the only emotion that would surface was anger at needing to avenge his friend for the wrong done to him.

“I don’t think they were thinking about it either Chris,” Buck replied, recalling Vin’s shock at learning the news. “I think it just happened.”

“And now it's gone,” Chris said softly.

He remembered that terrible meeting with Alex, shortly after she learned Gul Lemar, the man responsible for her rape had come on board and damn near killed him with her fists. How Alex had revealed the full story of her horrific capture and the pregnancy that finally prompted her escape. When she was rescued, she lapsed into a catatonic state and for the sake of her sanity, a therapeutic abortion had been performed.

How was she going to feel waking up to find out, that yet again another child had been taken from her, this time one she might actually want to have kept?

“Yeah,” Buck nodded grimly, wanting to find out the son of a bitch who had taken this away from Vin and Alex, just like they had taken away Sarah and Adam from Chris. Without knowing it, the enemy had earned Buck Wilmington’s utmost hatred.

They entered Sick Bay and found Nathan at his desk. The Chief Medical Officer rose to his feet and came to meet the Captain and the First Officer, his expression just as grim. As the one who had to treat Alex and tell Vin the tragic news, Nathan appeared just as emotionally spent as Chris and Buck were feeling right now.

“Chris,” Nathan greeted, his use of Chris’s name instead of title, revealed the healer’s weary state of mind.

“Hi Nathan,” Chris gave him a nod. “Is Vin still here?”

“Yeah,” Nathan glanced at the twin doors that led to the other sections of SickBay. “He’s with Alex in recovery. He hasn’t left her side.”

“How is he?” Buck asked, having not seen Vin since the helmsman was told the news.

“As well as can be expected,” Nathan sighed. “I mean obviously they weren’t trying to get pregnant, but it's a different thing knowing there was a baby for a minute and then there wasn’t.”

Chris nodded in understanding. “What about Alex?”

“As I told Vin,” Nathan replied, “she’ll be fine. There’s no reason why they can’t try again and considering they managed it this time without help, is a good sign. The emotional trauma, well that’s out of my department, I’m leaving Josiah to deal with that one when she wakes up.”

“I’m going to see him if that’s all right?” Chris said taking a step towards the door.

“Go ahead, I think he could use the company.”

********

Vin Tanner had no idea how to feel.

The last six months since his marriage to Alex, life had been as perfect as he had ever imagined it could be. He was the Officer of the Conn serving on a starship with more friends than he ever dreamed of having. He served the best Captain in the fleet, who was also his best friend, on an assignment that took them to the farthest reaches of space, on adventures that defied description at times.

And best of all, he was no longer alone in his heart.

The woman lying on the bed, oblivious to what had been taken from her, had come into his life when he was at his most vulnerable and loved him despite all his insecurities. During the Pon Farr, she had been ready to die for him and when she accepted his hand in marriage, Vin didn’t think it was possible to be so happy. Every day since then, had been everything he hoped in the secret dreams he told no one. Their lives had felt complete and happy, with no reason to think anything was missing.

Until today.

Now all he could think about was this emptiness that wasn’t there yesterday.

When they spoke of children, it was in the abstract, something to be considered a few years later. As a Vulcan, he was too young for children anyway and Alex was still coming to grips with being a wife after years of isolation, let alone being a mother. He had no idea how she would take knowing that one moment, they could have been three instead of two. He thought of the child lost and wondered what it would have been. A boy or a girl? Would it have Vulcan ears and Alex’s skin or Alex’s ears and his skin? He never gave it much thought but now he could think of nothing else.

“Vin?” Chris Larabee’s voice interrupted his thoughts, making the Vulcan look over his shoulder to see the Captain stepping gingerly into the room.

“Hey Chris,” Vin got to his feet and followed Chris out into the hallway, leaving Alex to her drug-induced sleep.

“Vin, I am so sorry,” Chris said once they were alone. Even though she was asleep, it didn’t feel right carrying on a conversation while Alex was lying unconscious in front of them.

Vin’s shoulders sagged a little and he dropped his gaze to the floor as if meeting the Captain’s eyes would provide too much insight into his emotions at present. “I suppose it don’t make much sense, being upset about something we weren’t even thinking about. We talked about having kids, but that was something far away, not anything we were ready for right now.”

“You have every right to be angry Vin,” Chris said kindly. “It doesn’t matter that you were expecting it or not, it’s what it could have been that hurts so much.”

Even though he was inordinately grateful the universe had seen fit to give him back Adam in the form of a teenager from an alternate universe, Chris could not deny the anguish he felt at knowing the child he held in his hands the first day of its life, would never know what it was like to learn to shave, read great books or kiss a girl. Sometimes knowing all that was almost unbearable.

“I don’t know how to tell her,” Vin swallowed glancing at the room.

“You don’t have to do that. If I know Nathan, he’ll probably want to do it himself,” Chris stated firmly, aware the healer would probably think it a dereliction of his duty to leave Vin with that burden. “You just got to be there for her when he does. “

“Thanks, Chris,” Vin finally met his eyes and it filled Chris with equal parts sorrow as well as fury to see the pain in the Vulcan’s eyes.

“I swear to you, we will find out who did this Vin,” Chris promised and yet even as Vin nodded in acknowledgement of his words, Chris knew the damage was done. Justice might be served but the wounds inflicted might not ever heal.

********

Unaware the promise made by the Captain of the Maverick was similar to the one he made himself to Vin Tanner and Alexandra Styles, the Chief of Security was presently seated at his desk in his quarters, focusing his considerable skills to the question of who had done this to them. Even though he knew he should be resting in bed, it still stabbed at Ezra what enlisting Alex’s aid had cost the lady and he was determined to find who was responsible for this attack, enough to ignore doctor’s orders.

After what happened to them at Utopia Planitia, the shipyard’s Chief of Security, a rather accommodating man named Gerard Whitman, had been good enough to provide Ezra with access to all information regarding the incident. Unfortunately, this amounted to very little since their assailant appeared to have made good his escape. It seemed after attacking them, he managed to disappear so completely, there was no sign of him or the phaser he used to inflict their wounds, anywhere. The impossibility of this seemed more incredulous considering the starbase was locked down within minutes of the attack and their assailant was capable of eluding every security device on the station.

Convinced the attack was connected to what they learned about the Magellan, Ezra returned his attention to the murder of Sarah and Adam Larabee. Once again, Whitman feeling guilty after Ezra revealed to him the extent of Alexandra Styles’s injuries, had given him access to whatever information he required regarding the crash since the security data at Syria Planum station, came under Whitman’s purview.

Prior to their untimely end, Sarah had Adam had been living at Syria Planum colony where Sarah had been teaching. Due to the Rutherford having no accommodation for families, Chris was unable to bring them on board the ship during his tenure as its First Officer. As a result, Sarah had taken up a teaching position on Mars and the family would try to see each other when shore leaves permitted. At the time of their deaths, they had been on route to Earth to meet Chris when disaster struck with the Magellan’s crash.

In light of what he and Alex had learned regarding the sabotage of the Magellan, Ezra focused his attention on the four days the ship had been at Syria Planum prior to its departure. Reviewing the material provided by Whitman and Chris’s collection of datapads, Ezra found the investigation team had thoroughly reviewed the security footage of the bay where the Magellan was kept and saw no signs of tampering.

Yet Ezra knew there had to be. What happened today was proof of it.

Sitting at his desk, nursing a hot mug of Pekoe tea, the kind with a hint of peach Maude raised him on, Ezra spent the next hour studying the footage himself. The images of people moving through the berth over the course of the next few days included technicians conducting maintenance work, the flight crew conducting pre-launch diagnostics and finally passengers readying for the journey ahead.

The last of the footage revealed the arrival of Sarah and Adam Larabee and seeing the lady in the flesh so to speak, he had to admire what a beautiful woman Sarah had been, with her graceful elegance and delicate features. When she smiled, it really did tug at the heart. It would have killed him to lose that smile.

For a few minutes, Ezra watched Sarah moving across the berth, holding Adam’s hand in hers as the boy showed his delight at taking a trip off world. The little boy pointed excitedly at the Magellan, awed by the shuttle as they approached it and Ezra felt a pang of sadness for the Captain, aware of the horror about to follow. How had it been for Chris to watch this, seeing his family one last time, knowing less than fifteen minutes after this captured moment of time, they would be caught in an explosion so violent what was left of them wasn’t even enough to bury?

Ezra found he could no more look at it than the Captain and skipped past the recording.

He scanned through the files on the datapad, seeing nothing that jumped out until he came across what appeared to be the directory containing images discarded for whatever reason, usually because of recording glitches and data corruption. While he was certain it contained nothing of importance, Ezra thought he’d look anyway.

As expected, the files were mostly snippets of corrupted recordings that were discarded as soon as the security system compensated for whatever error caused the glitch in the first place. Most of them were poor quality images caused by interference from some instrument or technology, requiring sensor recalibration before the recording could resume. There was nothing of interest until Ezra saw footage of someone walking past the Magellan three hours before the flight.

Although no more than thirty seconds long, the image was clear and crisp, with no traces of data corruption to warrant its erasure. It showed an image of a technician leaving the bay where the Magellan was kept. He was carrying a toolbox, wearing a crew technicians’ uniform. He looked fairly ordinary, with thinning blond hair and features that would not let him stand out in any crowd. The toolbox was covered in decals to personalize it. They seemed to be of various marine crafts from earlier centuries. Julia had done something similar to her toolkit, except hers had daisies (her favorite flower) on them. Still, the quality of the picture did make him wonder why it had been discarded.

“Computer,” Ezra spoke up. “Why was this image erased from the main security logs?”

“The image was discarded due to a malfunction in the recording process that created an exact duplicate of the same time-stamped footage”

“A duplicate?” Ezra raised a brow. That was a first. “You mean this footage was repeated twice in the official security logs?”

“That is correct.”

He had never heard of a glitch like that before, even though he could not say for certain that its existence was a virtual impossibility, or it was the result of something nefarious. However, Ezra worked on instinct and something about this was tugging at him, the way it did when Ezra was playing poker with an opponent who did have the cards to challenge him, beyond the facade of their bluff. Relying on the intuition that had given him the reputation as one of the best card players in the fleet, Ezra decided to probe further.

“Computer, display both this footage and the one in the official logs, I wish to see them side by side.”

“Complying,” the computer said dutifully.

Ezra watched as both images appeared on his screen and began playing in tandem. They revealed the same man walking out of the hangar bay where the Magellan was kept. It did not take Ezra long to see the computer was correct, the scene had obviously been repeated and the erroneously recorded copy was relegated into the discards folder. Ezra continued to watch as the man moved to the edge of the screen, about to pass out of view of the recording lens, disappointment that his intuition was wrong.

Then he saw it.

Ezra said up bolt straight in his chair. “COMPUTER! Freeze both images now!”

The two images stopped abruptly, leaving the man frozen in place as Ezra’s keen eyes stared at the screen, not daring to believe he might be looking at the face of the person who sabotaged the Magellan. The security personnel who viewed this bit of recording and decided it was a replicated copy could have been forgiven for missing the vital clue Ezra just spotted. If Ezra wasn’t the investigator he was, he could have missed it himself. It was minor but absolutely damning.

On the discarded image, a decal on the toolbox was missing.

Ezra eased back into his chair and whispered to himself, “this is no duplicate recording. Someone else was there.”

FIFTEEN YEARS EARLIER

The sex was incredible.

Not acrobatic or shamefully kinky but it was exciting just the same. They spent most weekends after meeting at the tea house for the first time, locked in cheap lodgings not far from the place, exploring every inch of skin between them, seldom coming up for air except for food and even then, their meals were taken at the place they met. As soon as classes were done for the week, Chris would find himself rushing off the Academy campus, so he could meet Sarah at the tea house to spend the weekend together.

Two months after their first meeting, they decided to rent a room not far from Chinatown so they could meet there instead. Even Buck Wilmington, who was opposed to any kind of commitment where the opposite sex was concerned, had ceased the ribbing he gave Chris when he saw them together. It was obvious to Buck, Chris had fallen very hard for Sarah. While he couldn’t imagine settling down with just one girl, when there was a lifetime of women to sample, Buck, recognized he was witnessing something very special between the two and was all for the relationship.

Six months after meeting Sarah, Chris knew he had found the girl he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Even though she claimed to be a pacifist who didn’t hold with Starfleet and she would never marry a Starfleet officer, Chris knew she was rewriting her worldview for him, even though it remained unspoken. When they were together, it seemed all their differences melted away and somehow, they managed to bridge the gap between their beliefs to occupy a place where such concerns were merely annoyances to quickly overcome.

Of course, she teased him mercilessly, nonetheless, often stating imperiously, she would never waste her time with a Captain who would probably lead battles against the Romulans or single-handedly defeat all the Federation’s enemies. In truth, they both knew it was an empty threat. Sarah had already started investigating the possibility of teaching on a starship, a sign she was ready to spend her life with him. Chris was glad for it because he had no idea how he would cope if he had to leave her for good.

All his life, working to be a starship captain was all he ever wanted. Until he met Sarah, Chris had never imagined wishing for anything else. The fear he would have to choose was palpable but once again Sarah surprised him because she loved him enough to never force that choice on him. Becoming a starship captain without Sarah at his side would just feel wrong. As the days towards graduation approached, Chris knew if he was given a commission on a ship, he was going to propose.

Fortunately, he did not need to take the step because his first posting was to the starbase at Utopia Planitia, which happily coincided with Sarah taking a teaching position at the colony of Syria Planum. They set up house together and for more than a year, lived in a small apartment, overlooking the reddish Martian landscape, terraformed decades before to sustain human occupation. On weekends, they’d explore the colony, take skimmer rides to the Deimos Hot Springs for picnics and indulged in the simple joy of being together. In the years to come, Chris would look back on those days, where they were young and just starting out as one of the best times in his life.

When Chris received his first commission on a starship, he knew it was time to propose. As the junior helm officer of the USS Indiana, Chris was relieved to learn she was an exploratory ship and was large enough to accommodate families, which meant Sarah could come with him. Wanting the proposal to be special, they took a trip to Earth, checking into lodgings overlooking the Swiss Alps, with its majestic, alpine beauty providing a panoramic view for the special occasion that it was.

With the crisp white mountains staring at them through the window, they spent the first two days in a marathon bout of lovemaking. In a sweaty tangle of limbs following yet another spectacular climax for both, Chris had rolled onto his back, hair mussed up, lips wet with her taste and simply stated, "let's get married."

Sarah craned her neck and tilted her head, staring at him through a tangle of dark hair. Although her eyes danced with delight, the old taunt surfaced, and she found herself saying. "I thought Admirals didn’t have time for marriage.”

“Told you a thousand times. Admirals don’t get to have any fun and what can I say you won me over with your terrific blow jobs." He winked at her.

"Chris!" Her jaw dropped in mock outrage before she swatted him with a pillow.

"Okay, okay," he laughed, grabbing it and tossing the thing off the side of the bed before rolling on top of her, relishing the scent of sex still on her skin. “So how about it? “

“What?” She feigned ignorance.

“Getting married,” he repeated, still smiling.

“You sure you want to marry a peace-loving pacifist like me who thinks Starfleet is filled with a bunch of warmongering pirates?”

Chris lowered his mouth to her lips and kissed her, “Absolutely. Come on, say yes. I’ll build a white picket fence around our quarters and eventually run the ship, while you can be at home knitting things.”

“Knitting things?” She burst out laughing. “Okay, if I’m knitting things, how many kids are we going to have?”

“I don’t know,” he replied, pretending to think on the question, his expression turning serious. “How about nine? I always wanted my own baseball team. Larabee’s Lasers.” He grinned.

“Nine!” She exclaimed, laughing at the silliness of him, nine. Only a man could come up with a number like that. But it was a nice thought, though, the two of them raising a family together.

“Too much?” He smiled.

“A tad." She nodded, wrinkling her freckled nose while making the traditional ‘tiny bit’ gesture with her finger and thumb.

“Okay, you decide,” Chris retorted, planting soft kisses along her collarbone. “I don’t care, I just want to be with you.”

“I want to be with you too,” Sarah replied, running her fingers along his spine. “But I’m going to have to insist upon something.” Her expression grew sober.

Chris looked up at her puzzled.

“You keep Buck from sleeping with all the bridesmaids. I want to be able to stay friends with some of them after the wedding.”

Chris snorted. “Good luck with that.”

********

She listened to Nathan say the words and thought for a moment, she was having a bad dream.

Vin was next to her, holding her hand, trying to will his strength into her and yet, she felt numb. Worse than numb. She felt dead. Like the child that might have been. Oh, she was a scientist, and she knew all the arguments about when life and self-awareness began. When she had woken up at Starfleet Medical after escaping the hell of that Cardassian prison and knew the baby inside her was gone, she had felt nothing but relief. Had she woken up to the knowledge the seed that bastard Lemar planted in her still lived, Alex knew she would have killed herself.

But this was different.

When Alex learned for a brief second of time, something she and Vin created together had existed in this world, only to lose it, it felt as if the air had been driven from her lungs and a black abyss had opened beneath her feet. Since her marriage, she knew children were a possibility and her discussions with Vin had allowed them to reach the mutual decision it was too soon for either of them to take the step. In fact, before meeting Vin, Alex would have never considered it. Children brought up memories of the pregnancy resulting from her captivity and she wanted no part of it.

Yet hearing there was a baby, one she and Vin created together, being lost before she even had the chance to think about it, surfaced those old feelings buried deep in the darkness, like black sludge choking her.

“Go away.” She said quietly, pulling her hand back from Vin, even as Nathan stood by the bed, telling her as gently as he could, she had lost a child. Rolling onto her side facing away from both, she didn’t want to hear any more.

“Alex...” Vin started to say, sensing the rising well of anguish inside of her through their touch.

“I SAID GET OUT THE BOTH OF YOU!”

She didn’t look at Vin because she didn’t want to see the hurt in his eyes, though the connection between them meant she could feel his dismay. Curling up into a ball, she didn’t wish for them to see her pain, didn’t want to expose the anguish breaking her in half. She had never been able to cope with pain with an audience and this occasion was no exception. Right now, the presence of either man was too much. She needed to be alone, to process what was taken from her and decide whether she had deserved any of this.

“Come on Vin,” Nathan tugged Vin by the arm, even though the Vulcan was still staring at his wife in clear distress.

Vin was torn between wanting to help her and remembering what she had been like when they first met where she was closed off and unable to stand anyone seeing her suffering. It had taken time for him to break through that wall between them, and knowing it might have been erected again, filled him with dismay. From here, her sorrow was like a scream, tearing through his consciousness in waves of agony he couldn’t begin to fathom. At the core of it was something he couldn’t get at, something she didn’t want to share with him, and he could not imagine what that might be.

When she first agreed to marry him, there were places in her mind she insisted he did not go, that were too ugly for her to bear him knowing or seeing for that matter. Unfortunately, Svinak’s invasion of her mind some months ago had forced him to enter that guarded place and what he saw there still made his blood boil. As terrible as it was for him to witness the brutality of what she endured, Vin had no doubt the reality of it was far worse. After seeing the rapes, he could not imagine what she could be hiding from him that could be worse.

“Alex...” he started to say, unable to bring himself to leave her when she was in this condition. Why couldn’t he stay and help her? He could sense the stark terror in her mind and was frankly bewildered. They had always been able to talk about everything. What was it she didn’t wish him to know?

“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” She wailed and the anguish in her voice made Vin recoil.

“Vin leave her be,” Nathan urged, pulling him through the doors even if he shared Vin’s confusion.

Not knowing what else to do, Vin left the room and flinched when he heard her wracking sobs through the door once they both left.

Nathan didn’t speak until they stepped away from SickBay’s recovery ward and entered his office again. Vin appeared shell-shocked and Nathan couldn’t blame him. Alex’s extreme reaction had left the healer similarly stunned and wished he knew what to say to the younger man. However, he suspected the person who could probably get through to Alex Styles wasn’t present now.

“I don’t understand,” he stared at Nathan in confusion as the healer poured him a drink from the bottle of whisky Nathan hid away in his desk drawer for occasions like this. “I want to help her through this. I know losing a baby isn’t something a man can ever really understand but...”

“Vin,” Nathan handed him the glass before retreating to his desk. “Women react to this kind of news in a lot of different ways. There’s a lot of hurt, anger and guilt to go around. You know your wife better than I do, you know she’s always been private. She just might need a bit of time to process what’s happened. I wouldn’t take it too personally that she was a little distraught. Once she calms down, she’s going to need you. In the meantime, however, maybe Alex could talk to Josiah. She has been seeing him, right?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “After Lemar came on board, she started talking to him. It helped.”

“Then maybe what she needs is to talk to someone who isn’t hurting as much as she is.” The healer suggested, catching Vin’s eye.

Yet even as Vin agreed, he knew Alex was clinging to something she was determined he not know and for the life of him, he couldn’t imagine what that might be.

********

“You sure about this?” Buck asked as he sat in Ezra’s quarters after he’d come off his shift.

With Chris was back on board the Maverick, Buck could devote himself to helping Ezra unravel the mystery around the Magellan, now they had conclusive proof the shuttle had indeed been sabotaged and not destroyed by a freak accident. That the price of this revelation was Vin and Alex’s unborn child, made both men doubly determined to find the guilty party, not just for the sake of the couple but their Captain who suffered too much already.

“Commander,” Ezra gave Buck a withering look for casting aspersions on his conclusions from the armchair he was presently resting on, with a datapad in his lap as he explained his findings to Buck. “I would not waste your time otherwise. Once I determined this second recording was not a copy, but genuine footage relegated to the discards directory in error, I was able to find and contact the crewman in question, a man named James Blackfox.”

“Okay, okay,” Buck threw his hands up in mea culpa, as Huxley, Ezra’s cat sauntered by his feet and promptly launching herself off the floor to join him on the sofa. “So, what did Blackfox say?”

“He was rather irate he was being questioned about this again,” Ezra frowned and thought to himself, whether Blackfox would like it very much if it was Chris Larabee conducting the interrogation. Considering the Captain’s reasons for the inquiry, Blackfox would have found himself waterboarded if Chris didn’t get his answers fast enough. “However, he was able to tell me he conducted a routine diagnostic of the Magellan at the time indicated in the official logs. He completed it, where he found nothing out of the ordinary before moving on the next task on his work schedule. This has been verified by eyewitness accounts and by the computer log ins made by Blackfox.”

“You’re saying someone came in after him, without being seen and left, recreating his departure so perfectly, the security officer reviewing the tapes thought it was a glitch?”

“Precisely.” Ezra nodded. “The tapes would have been reviewed after the Magellan’s crash to eliminate the possibility of tampering. My feeling is, the security officer would have seen this footage and believed a glitch had created a loop of the same timestamp.”

Buck could appreciate how this could have happened. Having reviewed the same recording Ezra had when he first arrived at the Chief’s quarters, he too had not seen the missing decal on the toolbox until Ezra pointed it out to him. Then again, Ezra’s powers of observation were formidable, and it didn’t surprise Buck he would have seen it immediately.

“Okay, so we know how they left. Do we know how they got in?”

“That, Commander Wilmington is the question,” Ezra frowned unhappily. It was obvious that the Chief had reached an impasse, a state of affairs Buck knew from experience shook his normally impenetrable poker face like the walls of Jericho. “I have scoured the logs and security footage and I can find no evidence of how someone managed to reach the Magellan in its bay without being seen. Yet we have proof someone was there because we saw them leave.”

As Huxley settled next to him, Buck ran a palm over the Persian’s delicate fur. “All right, let’s approach this from a different angle.”

As First Officer, he was more than accustomed to nudging the senior staff away from obstacles to find different solutions to any prickly problem. This occasion was no different. When Ezra had a mystery to solve, he was like a dog with a bone and being a systematic sort, he would employ methodology to the subject, which did not always work when faced with a situation like this.

“I am all ears,” Ezra replied, grateful for the input as well as having a partner in crime, so to speak, upon which he could bounce off ideas. “What are you thinking?”

“I am thinking we know someone left the bay. There’s no doubt of that. What did they do after they left? The Magellan wasn’t due to leave for another three hours. Now, if you were responsible for sabotaging a shuttle that hasn’t blown up yet. Would you stick around?”

“I certainly would not,” Ezra nodded, understanding where Buck was going with this train of thought and took up the narrative himself. “If I were confident what I set in motion would occur, I would see no reason to remain at the starbase any longer than necessary. In fact, I would take advantage of the calm and make good my escape. If I know Starfleet security protocols, I would be aware the first action Security would take after such an accident would be to lock down the station. Leaving prior to the crash would give me a significant head start.”

“There you go,” Buck grinned, always impressed by how Ezra could take a tiny piece of fact and build a highly plausible theory around it. “Who left the station at that time?”

“Chief Whitman was kind enough to provide me with that data, including embarkation and disembarkation logs, as well as the manifests of all ships leaving the station,” Ezra said examining the datapad in front of him once again. As his fingers tapped the screen with the same light touch, he used to deal a deck of cards, the contact prompted a series of soft chirps and beeps as he scoured through the information, his face illuminated from the glow of the display. “

“How are you doing anyway?” Buck asked, changing tracks for a moment and taking Ezra completely by surprise. Even though Ezra was still convalescing from his wounds, Buck knew he was suffering from more than just an injured shoulder.

The question was unexpected, but he supposed that was Buck’s way, always playing the ladies’ man, prankster and sounding board when needed. With a sigh, Ezra replied softly, “I am angry buck. I am furious I could not stop this from happening to Alex and even more so because this brigand already has the blood of two people on his hands and would have added another two quite easily. I am angry at this person who murders so indiscriminately.”

“Ezra it isn’t your fault,” Buck said with a sigh. “Whoever is doing this is someone smart, who didn’t like the idea you might be smarter than him. They attacked you because you figured them out. An overt action like this smells of desperation.”

“That remains to be seen.” Ezra shrugged unable to accept Buck’s stellar recommendation of his abilities and was grateful when the datapad concluded its search and produced its results for him to focus on. Returning his eyes to the screen, he studied the name. According to this, only three passengers left the station at the time. One is a Katarin who scheduled his intent to depart four weeks ahead earlier. His destination was Andoria, in time for their Winter Festival.”

“Well that can’t be him then,” Buck declared, eliminating the man from the list of possibilities on that fact alone. “Chris got his shore leave only a week earlier. Sarah had only a few days’ notice to book their passage to Earth to meet him there.”

“Agreed,” Ezra nodded, finding no flaw in Buck’s deduction and would have reached that conclusion himself. “The second person was Admiral Prentiss, who was travelling to Starfleet command for a monthly operations meeting. Unless he is partaking in some interesting extracurricular activities, I would discharge him as a suspect too.”

“Yeah I can’t see an admiral being responsible for sabotaging a shuttle for no good reason,” Buck nodded in agreement. “What about the last?”

A trader,” Ezra replied. “His name is Fowler, Cletus Fowler.” 

Chris Larabee knew he was being played. He just didn’t know why.

Studying the two men across his desk in the Captain’s Ready Room, Chris could see something behind their eyes, something they were keeping from him, despite their best efforts to hide it. What they needed was not unreasonable, not in the slightest. Technically, the senior staff were on shore leave, so there was no need for them to make a formal request of him. Until the refit was completed, the Maverick would still be tethered to space dock and the skeleton crew presently on board were more than capable of handling things in the absence of the senior staff.

Furthermore, Chris’s own taste for shore leave had soured in light of what had happened with Vin and Alex. With the Vulcan still reeling from the science officer’s reaction to her miscarriage, Chris preferred to remain on board to be a supportive shoulder for his best friend during this time of crisis. So, when Buck asked for this meeting, Chris assumed it was to tell him Buck intended on vanishing for a few days for his usual debauch.

Except Ezra had come to the meeting too.

Considering Ezra had been in a relationship with Julia Pemberton almost from the moment he stepped on board the Maverick, Chris couldn’t imagine he was accompanying Buck on his latest orgy. No, Ezra Standish was an unlikely travelling companion for Buck on such an escapade. Coming on the heels of the attack at Utopia Planitia, Chris suspected the reason for this sudden journey found its source there. A reason they didn’t see fit to tell him which rankled Chris to no end.

“Why?”

Buck exchanged a glance with Ezra as they both stood in front of the desk, aware that trying to get one past their captain was always going to be problematic. Chris was one of the most intuitive people he knew and could spot a lie a mile away. If they were going to get past the Captain, they needed to give him something or else Chris Larabee would wear them down until the truth came out. Ezra nodded imperceptibly and Buck faced front, exhaling loudly in a gesture of submission.

“We think we might have a lead on the guy who was responsible for the attack at Utopia.”

Chris stiffened and sat up straighter in his chair, his scrutiny becoming razor sharp. “Why haven’t you turned this over to Utopia Planitia Security?”

Of all people, Ezra would know just how annoyed Chief Whitman would be if someone interfered or worse yet, left him out of the loop in his own investigation. Chris was convinced security chiefs, at least good ones, were grown in a lab somewhere, the unholy hybrid of bloodhound and human who took great exception to their calling being interfered with in any way by interlopers. If Ezra had information regarding the attack on Utopia, he was professionally bound to tell Whitman.

Ezra could see all this in Chris’s eyes and before Buck could attempt to make some woefully inadequate explanation, spoke up using his best poker face. “Because Captain, the lead is in the colony at Theta Cygni, which is outside Federation jurisdiction. If we gave it to Chief Whitman, he would have to rely on local law enforcement, if it even exists there, to pursue. I feel it would serve better if we went there in an unofficial capacity and made some discreet inquiries.”

Until the 22nd century, Theta Cygni had been a world occupied by a highly advanced civilization. An invasion by the flying parasites called blastoneurons had devastated the entire planet, leaving it an empty wasteland. Since the demise of its indigenous population, it had been looted and stripped of everything of value since Theta Cygni sat in unclaimed space between four major territories, Cardassian, Ferengi, Tzenkethi and the Federation. In recent years, it had been used by the Orion Syndicate as a haven for all manner of illegal activities which certainly indicated a lack of law and order.

Ezra was right, Chris admitted begrudgingly, if there was an investigation to be conducted, they would have to do it themselves. “Okay,” he said satisfied by the answer. “What’s the lead?”

“Well before I respond, may I caveat it with the acceptance that this is merely a hunch at this point,” Ezra exchanged a quick glance with Buck.

“Accepted,” Chris nodded. “Go ahead.”

“No more than ten minutes after the incident, before Security could lock down the entire station, a man named Jack Averal transported off the station to a commercial ship. While he was on board, he was questioned and allowed to continue on his way because he had an alibi, however, since arriving at his destination at Theta Cygni, there has been no sign of him. Upon arriving at the colony, he simply vanished. I believe Jack Averal was an alias he used before he assumed another identity and left Theta Cygni.”

“Ezra, that’s thin,” Chris stared at the Security Officer. “Considering his destination, he could be involved with illegal acts that may have nothing to do with the attack on you and Alex.”

Chris had no doubt on Theta Cygni, people used aliases at a drop of a hat. Furthermore, now that Chris thought more about the idea, he didn’t know if he wanted two of his best officers travelling so far away from the safety of the Maverick, on such a flimsy possibility. Then again, Ezra Standish’s hunches seldom came to nothing. The man had a nose for trouble like no man alive. It was the reason Chris had insisted on making Ezra his Chief of Security. If Ezra considered Jack Averal a viable lead, then Chris would not dismiss it out of hand.

“It is Chris,” Buck agreed but also wanted to show his solidarity with Ezra’s deduction. “But it’s the best lead we have so far.”

“Captain,” Ezra spoke up and then paused a moment to gather his thoughts. “Chris, I need to do something. In light of Alexandra’s injuries...,” Ezra couldn’t even say pregnancy anymore, because it wasn’t even that now. “I feel the need to do something.”

Even though he was wearing the face of the consummate gambler, revealing nothing, Chris could see through the mask at the guilt in the man’s sea green eyes. “Ezra that was not your fault. No one blames you for that, certainly not Vin. Whoever attacked you and Alex is the one who is responsible for what happened, not you.”

“That’s right Ezra,” Buck reinforced that statement even though he knew it would do little good. Ezra’s guilt was obvious even through his well-practiced facade of indifference. It had been ever since Nathan was forced to reveal the miscarriage to all of them in Sick Bay. Since then, Ezra’s guilt had forced him to do nothing but sift through datapads and log entries in a relentless pursuit for answers. “This isn’t your fault.”

“So, everyone tells me,” Ezra shrugged, not meeting their eyes because he couldn’t believe it or would be unable to accept it until he got to the bottom of this mystery. “Captain, I believe this is an avenue worth pursuing. If I am wrong, at least it will serve to eliminate Mr Averal as a suspect.”

On Fury 361, Chris had run up against the wall of Ezra’s stubbornness and did not relish waging that battle again. Sighing in defeat because he knew nothing, he said was going to change Ezra’s mind, Chris tried a different tact instead. “Ezra, I’m not sure it's a good idea for you to take off. You’re still recovering....”

“That’s why I’m going with him,” Buck stated before Ezra could respond. “Look, Chris, if this guy has anything to do with what happened to Alex, I want to shake it out of him too. We owe it to both Vin and Alex to do that. Now you’re staying on the ship means I don’t have to be here; Ezra and I can take a run down to Theta Cygni and see if there’s anything to this Jack Avery fella. If he’s wrong, we’ll bring back a T-shirt and be no worse for it. It will take a few days at best. What could it hurt?”

Chris supposed none and after hearing from Nathan how Alex had taken the news of her miscarriage, he wanted some justice for both her and Vin. Buck was right, they had nothing to lose and if he wasn’t needed here to help Vin, he would most likely go himself. The Vulcan had been willing to cross a dimension to help him retrieve Adam, Chris could certainly sacrifice a runabout and two of his officers for a few days if it meant getting the bastards who caused such harm to Alex.

“All right,” Chris nodded. “Consider yourselves on leave from now on. Grab yourself a runabout and go find out if this Averal has anything to do with the attack. But you two will check in with me every twelve hours, I mean it. Theta Cygni isn’t the best place for two Starfleet officers to be roaming about without reinforcements.”

“Captain, we will take every precaution,” Ezra assured him.

“See that you do,” Chris said firmly, leaning across his desk to give them both a look that lacked the warmth of their long-standing friendship and possessed all the authority of their Captain. Despite their words, Chris’s gut was still telling him they were holding out on him. “If you are late for any reason checking in, be prepared to find me and the Maverick coming to collect you. Is that clear?”

Staring at Chris’s icy colored gaze, Buck had no doubt of it. “Crystal.”

********

“You realize,” Buck said after they left the bridge and headed towards Four Corners for some food and a drink after the meeting with the Captain. “If he finds out we’re holding out on him, he’ll resurrect the practice of keelhauling or launch us into the nearest star, whichever is most painful”

Ezra stiffened not at the thought of the terrible, terrible death Chris Larabee could inflict upon them, but the idea of lying to the Captain at all. As much as he might like to indulge in certain illegal and colorful ventures, such as running games and bets, he was a creature of duty at the core of him and lying to his captain went against the grain, whether or not he wanted to admit it.

However, being faced with the man’s excesses during the Fury 361 mission when his obsession had led him to some rather questionable decisions, Ezra had no wish to see a repeat of that behavior by revealing what they had learned about the murder of Sarah and Adam. Not to mention Chris would pursue the matter with a cudgel when what was needed was a surgical approach. Whoever was responsible had been able to hide their tracks for almost five years and Ezra was not about to let them slip away because of impatience.

“If Lady Luck is on our side, by the time we are required to reveal the truth, it will not be an issue.”

“You really think this is our smoking gun?” Buck asked as they reached the turbo lift and the doors slid open to give them entry.

Ezra’s jaw stiffened because every fiber of his being believed it was.

“Four Corners,” Ezra announced to the computer as the doors sealed them in. “I do not believe in coincidences Commander. Security allowed Jack Averal to leave because he had an alibi at the time of the shooting, however, if we have learned nothing about the footage from five years ago, is that our assailant has the ability to impersonate people with iron-clad alibis to avoid discovery. At this point, our assailant is only aware we have determined how the Magellan was destroyed. They do not know we are aware they are capable of impersonating someone to do it.”

“And no reason to believe we have any idea about Cletus Fowler.”

“Exactly,” Ezra nodded. “If that is the case, we may reach Mr Fowler before he goes to ground. If he is capable of altering his appearance, any premature action on our part could jeopardize any chance of finding him.”

Buck could not disagree with that. When Fowler’s name first emerged in Ezra’s investigation, he had been a possible suspect because they believed the Magellan’s saboteur left Syria Planum before the shuttle exploded. It was only after Ezra discovered Fowler’s first port of call after leaving Mars, did he become more than just a possible suspect, but the one Ezra was now convinced committed the murder because Fowler had gone straight to Theta Cygni too.

Of course, they could not tell the Captain of that connection, not without Chris reacting in the extreme which was what they did not need right now. To get their hands-on Fowler, they had to move carefully and Chris’s fury at the possibility this man might have murdered his family would have him reacting like a blunt instrument.

As the turbo lift hissed around them, Buck found himself voicing the one aspect of this whole situation neither had yet to address. “I’m telling you, Ezra, I’m glad we might be in sight of putting the pieces together but the biggest one is the one I understand least of all.”

Ezra knew exactly what he meant. “The motive? Yes, I share your dilemma.”

“Yeah, that’s the part that makes the least sense to me. Why? Why Sarah and Adam? She was a school teacher for Christ sake, why would anyone want to hurt her.”

“Well, we always assumed the Captain was their true target, using them to hurt him.”

“But he was the First Officer of the Rutherford at the time,” Buck declared. “You’ve been through his service record like I have. There’s no enemies list to warrant someone coming after him like this.”

“The reason may not be about him personally but something he might have an indirect connection to. Was there anything taking place at the time, anything that would not make it into the official record?” After all, if anyone might know, it was Buck.

“No,” Buck insisted but then something triggered in his memory, and he quickly recanted. “Well yes, but that can’t be it.”

“What?” Ezra stared at him as his statement coincided with the doors to Four Corners sliding open.

At this time of the day, the establishment was somewhat busy. While many of the crew were technically on shore leave, others chose to remain on board simply to relax or were returning to the Maverick after spending the day on Earth or wherever in the system they were visiting. Many of the crew were out of uniform and the atmosphere was lively and cheerful, with people catching up with each other in the leisurely setting.

Buck’s gaze immediately went to the bar where Inez was presently holding court. As they approached, the lovely bartender gave him a radiant smile of greeting, immediately jump-starting the heart in his chest, telling Buck, he was irrevocably hers, signed, sealed and delivered. Ezra noticed the reaction and rolled his eyes before rebuking his cynicism. After all, if he could find love with a titian-haired beauty who loved show tunes and decorated her engineering toolbox with flowers, Buck could do the same with the sultry Latin beauty.

“Hello Buck, hello Ezra,” Inez greeted when the two officers reached the bar. “Ezra, how are you feeling? Julia said you were supposed to be recovering.”

“I am fine Miss Recillos,” Ezra reassured her with a smile. “I am still a little sore, but I do not intend to engage in any vicarious activities. I simply needed some time out of my quarters.”

“And I’m making sure he doesn’t overdo the excitement,” Buck winked at her, drawing a laugh from the woman.

“Your usual then?” She asked both men brightly.

“Please,” Ezra answered quickly, wanting to return to the conversation they were having before they stepped out of the lift. Once Inez received an affirmative from Buck, she headed off to fill their orders, leaving them to do just that. “Now, you were saying Commander?”

Buck watched her go, always enjoying the view when she left before returning to the subject at hand. “Oh yeah sorry,” he apologized and faced Ezra again. “As I said, the only thing happening at the time was the fact Chris was up for his first command on the USS Reliant. Naturally, after what happened with Sarah and Adam, he voluntarily dropped out of the running.”

“Understandable,” Ezra nodded, recalling the captain mentioning this during his discussions. “Who did become Captain in his stead?”

“Oh Ella Gaines,” Buck replied without hesitation. “Nice enough woman. She and Chris dated once or twice at the Academy, but they never really hit it off. This was way before Sarah of course, not long after he got to the Academy. Never saw a man so sure he was going to be captain or determined to make it happen. I swear if I didn’t bug him to start dating, he would have blown a gasket with all that study. Anyway, after the accident, he wasn’t in any condition to take command of anything.”

Buck fell silent for a moment, remembering those dark days when he was worried Chris was going to kill himself from the sheer agony of his grief. Forcing Chris to remember he couldn’t honor Sarah or Adam by allowing himself to deconstruct had fractured their friendship for good. Oh, they were still friends, but it was never the way it was back in the days when they were both cadets coming up the ranks. However, the place they were at with each other now, told Buck the sacrifice had been worth it.

“Anyway,” he shook the sad memories out of his head. “Ella got command of the Reliant and that was that. Pity too, it was a hell of an assignment.”

“What was the assignment?”

“The Reliant was one of the first few ships to be assigned to the Gamma Quadrant. The wormhole had just been discovered and at the time, we didn’t know about the Dominion yet, or more importantly, they didn’t know about us. You remember what it was like, everyone wanted to go explore the new territory for all sorts of reason, trade, scientific study, you name it. The Reliant was meant to maintain a presence in the Gamma Quadrant, to keep an eye on all the traffic entering from our side.”

“And after the accident, the captaincy went to Captain Gaines.”

“That’s right. Chris was their first choice,” Buck said until he caught the gleam in Ezra’s eyes and realized what path the man was heading down. “That’s insane Ezra.”

“I said nothing,” Ezra looked at Buck with perfect innocence, but inside the wheels were turning in his mind as he considered the idea. More than considered it actually.

“You didn’t have to,” Buck called him out immediately. “I know Ella, Ezra. True, the woman was ambitious but hell when you’re a first officer, you have to be. When you’re that close to the captaincy, you can get a little single-minded.”

“You seem to escape that curse.”

“Don’t bet on it,” Buck retorted but even as the words escaped his lips, he knew there was some truth to Ezra’s belief. He wasn’t in a rush to leave the Maverick. He was serving with the best captain in the fleet and the friends he made on board this ship was the closest he ever had. Sure, it would be nice to have his own command one day, but Buck was happy where he was.

Of course, there were others who weren’t satisfied with anything less than taking center seat and felt staying in place for too long was to grow stagnant. Buck had never been one of those. However, now Ezra had planted the seed, was Ella Gaines that determined? He didn’t think so. The woman they knew at the Academy was strong-willed for certain, but she was also friendly and often showed remarkable integrity.

What Ezra was suspecting her of was impossible.

“Look it can’t be Ella,” Buck insisted “I mean for her to pull this off, would mean every psych test Starfleet has to measure its captain’s mental capacities are wrong, that they let someone with homicidal tendencies through the screening. I mean this isn’t like in the days of Garth of Izar, where a captain could go insane without anyone noticing.”

“This sounds serious,” Inez frowned as she returned to them, carrying their drinks in her hand.

“Not at all,” Ezra said not offended by Buck’s vehement refusal to believe that Ella Gaines could be at the bottom of all this. In truth, he had focused on it because at the moment, there were no other suspects and he was speculating. Still, even as he told himself that, the idea clung to him, like a splinter in the mind. “Just having a healthy debate about the trip we are taking.”

“Trip? Where are you going?” Her eyes met Buck’s.

“We’re taking a trip to the colony on Theta Cygni,” Buck answered. “Ezra’s got an idea about the men who attack him and Alex.”

“You mean the Soko.” She stated.

Both men stared at her in surprise. “You know it?” Buck asked.

“Of course,” Inez replied. “I wasn’t always a bartender you know. I did some travelling when I was younger. When Raphael was at the Academy, my friend Lydia and I went space hopping. We spent almost a year in Soko, you know soaking up the atmosphere, meeting all these different alien races and learning about the local cuisine. Lydia met a Denobulan there and married him. He died a few years ago and left her the restaurant they ran together. She still lives there.”

“Really?” Ezra stared at her for a moment, struck with inspiration. “Miss Recillos, how would you like to catch up with your old friend?”

“What?” Buck stared at Ezra. “Ezra no, this could be dangerous!”

“Commander Wilmington,” Ezra stared at Buck in annoyance at the protest. “If Miss Recillos has a contact at the ‘Soko’ is it? Wouldn’t it be better we exploit that connection? Especially since what we need to do there has to take place covertly?”

“Buck,” Inez gave him a look of annoyance, understanding his objection had come from a place of concern but not about to be coddled either. After a year and a half on the same ship with Ezra Standish and Alex Styles, she considered both of them her friends. If she was able to contribute anything to help find out who tried to harm them, she was willing to try.

“Buck, the Soko is a mish-mash of communities from all over the quadrant, with not much love for the Federation. The two of you just can’t go in there asking questions, you need a local to get your answers. Let me help. I know people there, not just Lydia.”

Buck did not like this, not one damn bit but she was right and he knew it.

Of course, the idea of her coming with them was something he liked to entertain if he were wearing any other hat than the First Officers. The person who attacked Ezra and Alex had been brazen enough to do it in a heavily-armed Starfleet space station. On Soko, there would no such protection, and they would all be exceedingly vulnerable. However, he also knew that this was the first real clue to finding out the truth about the Magellan in five years. He owed it to Chris to do everything possible to get those answers, no matter what his personal feelings were on the matter.

“All right,” he sighed, taking comfort in the pleasure of her company, even if the circumstances were not ideal. “You can come.”

“Buck please,” Inez rolled her eyes giving Ezra a knowing look. “I wasn’t asking your permission.”

“Nice,” Buck glared at Ezra. "Anything goes wrong, I blame you.”

Not as much as I’ll blame myself, Ezra thought silently.

Vin was seated alone in Four Corners, staring into the expanse of stars outside the window, trying to draw wisdom from them as his ancestors must have done when his race and the world was young.

It had been a long time since he felt as uncertain as he did right now. Being in the same place emotionally as when he first came on board the Maverick, left him frustrated and bewildered. Internally, he was warring with himself. He knew he had the power to find out what Alex was hiding from him, but he could not do so because of his promise to her. Their mating bond allowed him to ride any physical contact into her mind, so he could get at the truth she was hiding from him, but to do so would be to violate the trust between them and that was something Vin would not do.

After agreeing to marry him and understanding what the bonding meld entailed, she asked only one thing of him, to stay out of the place she kept the memories of her imprisonment by the Cardassians. For the most part, he remained true to that promise but after her reaction at SickBay a day ago, Vin felt his resolve crumbling. She was holding something back, something important and with Alex, Vin learned long ago, it was usually something she thought he could not handle.

Alex was so determined he not discover her secret, she had refused to return to their quarters, wishing instead, to remain in Sick Bay for her convalescence. Vin would have been deeply hurt if it was not for their marriage bond allowing him to feel her utter despair at present. The anguish inside her, blunted his hurt emotions but left him at a loss with what to do. In the end, Vin had gone to Josiah, who was already planning on seeing Alex and hoped the Counsellor could do something to help her.

“How are you doing Vin?” Vin heard Chris Larabee’s voice next to him.

Vin saw the Captain standing by his table, his expression one of sympathy and felt a sudden wave of gratitude at knowing he was there. Aside from Alex, his friendship with Chris Larabee was the best thing to come from his posting to the Maverick. On the Rutherford, they had just started to get to know each other when the ship was destroyed during the Battle of Sector 001, but since serving on this ship together, they had escaped the chains of rank to become best friends.

“I’m all right Chris,” Vin sighed and gestured for the man to sit, in case the Captain thought he was intruding. “Just trying to figure things out.”

“I know,” Chris nodded taking the seat next to him, holding a glass of whisky corresponding with the one Vin was presently drinking on the table. “Nathan told me Alex didn’t take the news too well.”

“No,” Vin shook his head, still flinching at how she had shouted them both out of the room. “It’s more than just losing the...” Vin had to pause because it was hard to say, even now, “the baby.” For a few seconds that pain surfaced again, deep and cutting. Images of what that child might have been, stabbed at his heart and he was forced to rein it in, less he felt the urge to smash something from the fury of its loss. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Chris said quietly. “I know what it’s like to lose a child, Vin. I understand.”

“Thanks, Pard,” Vin met his eyes after a moment, composing himself. “As I was saying, there’s something more than just losing this baby that’s got her so messed up. I can feel her hiding it from me like she’s ashamed or something. “

Chris drew in his breath, debating whether or not to say what was on his mind even though he knew this was a wholly private matter between Vin and Alex. Yet, he could not bear to see his friend this way and a Captain wasn’t a psychiatrist, so he wasn’t bound by the same rules. The welfare of his crew was his first priority and Vin’s mental state right now concerned him. Besides, Vin wasn’t just a member of his crew, he was his best friend.

“Vin,” Chris sucked in his breath. “I’m going to tell you something that I probably shouldn’t, but you’re my friend and I can’t stand to see you like this, not when I can help.”

Vin’s gaze turned sharply to him from his study of the stars outside. “What do you mean?”

Chris met his eyes with similar intensity. “It means I am going to tell you something that can’t leave this table, well not the parts of it that don’t directly affect you that is.”

Vin sat up straighter, understanding what lines Chris was crossing for the sake of their friendship by that statement alone. “Chris, I don’t want you getting into trouble for me...”

It was true. Vin didn’t want Chris risking censure, no matter how much he needed the truth. Their friendship meant too much to him to risk that. Yet even as he looked into Chris’s eyes, he knew his best friend would not be convinced otherwise, if he had already made up his mind to help Vin.

“It’s okay I won’t,” Chris assured him, grateful for the consideration but knew for both Vin and Alex’s sake he needed to make this revelation. “But I think you need to hear this so you can understand why Alex is behaving the way she is. Maybe if you know, you can help her through it.”

Vin nodded, grateful for this man who was his captain and his friend. “Thank you, Chris,” he said before falling silent and let the Captain say his peace.

Chris took a deep breath and dived in, whatever the consequences. Both Vin and Alex were his friends and no secret was worth watching them twist in pain when he had the means to help them. Besides, he had really gone too far to pull back now. “Vin, you know when Alex escaped that Cardassian prison, she was found by a Pakled freighter in an escape pod.”

“Yeah,” Vin nodded. That much about her return from Cardassian space was in her service record. Alex had been found outside of Cardassian territory, floating in an escape pod, before being returned to Federation space. She was the only survivor of the destroyed facility, at least that’s what they believed until Gul Lemar arrived on the Maverick three years later.

“What you didn't know, was when they took her off that escape pod,” Chris paused, severing the last chains keeping the secret inside him untold, “she was two months pregnant.”

Vin simply stared for a second as the full implications of that statement settled over him. Finally, he understood why she reacted so violently to the news and why she made him promise to stay out of her mind. It wasn’t the rapes she didn’t want him to see, it was this.

“Jesus,” he whispered and felt his gut clench in anger. Now more than ever, he wished he was able to rip Lemar apart when the man was on board. It wasn’t enough the son of a bitch had brutalized her, he had to plant his seed inside her and leave Alex to deal with the horror of it.

“Yeah,” Chris nodded, sharing all the fury sentiments he could see on Vin’s face. He had felt it himself when Josiah told him about the pregnancy after the psychiatrist had taken the extraordinary step of breaking the seal on her records to learn the truth. “A therapeutic termination was recommended by the doctors who treated her. She was in no shape to protest. They thought if she was forced to carry it, she’d end up suiciding like some of the others.”

“Others?” Vin’s eyes widened. Of course, there would be others. Alex had called them rape camps so there had to be other victims as well.

“The women who came out of the camps were in bad shape,” Chris explained. “Some were catatonic and never came out of it, others who recovered left Starfleet for good and those who couldn’t cope, ended up killing themselves. Starfleet counsellors were afraid if Alex was forced to have it, she would most likely have killed herself first.”

“Christ,” he whispered, trying to imagine how she must have felt and suddenly he gained a whole new level of understanding about Alex’s pain learning upon about the miscarriage.

“I don’t know why Alex is reacting the way she is right now,” Chris said honestly, “but I thought you ought to know. It might give you an idea on how to help her.”

Vin nodded and stood up slowly, understanding at last what was required of him. He drained his glass and turned to Chris, with gratitude in his eyes.

“Thanks pard,” he said with a sad smile, “it does.”

********

The first time she came to see him, no one was more surprised than Josiah Sanchez.

Of all the crew on board the Maverick, it was Alexandra Styles Josiah most wanted to see, because of everyone on board, she needed his help the most. Yet she was also the one who was most determined to stay away from him at all cost. Josiah supposed he could have forced her to see him, but his instincts as a counsellor told him, it would not yield the results he wanted and so he held back, even though everything about her screamed pain.

As a healer of the mind, it was difficult for Josiah to stand by and do nothing when she was clearly suffering from an untreated case of PTSD and the only reason she was still wearing the uniform was she had managed to keep it from affecting her work. Furthermore, the counsellors who did manage to treat her in a limited fashion believed removing her from duty might do more harm than good. Nevertheless, Josiah kept a watchful eye from afar and saw progress in her growing friendship with Vin Tanner.

There was a kind of symmetry about their relationship, Josiah thought. Both were outcast by choice and circumstance. Touched by Vin’s difficulty in social situations, Alex had come out of her shell long enough to encourage the Vulcan to reach out to people and as a result, began her own healing. That is until Gul Lemar, the man responsible for her horrific treatment during her time as a Cardassian prisoner came on board.

The walls she built around herself collapsed in a violent explosion of fury, which Josiah understood once he discovered the full scope of her trauma. In truth, he suspected rape well before this, but the systematic abuses perpetrated by the Cardassians in their rape camps left even him aghast. When he realized the fate of other victims of the camp, the Counsellor had reacted strongly, demanding her removal from duty. The Captain refused.

It was the first time they disagreed on anything.

In the end, however, allowing her to remain on duty had saved Alex’s sanity and realizing she needed reinforcement of a different kind, Josiah arranged for Alex’s adopted mother, Kellien to come on board the Maverick. When the formidable Klingon matron left the ship, Alex had come to see him for the first time. Of course, she claimed it was to thank him, but then she started talking and after that, she would come to see him informally, for an hour or so, where she would reveal some of the fears plaguing her still, even if she felt she was on the road to recovery.

It was why he believed he was the only one who could help her now.

“How are you?”

She was lying on her bed, staring out the window of her room in Recovery, watching the traffic of ships swarming around spacedock and the Earth below. When he spoke, she turned her head to him and her eyes revealed her profound sorrow, which was something he was unaccustomed to seeing. Normally Alex kept her emotions guarded, but today they were naked like a raw nerve and there even appeared to be relief at seeing it was him standing there, and not Vin. Her shame was oozing from every pore of her and Josiah had a feeling he understood why.

“I think I’m being punished,” Alex said, not realizing she had wanted to talk to someone about this that wasn’t Vin until the words left her mouth. She had never spoken to anyone about this subject, even when she revealed the truth to the Captain.

Josiah took a chair next to her bed. “You’re not Alex,” he said kindly. “What happened to you was unfair, but you did not deserve any of it.”

Alex looked away. “It feels like punishment.”

“For what?” He asked, even though he knew, it was important she say it.

“Because I didn’t feel this bad the first time I was pregnant and it went away...” Alex couldn’t even bring herself to say the word ‘termination’, even though both of them knew it was what she meant. “I didn’t give it any thought other than relief. I couldn’t bear having it. The idea of carrying anything that animal left inside me, made me want to die but this time, knowing I had something inside me Vin and I made together, I feel like it was taken away because I wanted it.”

“Alex,” Josiah reached for her hand. “What happened to you was tragic but that’s all it is, tragic. It's not punishment. Considering the circumstances of your last pregnancy, no one could have expected you to behave any differently. You need to forgive yourself for what happened.”

“I can’t Josiah,” Alex whispered. “I’m guilty of so many sins, not just being glad to get rid of what Lemar left inside me, but because of what...” she paused before admitting. “What I did to him.”

Josiah stared at her. “What you did to him?”

As far as Josiah knew, Lemar had been blamed by the Dominion for their failure to take the Maverick and executed. Alex had nothing to do with his death.

“I sent a message to him, just before he and the Dominion were chased away when we got reinforcements. It was heavily decrypted to make the Dominion think that I was trying to get it past them under the radar. “

“What did it say?”

Alex swallowed, she had told no one this, not even Vin. “That he shouldn’t mourn for me, even if he provided us with the shield modulation frequency for the five Cardy ships they had coming after us.”

Josiah managed not to smile even though she was confessing to an act of murder. Lemar had come on board the Maverick, tricked everyone into believing he was an ally when in fact he intended to deliver the ship and its crew to the Dominion. Josiah hadn’t been present on the bridge at the time, but according to JD Dunne, Lemar demanded Alex and Mary be handed over for his sadistic brand of captivity, as part of the terms of surrender. If Alex had given him his comeuppance, for that sin and the depravity he showed to so many other women, Josiah had no cause to think ill of her for it. He knew for a fact Chris had wanted to launch the man out of an airlock and what Vin would have done would have been infinitely worse.

“I see,” Josiah said neutrally and squeezed the hand he was holding. “Alex, I’m not going to absolve you of anything, but this child was lost because of someone’s malicious act, not because of karmic retribution. I don’t believe the universe is that badly designed. I do want you to remember, you are not alone in any of this. You have people around you who will help you and will be there for you. You also have Vin.”

“How can I tell him any of this?” Alex stared at him. “He’s had to put up with so much already, I can’t ask him to accept this too.”

“You don’t have to,” Josiah met her gaze. “He loves you Alex. We’ve seen it since the day he laid eyes on you, I think he can handle this a lot better than you think. Thanks to you, you’ve helped to make him strong, you should take advantage of that strength.”

Alex blinked and nodded, knowing he was right. Vin was stronger, far stronger than she ever thought that wounded young man she met that first day in Four Corners could ever be. They had weathered so many storms together and what they had was special, even she recognized it in her bruised state. They had healed each other and now, now she would have to surrender the part of her pain to him as an offering to show him her trust.

“Thank you, Josiah,” Alex said softly. “You’re a hell of an analyst you know?”

Josiah brushed her cheek gently and smiled. “So, everyone keeps telling me.”

********

Vin went to visit Alex only after Josiah had gone. He knew the Counsellor had intended to see Alex and wanted to give the man the time to talk to his wife without crowding in on her. After what Chris told him, Vin wanted to rush to her side and tell her that it didn’t matter, he didn’t blame her for anything or think that she was sullied in some way because of it, as Buck once told him she might think herself to be. In fact, the more he thought about it, Vin realized all that was in the past and if Alex wished it left there to spare herself the pain of memory, he could respect it.

When he arrived at Sick Bay, Nathan had gone for the day. It was evening on board the Maverick, now that the ship’s chronometers were aligned with local Earth time since they were in orbit around the planet. Li Pong was on duty and she waved him in, aware that in this particular case, visiting hours did not apply. Vin thanked her silently and stepped into the room Alex was occupying. She was lying on her side, her back facing the door. Even though he couldn’t see her face, Vin knew she was staring at the stars.

One of their favorite things to do was to sit across each other at the Observation Deck and admire the stars rushing past the Maverick. In the early days, they could just sit across each other that way without exchanging a word, enjoying each other by presence alone. He’d loved her from the first day she sat across him and told him, he should to never be ashamed of who he was because he was neither Vulcan or human, he was unique and because unique, he was free.

No one had ever said that to him before and when Vin thought about it later, he realized she was right. His destiny was his to write, it didn’t matter he had no connection to Vulcan, or he would never be human. As long as he was happy, that was the only idea he ought to aspire to.

Slipping into the bed next to her, he saw her glance over her shoulder at him before she faced the window again, saying nothing. She had not told him to leave, which was an improvement after their last encounter. Instead, when he nestled himself against her back and slipped an arm around her waist to spoon, Vin was encouraged when he felt her shift slightly in the bed, so she was pressing closer to him. Resting his cheek against her hair, he simply held her, not needing to speak because this action between them was all he needed to know everything was right between them again.

“I’m so sorry Vin,” she spoke softly, feeling his heat radiate across her back, marveling at its power to soothe and make her feel safe when the world became too much for her to cope with. While the meld gave them a deeper connection to each other, it could never match the intimacy of this simple bit of contact when they could feel each other’s hearts beating against one another. “I didn’t mean to shut you out.”

“It’s okay darlin',” He whispered, luxuriating in the silken strands of her dark hair against his cheek. He never tired of the scent, even in this cold antiseptic environment. “I know you’re hurting.”

Alex blinked, feeling guilty once again at how she chased him out earlier, and hating herself for forgetting he was equally hurt too by what happened. Not facing him, Alex took his hand in hers, admiring the wedding band on his finger that said to all he was hers. Placing his palm against her chest, Ale wanted him to feel the heart that so utterly belonged to him.

“You’re hurting too. It wasn’t just mine, it was yours too.” Her voice breaking a little as she uttered those words.

“Someday Alex,” he held her tighter, willing his love into her body. “It will be ours again. It just wasn’t meant to be this time.”

This time. Yes, there would be children in their future. It was a distant thing before, something that would happen eventually as time unfolded. Now, she saw it as something real, as a promise they could look forward to.

“I’d like that,” she admitted. “I want us to have a family.”

“Me too,” Vin smiled, pleased to hear that, but seeing no reason to discuss the subject now. Like all things at this moment, it could wait. He felt her chest tighten as if she was bracing herself and knew she was about to tell him what she had been so afraid to before. At that moment, Vin realized, it was unimportant.

“Vin, I need to tell...”

“Alex,” he stopped her before she could finish. “It doesn’t matter. I love you and whatever it is, it can wait until you’re ready to tell me, if you ever are at all. Tell you the truth, it ain’t important whatever it is. All that matter is I love you.”

Once again, Alex blinked and fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, a few droplets touched his skin. She lifted his fingers to her lips and planted a soft kiss against them. “Thank you, Vin,” she whispered, grateful he was sparing her this for now. “I love you too.”

With that, she let herself become lost in his arms as they both watched the space outside the window and healed each other in the starlight.

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