Sometimes, Vin Tanner dreamt of the parents who sired him. 

For a split second, while he drifted between the nexus of sleep and wakefulness, long forgotten memories would rise silently from the mists and he would see in flashes of images too brief and vague to be coherent, the faceless Vulcan parents he had known briefly. It was the emotions they engendered that left its impact on him the most, the terrible yearning for them, of hoping this time, they would not fade away like they had so many countless times before. Whenever they vanished like smoke before him, he would feel small again, small and frightened as he had been when he was a child alone in the wreckage.

Oh, that much he took with him into the waking world. He remembered scrambling in the dark, terrified of sounds, of being afraid to go into the cockpit of that battered ship because instinct told him what he would find there, was not for him. When he dreamed was that child again, he would awake covered in sweat with sheets plastered to his skin. Sometimes the wet on his skin was even produced by tears.

Whenever Vin was questioned about his parents, he would invariably speak of the Tanners, the humans who took him for their own after finding him shivering in the wreckage of the Seleya’s Heart, the Vulcan ship that crashed and left him orphaned. It was not his fault of course. When he remembered his mother, his mind conjured the image of the lovely Earth woman with the brown hair and soft eyes not unlike his own. She who had held him in those early days when the memory of the crash was vivid in his mind and the destroyed part of the ship he dare not venture into, haunted him regularly. His father, her husband, had been an equally caring man and reminded him a little of Josiah Sanchez, though Vin never mentioned that to the Counsellor. They took him in when he was orphaned and were on their way home to Earth, when a quirk of fate caused them to become marooned on a world, almost as rustic and remote as the one they rescued him from. 

They remained stranded on that world for the next eleven years of Vin's life and everything Vulcan inside of him was burned away by the bonds forged of their mutual entrapment and the love his human parents had unfailingly shown him. What remained of his Vulcan parents was evident every time he looked into the mirror and the vague memories that only seemed to surface in the small hours of the night. When he finally returned to the world, he found his personality of a being who embraced emotions, who savored every moment no matter how illogical it might seem, to be an affront to the basic tenets of Vulcan philosophy. Fortunately, his adoption by the Tanners was legally binding and Vin found himself inheritor to their farm in Texas, so he at least had a home to call his own especially since no one on Vulcan was eager to claim him. The last vestiges of his native origins were severed with that final abandonment.

No one was more grateful for this fact than Vin himself. He had no need of the Vulcan philosophy of logic above emotions. He could think of nothing more odious than reducing the sum of his experiences to cold hard data. He was not going to say the love of his human parents was illogical. He still longed for the fresh pies his mother used to bake and the way she used to croon him to sleep when his nightmares became too much. When his father died, having fallen to his death because of some unnoticed ravine, it had been just the two of them for years. She succumbed to some infection, the cause of which he never knew, but the last thing she said to him was that he was a Tanner.  

When he emerged from his self-imposed exile from the Texan ranch, he spent his time ensuring that he would qualify for the Starfleet entrance exam, Vin learned what impact being a Vulcan raised by humans could have on people. Humans for most part found it easier to accept him because he was like them and most of the time, Vin was able to slip past without letting anyone know he was Vulcan, which was part of the reason why he grew his hair over his ears and kept it that way so the question of his origins would never come up.

Vulcans however, knew he was one of them immediately and their distaste was evident although in reality they were not supposed to show such feelings. Upon entrance into the Academy, he realized they would never accept him because he was everything they left behind when they adopted Surak’s teachings. Vin knew they considered him a throwback to a more barbaric age particularly when he took such delight in experiencing emotions in all its full colored and multi-layered intensity. For most part Vin did not care, having decided early on that he could not live by such a rigid code and anticipated living life as a human. 

All he cared about was being a Tanner. The name Vin was a left over from his birth parents and having looked it up once, discovered it was most likely a shortened version of Svinak. It meant 'the solitary one'.  

Somehow it seemed appropriate. 

Chris Larabee wondered if he was not getting a little old. 

With the sun on his back and a drop of nearly two hundred feet below him, he reminded himself the key to rock climbing was not to look down. Even seasoned professionals did not break that taboo when scaling the heights. He supposed it would not be so bad if he was in the holodeck and he could feel the reassurance of its safety protocols ensuring he would not be dashed against the rocks if he lost his footing. However, it was necessary for one to feel a little danger if one wanted to appreciate living. At least that’s what he told himself. Mary just called it ‘some pathetic attempt to recapture one’s youth by doing something really stupid’.

Chris had the feeling Mary did not really like him mountain climbing. 

Ah, what would she know, he snorted to himself. She’s just a girl.

Staring up the remaining length of the mountain he had to climb, he saw Vin already several feet above him. Chris mumbled under his breath at the younger man’s stamina. Vin was climbing up the side of the cliff like a demon, barely noticing the drop and seeing the edge as something easily unattainable, unlike Chris who was wondering if perhaps Mary was not just a little right about his need to recapture his youth. After all, it was only one birthday and because it was less than a week away, he did not have to prove to himself even though he was nearing the 39 mark, he was not old. He was in pretty good shape for a man his age.

Of course, when you hit 39, you were only a short step away from 40.

A small voice whispered maliciously in the back of his mind and caused Chris to search for another handhold in the rock to haul himself a little further along the way. Sweat covered every inch of him. He could even feel it running through his hair and his muscles ached from the abuse. He did not know how many scrapes and bruises he acquired while attempting to scale what was almost a sheer cliff face. When the Maverick had first pulled into Risa, Chris thought of there being nothing worse than having to take shore leave on a planet where there was nothing to do but be over indulged in the trappings of a tropical island resort. However, Buck had dutifully told Chris, having the entire range of tourist activities available on Risa in his private log, there were more strenuous activities available to those who did not go in for pampering and over indulgence.  

Surprisingly enough aside from miles and miles of resort perfect beaches, Risa also had an impressive mountain range that was prime hunting ground for intrepid climbers like himself and Vin Tanner. Vin, who was really in need of some exhausting exercise to burn the boundless energy he seemed to have these days, was already making plans for this excursion no sooner than the information had come to him via Buck’s logs. The top of the cliff was a jagged line against the blue sky, Chris noted and thankfully, he was making good progress once he coaxed his limbs into moving. Despite himself, he could not help but admire the speed upon which Vin was scaling the height and suspected the only reason his helmsman had not yet reached the top was because he was slowing down a little to let his captain keep up.

Vin’s progress and possible lagging made him speed up and as the ache impressed itself more on his mind, Chris started thinking of all the things he could be doing. He could be with Mary who at this moment was sitting on a beach somewhere with Alex, bare limbs exposed thanks to the scrap of material he had so lustily remembered she called a swim suit, glistening with a thin film of moisture as she soaked in the sun. He pictured her hiding beneath her sunglasses, blond hair glistening in the sunlight and wondered what the hell he was doing here, where he could fall to his death with one loss of footing? 

Oh yeah, he remembered. Attempting something really stupid to convince himself because he was turning 39, he was not old.

"You doing okay Chris?" He heard Vin’s voice from above.

The helmsman had paused to see how his captain was faring. Vin had to remember humans did not quite have the stamina of Vulcans and lately, he seemed to have a great deal more than usual. The mountain called the Monolith, mostly because it looked like one from a distance was one of the most challenging climbs he had attempted in quite some time, but he wondered if he might have selected something that was just too hard for his Captain. Of course, Chris would never admit it if the course was too much for him. His Captain was not only proud but determined to believe no obstacle could be uncrossed.

And he had a birthday coming up.

"I’m fine." Chris grunted as his foot slipped into the groove of rock that was wide enough to support his weight as he pushed himself further along the side of the cliff. The top of the mountainside was not far away now and seeing it gave him a renewed sense of strength, for he no longer paused in between spaces.

"I wouldn’t wait for me. I’ll be catching up to you soon enough." 

"Okay." Vin grinned and started climbing once more. "You ain’t doing bad for an old guy you know."

 Chris glared at him and responded through narrowed eyes. "How would you like to be seeing space from the inside of a maintenance hatch when you’re cleaning the warp conduit coils for the next month, Lieutenant?" 

"Gee, you weren’t this grouchy when you were younger." Vin remarked in typical smart assed pose.  

"Are you trying to make some kind of a point Tanner?" Chris asked as they continued climbing.

"Not really," Vin answered and glanced downward at his captain. "Are you?" 

The question made Chris pause and he raised his eyes to see Vin was actually waiting for an answer. "No, why do you ask?" 

"I know you have a birthday coming up." The Vulcan stated as he resumed climbing. "You’ve been sort of touchy about it."

"I’ve been touchy about a lot of things." Chris deadpanned.

It was true. Since finding out that the possibility existed Sarah and Adam’s death may not have been accidental, he had been obsessed to the point of endangering his ship and unwittingly causing the unnecessary deaths of some of his crew. He had not overcome the guilt from his behavior during those weeks, not to mention how he treated his friends and Mary at the time. Now when the worst of that storm had passed, he was reminded he was another year older, but the actions of the past year indicated he was not necessarily wiser. 

"My ma used to say that things change." Vin replied as he drove the final spike into the rock, the one allowing him to climb over the edge to the top of the Monolith. "You either get used to it or spend a lot of time feeling lousy." 

"She was a smart woman." Chris sighed, knowing that Mrs. Tanner’s wisdom pertained to him more than he would like to admit.

He did not speak for a few minutes, allowing the silence to follow him all the way to the top as he took his mind from his personal thoughts and focused his attention on climbing the rest of the way. Naturally he saw Vin clambering over the edge first but by that point, Chris was not far behind him. A few seconds later, he found his hand on the notch in the smooth rock carved out by Vin and hauled himself over the uneven edge. The peak of the monolith was nothing more than a flat piece of land that must have been part of the main mountain range but had been eroded away through millions of years of shifting landmasses and equally formidable forces of nature. However, the onus of making the climb was not just for the challenge but for the magnificent view it rewarded those who dared to scale its heights. 

Below him, Chris could see the lush green valleys of Risa’s Oonaris Province. It was a landscape of sculpted hills covered in thick grass and breathtaking flora. In the distance, the wispy skyline of the mountains stretched across the horizon until they disappeared into the blue sky. Seeing it made Chris draw in a pleasured breath overriding the exhaustion in his limbs and the rest of the minor injuries incurred during his climb. He let his gaze soak in the sights and realized with a deep sense of appreciation, even if he was getting a little older, there was still things left to marvel at and the surprises that came late in the day were often the ones most valued.  

"Thanks Vin." Chris said to the Vulcan as he lowered himself to a resting position on the edge where Vin was presently sitting, admiring the scenic lookout before them. 

"My pleasure pard." Vin replied softly, knowing his captain and friend well enough to know the tonic he needed to get through this. Like the rest of his friends, Vin noticed Chris becoming increasingly surly with the approach of his birthday and felt his friend needed something of a pick me up. Chris had been through a great deal of late and Vin wanted the Captain to stop being so hard on himself, in action and in age.  

"Kind of puts things in perspective, don’t it?" Vin soaked up the panoramic beauty before him. The sight of something older than both of them staring back at them in indifference and resplendent beauty had exactly the effect on Chris Vin had hoped. The Captain let out a deep breath as the glow of the amber sun began to descend from the heavens.

Chris shifted his gaze at Vin long enough to agree with a little smile. "It sure does." 

******

"Why must we do this?" Ezra asked Julia Pemberton as they stood in the pet store, looking at the small, fur covered creature inside its cage. The darling little creature, little more than a bundle of white fur, sniffed through the glass as if it could smell Julia’s finger, trying to catch its attention. 

Julia Pemberton stood up right from the glass display and stared at him critically. It was not like she hadn't already explained this to him a dozen times since they left their hotel in order to visit the shopping district. "I read if we can share in care of a pet together it will make it so much simpler when we finally move in together."

Ezra stared at her. "Where exactly did you read this statement?" He inquired hoping to find the offending publication and erase the data in order to make more storage room for the waste recycling computers.

"Who remembers?" Julia shrugged and then returned her attention to the little moppet trying its hardest to regain her attention once more. "The point is, this is an exercise that will help us when we live together." 

"But we have yet to move in with each other." 

"Look," she puffed up her chest, an indication she was starting to get mad with him. "If we can look after a kitten, I’m sure we will be making that step in no time. I mean you do want to move in with me, right?" She stared at him, expecting an answer. 

"Absolutely." He said with his best poker face. 

"Ezra..." Julia repeated herself, not quite believing him when he became so masked. Usually that meant he was hiding something from her. She had seen him play enough poker to know when he was lying. "I thought we had something special. It’s a natural progression of our relationship. Are you telling me you have commitment issues?" 

Ezra groaned inwardly, wondering how on earth he stumbled into this conversation when discussing a kitten. The few patrons scattered through the small space of the pet store had suddenly forgotten about the animals they were perusing and were now trying not to stare at the couple even though they were listening to every word. 

"Adorable isn’t it?" A familiar voice broke into the conversation and for Ezra, what was already decaying into a bad situation suddenly became worse with the speed of a ship slamming into warp. 

"Mother!" Ezra exclaimed, his worst fears being realized when he saw his flamboyant mother breezing into their presence out of nowhere, somehow entering the store past his notice when he and Julia were engaged in their little ‘discussion’. 

"Mother?" Julia turned to him in question. "This is your mother?"

"Why I live here on Risa, my dear." Maude smiled, looking nothing like her years and still capable of turning the head of every man who was wise enough to appreciate beauty and vintage. "Didn’t my darling boy tell you?" She turned to Ezra and gave him a little stare filled with sweet revenge at being so clandestine about his arrival. 

"No," Julia said unhappily, "the darling boy didn’t." She capped the statement off with a venomous look in his direction.

"I was going to surprise you," Ezra explained quickly, suddenly feeling like a Christian about to be thrown into an arena with a pride of rather ravenous lions. Then he recanted when he realized he was nowhere that lucky. "And mother, I did leave a message at your hotel I was here." 

Maude let out a sigh and smiled, conceding her son that much.

"He did." She met Julia’s gaze and then came towards Ezra and embraced him warmly. "How are you Ezra darling?"

Julia fumed inwardly, wishing she had better preparation for this. Meeting Ezra’s mother was an even bigger step than buying a kitten, she grimaced. She wished she were wearing something a little more appropriate than a light floral sarong tied in a knot at her waist and her bikini top. Ezra and his mother seemed very close even though she sensed some anxiety in Ezra about their meeting. Still, he should have told her that his mother resided on Risa at least. 

"And who is this?" Maude asked once she and Ezra had made their greetings. Maude made no attempt to hide she was sizing Julia up when she cast a steely gaze on the young woman.

"Mother this is Julia." Ezra introduced. "Julia, this is my mother Maude." 

"Hello Maude." Julia greeted nervously and shook hands with Ezra’s mother. "I’m sorry I’m standing here with my jaw on the floor. Ezra never told me you lived here." 

"Well that’s Ezra." Maude shrugged as if the omission was something she had become very accustomed to over the years. "When I found out that you were here, I just had to find you. I called the ship and spoke to a charming young lady, I believe her name is Casey? Well she was most helpful and immediately told me which hotel you were at. Now darling, I at least expected you to stay at my charming premises."

"I wanted something romantic," Ezra stammered, trying to explain while reminding himself at the same time to check the regs to see if there was any rule against strangling a Captain’s yeoman.  

"Why we have romance." Maude insisted. "Now you finish up here and I’ll wait outside. We can go to the hotel to get your things. You’ll stay with me, I won’t hear another word about it." With that she swept out of the place like a hurricane, leaving only destruction in its wake.

Julia turned to Ezra and he could see his love was clearly upset. Ezra opened his mouth to speak when suddenly, the pet storeowner stepped forward, unaware of the tension he was interrupting and asked the couple innocently, "will you be taking the Persian?" 

Julia narrowed her eyes at him and waited for a response. Ezra swallowed thickly and sighed in doomed resignation, no matter how well he explained himself to her about why he had been less than forthcoming about his mother.  

"Charge it to Commander Standish of the Maverick."

******

Josiah Sanchez was minding his own business, enjoying the sunshine on his face as he continued to read the book on native Risan cultures he purchased for his afternoon sabbatical on the sun. As he sat on the beach chair situated in a luxurious stretch of beach near the resort he was staying, he could hear the voices of people laughing around him, water splashing, and all the sounds associated with the beach, including the soothing sound of waves dragging across the sands, whenever the surf met the shore. He relaxed in the heat, enjoying the peace of hearing nothing but his own thoughts, content with not having to worry about the mental well-being of everyone on the Maverick. It was as blissful as it could get.  

"Hello." A tawny vixen with virtually nothing on, (actually they all had virtually nothing on, not that he noticed), padded up to him and greeted with a smile. Her skin was bronzed from the sun even though she was clearly Caucasian and made Josiah think of one of those native women on remote island paradises, that brought so many sailors to pleasurable ruin in the days when exploration was limited to the high seas.  

"Hello." He greeted her back somewhat annoyed. She was the sixth in a line of beauties that had been coming on to him all day. Either he had acquired some of Buck’s animal magnetism or the ladies in this part of the galaxy were more accommodating than he knew. In either case, he was too old for fly by night encounters anymore.  

"You are seeking Jamaron." She smiled, and it was an alluring smile with perfect white teeth against sun bleached brown hair.

"Nope," he shook his head. "Don’t know who that is and wasn’t actually looking for him." 

She giggled, a soft enchanting laugh. "Jamaron is not a man. It is a desire for becoming one with another."

"And you think I’m looking for it?" Josiah’s brow shot up in confusion. "Why?" 

"Because of the horagon." She pointed to the ugly wooden sculpture Buck requested he purchase for him while he was down here.

At the time of the buying, Josiah had wondered why the First Officer would request such an item. After all, Buck never struck him as anything of an art lover, not to mention Buck’s insistence that he display it in the open because it was considered good luck was a way of showing native Risans, visitors respected their culture. Never one to mock the beliefs of anyone, Josiah obeyed even though he thought it peculiar at the time.  

"One only displays it openly when they are wishing Jamaron with another." She took great pleasure at how quickly his face flushed red upon realizing what he had been doing. 
And if things could not be any more embarrassing, it was at that moment Audrey King, along with her daughter Lilith and Billy Travis, suddenly sighted him and strolled over.  

"Josiah," she greeted and stopped short at the sight of the sculpture sitting in the sand near his chair. "Are we interrupting anything?" 

"Hi Josiah!" Lilith greeted, puzzled at why her mother’s voice had suddenly turned cold as a Siberian winter.

"Hello Josiah." Billy made the same greeting and then stared at the sculpture. "You have a horagon."  

Josiah swallowed thickly and reminded himself to kill Buck later on. "Audrey, its not what it looks like."

He did not have to be a Counsellor or even a Betazoid to guess by the look Audrey was giving the young woman with him, she did not quite believe him. Audrey’s gaze shifted to him and remarked coolly. "I was going to ask if you would like to come with us for a walk on the beach, but I see you’re busy. Good day, Counsellor."

Josiah saw her, and the children draw away and barely heard the apology being offered by his tawny Risan beauty. However, he did wonder whether psychiatrists still had the power to have people lobotomized.  

He was certainly willing to make the attempt on Buck Wilmington to find out.

"You know," Mary Travis sighed contently as she felt strong hands coaxing the knots out of her back. "I should be with my son."

Alexandra Styles brushed a strand of damp hair from her back, allowing the masseuse presently working on her own back better access to her neck. The young man in his twenties was oblivious to the conversation between the two women as he and his equally beautiful companion kneaded the supple skin beneath them, relaxing the knots formed thanks to stress and other excesses of work from the muscle. Alex closed her eyes and rested her head against her towel, more than happy to let a professional go to work, while lounging underneath the luxurious sunshine overhead with the sound of the nearby ocean, calling out its siren song with every rush of wave against the shore.

"You were with him yesterday when you went bush walking and canoeing. You were with him the day before when you took him swimming and tomorrow it’s going to be the zoological gardens isn't it? I think you're hardly being neglectful for taking a personal day. Besides," she said with a little smile. "What could you be possibly doing that could beat all this attention?" 

"You're a bad influence." Mary deadpanned as she noted the hands sliding down her back and let out another pleasured sigh.  

"No, I'm not," Alex said defiantly. "I'm just one who knows how to suck the marrow out of life and besides the scenery is just great." She winked salaciously. 

 To that of course Mary could not disagree. The two young men who were working so devotedly on them were barely into adulthood wearing the customary garb of all Risans when in beachfront venues, that is to say very little. Mary could not help but appreciate the fine lines and the more than perfect muscle tone surrounding her and knew there was more than a little sinful pleasure in all this. "Well the marrow is looking very good." Mary smiled, reaching for the tall, slightly frosted glass sitting comfortably next to her beach towel.  

"To think, I could have gone rock climbing with Chris. I am so glad I decided to let the boys go alone." She said in a monotone oozing with sarcasm. 

"Oh yes," Alex giggled. "Me too. I was just crushed when Vin said he and Chris ought to go alone." Both women ended the conversation in a fit of giggles until Mary felt a hard slap on the back of her rump.

"OW!" She swore, dropping her drink and looking to see Chris kneeling down before her, staring most disapprovingly at the young man who had been giving her so much attention. The infamous Larabee glare sent him and his companion scurrying along and Mary rolled onto her side, rubbing her sore behind with a frown on her face. "That was not nice Chris." 

"What were you doing with that, that kid?" Chris managed to get out. He did not want to show he was annoyed but if anyone's hand were going to be touching Mary that way, it was going to be his.  

"Hey!" Alex grumbled. "You didn't have to scare mine away too Captain." She complained when her masseuse appeared to be taking the same high road.   

"And why not?" Vin Tanner asked, clutching two colorful concoctions in his hands as he approached a few short feet away, having seen most of what had transpired in the last few seconds to guess what had been going on. "You could get arrested for doing that on a public beach." 

"It was a back rub." Alex said with narrowed eyes. "It's almost as fun as rock climbing." She turned to Mary with a wink. 

"Almost." Mary grinned, one brow arching in equal mischief.  

"That was disgraceful," Chris pouted as he sat next to her. "You're a mother for God's sakes. That kid was young enough..." 

"I wouldn't finish that statement if you want to live." Mary warned. 

Chris decided it was good advice and discontinued the thought. "So, you have a good day?" He asked instead, leaning down next to her, his elbow digging into the dirt as he made himself comfortable.  

"Reasonably." Mary smiled. "We did absolutely nothing." 

"And it was hard work." Alex confirmed. 

"I don't know how you can sit around all day and just do nothing." Vin declared unable to fathom the wasting of such a glorious day.  

"Well for those of us with a metabolism that's not like a runaway train, we find it easy." Alex remarked smugly. "Besides, we have great scenery here too." Her eyes followed a reasonably well-built Risan running past on the beach. 

"You ain't got no shame." Vin remarked, dipping his fingers in his drink and splashing it on her face. 

"You men are just jealous.' Mary snorted

"Jealous?" Chris scoffed. "What would I have to be jealous about?" 

"Well..." Mary shrugged and considered for a moment before giving him a perfectly evil smile. "You are getting kind of old." 

"Alright that's it." He gave Vin a look and the helmsman picked up his intention immediately before nodding in agreement. Without saying another word and their course clear, no matter how hazardous to his health, Chris scooped Mary up in his arms and started carrying her towards the shore. 

"CHRIS LARABEE, DON'T YOU DARE!" 

"Sorry," he said with an equally evil smirk. "I can't hear you too well, you know how these old ears can be..." 

Neither was Mary alone in her outrage because she was soon listening to Alex's equally annoyed voice in pursuit of her progress towards the shore. 

"VIN! What the hell are you doing?" The science officer demanded as she was hoisted into Vin's arms with almost no trouble at all.

"Sorry Alex," Vin grinned with a teasing smile just before she heard Mary Travis' s outraged shriek when Chris Larabee dropped her into the ocean. "Captain's orders."

******

This was hell. 

It was the only way Ezra Standish could adequately describe his present situation. He had gone to hell. At present, he was seated at his mother's private table at the main lounge in the Risan hotel known as One Eyed Jacks, owned lock, stock and barrel by Maude Standish. The place was tastefully converted to display the furnishings of a gambling house from the late 1800's and came complete with ornate designs of the period. Ezra found it extremely likeable and was rather surprised at how well it met with the eye. Begrudgingly, he had to admit his mother had finally found the perfect place to concoct her schemes. However, he wished his first glimpse of the place did not have to be with Julia at his side. 

Whatever concerns Julia might have had about not making a good impression on Maude Standish had more or less faded with both women trading humorous stories about him, while he discovered new levels of embarrassment and mortification. Ezra found himself downing another glass of expensive Bordeaux that was served for the occasion while listening to his mother and Julia giggle as each story made him look even more ludicrous than the last. Fortunately, the dinner crowd had yet to come into the lounge so for the moment at least, he had some measure of privacy about the most embarrassing moments of his life. 

"I never pictured Ezra as a dog person!" Julia laughed as she heard the story about her lover's attempt to dress some poor French poodle. 

"Oh no he wasn't," Maude remarked. "He just didn't think it was proper for that dog to be naked or when he was little, he used to say nekid." 

Ezra needed another drink. Hell, he needed another bottle. 

"Oh God!" Julia laughed ever harder. "Well that explains why he was so enthusiastic about us getting a cat!"  

"A cat?" Maude stared at her son. "Are you seriously telling me after all this time you are committing to a relationship my darling?" Her eyes twinkled with mischief and Ezra could sense something bad was going to happen. He narrowed his eyes in warning at his mother, but she did not seem to notice. 

"By the amount of complaints, I received about it, you think I was asking him to marry me or something."

"Oh, Ezra is the marrying kind...." Maude turned to Julia again. 

"Mother!" Ezra called out helplessly, aware of this was leading. "I do not think we need to regale Julia with every minute detail of my childhood." 

"Oh, I'm really want to hear it 'darling'." Julia gave him a wink that told him in no uncertain terms, he was to sit there and suffer. "Go on Maude." 

"I knew he was the marrying kind the minute he decided to run off with that showgirl."  

Oh hell, Ezra swore wondering if matricide could be a justifiable crime.  

"Showgirl?" Julia stared at him in shock. "You were going to run off with a showgirl?" 

"Not exactly," Ezra cleared his throat wondering how he was going to explain this when Maude stepped in and took the liberty. 

"Not exactly because she did not want to be called a cradle snatcher, my dear." Maude met the Engineer's gaze. "You see Ezra was only seven."  

"Seven!" Julia burst out laughing. "My goodness, you were ambitious!" 

"Mother is this really necessary?" Ezra glared at Maude and dared her to continue at her own peril.  

Maude let out a sigh deciding that she ought to give her poor son some respite especially when it appeared he did like this young lady very much.

"It's just so good to see you Ezra." She beamed and for once it was a sentiment that came straight from the heart. 

"It is good to see you too mother," Ezra answered and genuinely meant it, even though he was not impressed Julia knew more about his past than he would have preferred. He noted the little smile that crossed the lovely engineer's face and knew her silence was because she did not want to intrude upon this tender moment between mother and son.

"And I'm so thrilled to meet you my dear." Maude glanced at Julia. "You know I've been hoping Ezra finally found someone to give that ring to."

Julia blinked. "Ring?" 

******

Buck Wilmington was very pleased with himself when he stepped into the shower cubicle inside his quarters on board the Maverick. Since the Captain was down on the surface of Risa taking a well needed rest, Buck had volunteered to remain on board and keep an eye on the ship while he was gone. Chris did not like the idea of both command officers being off the ship at any one time, so Buck knew that if he did not offer to remain, Chris would forego the idea of taking a vacation altogether. Truth be known, a little time vacationing was exactly what Chris needed. With the emotional roller coaster, the man had been enduring the past few weeks, Chris needed a little respite from the pressure of having a thousand-people relying upon him to keep them safe in the wilderness of space. 

So far, the sector was generally peaceful and though they were due to ship out of Risa in three days, Buck could feel the tension levels on the ship easing already. He himself had been down quite a bit already so he did not mind taking the bridge. Being First Officer was a job he loved and while he enjoyed rest and relaxation, not to mention the opportunity to find pleasing female company especially those clad in very little, Buck did not mind being master of the Maverick for a day either. Everything was running smoothly, and the tone of the bridge had been relaxed. Still when his shift was over, Buck was only too happy to step into a hot shower. 

Vin Tanner who loved hot showers introduced Buck to the concept and very soon the First Officer could not deny that he too, found it extremely refreshing. More so than a sonic shower, even though the latter was meant to be more efficient. As Buck soaped up and cleaned the day's accumulation off his skin, he found himself chuckling with amusement as the steam rose up around him. He knew that as First Officer he ought to be expending his time with more responsibility than playing practical jokes, but it was so easy, he sniggered to himself through the warm shower of water coming down on his face.

Josiah had asked him what he knew about Risan culture and Buck had told him as much as he knew, embellishing a few facts particularly in the case of the horagon. However, Buck was adamant he had done his crime for the very best of intentions. Josiah needed to relax just like everyone else and if he could do so in the company of a nubile minx who wanted nothing but to Jamaron? What's the harm in that? In fact, one would say Buck was being a good friend, ensuring that the Counsellor who listened to so many problems and offered comfort to everyone on the ship, was also deserving of some attention himself. 

Besides, Josiah could take a joke. 

Buck had started to wash his hair when suddenly he noticed a strange odor filling the inside of the cubicle. It was not unlike peroxide or something was ammonia based. His nose wrinkled with distaste as the scent became stronger and was pressing against the sides of the small cubicle. Buck made a note to speak to engineering and decided the safest thing to do was to get out of the shower before he suffocated from the noxious smelling stench displacing his oxygen supply. Quickly washing his hair, Buck rinsed off and stepped of the cubicle, grabbing a towel from the nearby towel rack. He dried off and pulled a robe over himself before making his way to the com unit in his quarters to report the defective shower. Buck was passing by his mirror when he just happened to glance at his reflection and froze.  

He was blond! 

His hair was an uneven and badly dyed shade of blond, with intermittent dark patches sticking out in places, appearing a stark contrast against his dark moustache and eyebrows. Buck's jaw dropped to the floor as he let out a horrified gasp.  

"What the hell!" 

Josiah! 

At that instant, the com unit started to beep, and Buck let out a frustrated groan, swearing vengeance in all its ugly forms as he stormed to the viewer and answered whomever it was that dared to bother him at this unfortunate moment. As luck would have it, the face on the screen was JD Dunne's and the ensign's eyes widened as he saw Buck's appearance through the screen. 

"Buck, your ha...." he started to say when Buck cut him off.

"Not a word about anything else other than why you called me here." Buck warned menacingly, and JD had enough sense of survival to heed his words. 

"Yes Sir." The Ensign nodded, trying not to stare as he remembered why he had been contacted. "We've received a priority transmission from Starfleet Headquarters." 

Typical, Buck thought to himself. Just typical! A priority transmission meant something urgent needed discussing and Buck had to be on the bridge immediately to discern what that urgency might be since the captain was off the ship. He would have no time to take care of his little 'problem'. Buck ran his finger through his hair and sighed to himself. "I'll be there shortly." 

"Yes Sir." JD nodded and couldn't not resist adding, even though it could mean his court-martial. "Blondie."

With that, he terminated the transmission having no wish to see Buck signing his death warrant. 

Buck saw JD's smirk before the screen dissolved and could only form one coherent sentence in his head.

You realize of course, this means war.

******

Chris Larabee appeared on the bridge less than an hour later, having been summoned from Risa when he was informed about the contents of the transmission from Starfleet Headquarters marked priority. As much as he hated to cut short everyone's furlough, especially his own, he knew such transmissions were not sent without good reason and it would almost certainly mean the Maverick would be embarking upon another mission. Chris had just enough time to get back to his quarters, jump into a shower and slip into a fresh uniform before he was on his way to the bridge. As he made his way into the turbo lift, he allowed himself a little smile at the last few hours, particularly Mary's squeal just before he dropped her into the drink. She had been plenty mad for a few minutes before she too got into the spirit of things. They both engaged in playful bout of water splashing before they were joined by Vin and Alex after the science officer was done trying to drown the Vulcan for throwing her in to the sea.

 All in all, it had been a good vacation, despite the interruption and for the first time in days, his birthday was the furthest thing from his mind. Chris arrived on his bridge a few minutes later and stopped short when he saw his First Officer. Buck Wilmington turned red as JD Dunne sat at his station, trying not to laugh. He could see the young man fighting for control to keep his need to snigger out of Buck's hearing. Chris walked slowly towards the bridge, a look of decided amusement crossing his face as he met Buck's gaze. 

"Lose a bet?" He asked with a completely straight face. 

"No." Buck fairly seethed as his answer left him in a low hiss. "Someone programmed my shower cubicle to give me an instant dye job."

Chris did an admirable job of not laughing out loud but instead managed to respond quite coherently. "Someone?" 

"Josiah." Buck stated without any hesitation. "Josiah did this to me." 

"I see." Chris answered but really, he did not. "And what did you do to him?" Because Josiah would not be taking sweet vengeance like this without a very good reason. Chris knew his Counsellor very well and it was nice to know the man could give as good as he got. 

"Nothing!" Buck exclaimed in exasperation. "I was trying to help."

"Having been on the receiving end of your help before Buck," Chris replied with all the calm he could muster as he lowered himself into his command chair without succumbing to the absurdity of Buck's new hair color. "Exactly what did you do?" 

"I told him to buy a horagon and display it openly when he was at the beach." 

That did it for JD. Whatever control he had, slipped at that moment and the young man burst into loud guffaw and even though it was completely inappropriate to do so, Chris could not berate him for doing so. However, Buck was starting to get mad. 

"Ensign," Chris said shortly. "Compose yourself." 

"Yes Sir," JD replied, wiping the tears from his eyes.  

"Buck?" Chris stared at his first officer again.  

"Yes Chris?" Buck asked wondering if he could be any more humiliated.  

"I don't want to know." 

"But Chris...." Buck started to protest.

"I don't want to know." He said cutting off any further comment on this matter. At that, both first officer and the captain retired to the privacy of the Captain's ready room so that they could freely discuss the contents of the priority message from Starfleet. Chris slid behind his desk while Buck took his usual seat although Chris needed a second to compose himself, so he would not stare at Buck's hair.  

"What was the transmission?" He asked when he was finally settled in.

"The Romulans may have broken the treaty regarding Dominion prisoners of war." Buck explained, all business now that they were discussing the issue at hand.  

"How so?".  

"Well you know when we defeated the Dominion, we were meant to hand all captured prisoners over to the Founders for return to the Gamma Quadrant." Buck explained.

"Which we did." Chris stated firmly. The Maverick was one of the ships employed to undertake the activity following the end of the Dominion War.  

"Well we did," Buck answered. "But it appeared the Romulans may be keeping Jem’Hadar warriors and conducting genetic testing on them." 

"What?" Chris exclaimed in open shock. "Genetic testing is against all the conventions of modern warfare! The Romulans are one of the strongest supporters of this. They believe it is dishonorable. It’s the one thing we all agreed on, Klingon, Romulans and the Federation." 

"That's why we're being sent to investigate." Buck replied. "Our sources say there is a research facility on Riga 3." 

"Riga 3 is inside Romulan space." Chris pointed out. 

"Our orders are to proceed to Deep Space 5 to pick up a special attaché named Dylan Pierce who will brief us on what we are to do next." Buck retorted automatically.  

"I hate these guys," Chris sighed easing into his chair. "They're always more trouble than they're worth." 

"Well in the case of this one, I guess that's true." Buck replied handing Chris the data pad regarding the history of the man.

Chris looked at Buck with puzzlement before reading the contents of the data pad, in particular the personal history of their soon to be guest. 

"Is this right?" He looked up at Buck. 

"Afraid so," the first officer confirmed. "He was Alex's ex-fiancé." 

With the advent of new orders, all furloughs were cancelled, and personnel were recalled to the Maverick. The mission ahead was one of crucial importance and the possibility of venturing into Romulan space was not to be taken lightly. Chris had contacted Starfleet headquarters and received further elaboration on the mission to Riga 3. Upon learning what was required, much to his consternation, he immediately ordered a staff meeting with his senior officers. It was the only time Chris felt inclined to tell Starfleet they were insane but had to confess begrudgingly if anyone could carry out the task they required, it had to be one of his own people. As far as Chris was concerned, there was none better.

Two hours after he had returned to the Maverick himself, Chris walked into the conference room and found the senior officers assembled. He had given each sufficient time to refresh themselves after the premature end to their vacation and though other personnel were still being recalled from Risa, it was necessary for the senior staff to arrive first. When Chris entered the room with the large windows on most walls offering a picturesque view of Risa and space, he heard JD gleefully relating the story of Buck’s new hair coloring to the rest of the crew. Josiah seemed very smug and Buck, who had since been to the ship’s barber to deal regain his natural coloring, was trying to take all the laughter with good humor.

"You should have seen it!" JD tittered until he saw Chris and quickly stifled his laughter.  

"Now Mr. Wilmington," Ezra turned to Buck with a smile. "I never thought of you as a bottle blond."

"It wasn’t that funny." Buck grumbled. 

"Sure it wasn’t, Bucklin." Vin grinned and incited more laughter.  

"Now come on," Josiah spoke up. "I’m sure you’ve had enough amusement at our first officer’s expense." There were no signs of repentance in the Counsellor’s face as he made the statement. 

"You’re a fine one to talk!" Buck waved a finger at him. "You’re the one who did this to me!" 

"And you had it coming." Josiah drawled. 

"Officers," Chris raised his voice an octave as he reached the head of the table. "I think we can dispense with this discussion until later." 

"Yes Sir," Buck immediately silenced himself on the subject but not before he and Josiah exchanged a look of challenge across the table from each other, telling everyone who saw it, this little war had only just begun. 

"Sorry, Chris." Josiah remarked with a little smile, wishing he had seen Buck in his new 'do' but was regaled with enough stories from JD to know even if he had not seen his handiwork, it certainly produced the desired effect. 

"Okay," Chris took a deep breath and let his gaze sweep over all his officers. "As you might have guessed, our furloughs were cut short because we have received new orders." 

"Obviously," Ezra remarked. "However, I take it there must be some urgency involved." 

"Yes, there is." Chris nodded. "After receiving the priority one communication from Starfleet, I contacted Headquarters myself and received further data on this situation. It is very serious. Apparently, information has been smuggled to the Federation High Council, not all the Dominion prisoners taken during the recent war were handed back to the Founders. It looks like the Romulans may have held back a few Jem’Hadar warriors for the purpose of genetic research." 

"That’s a violation of the Khitomer Treaty." Mary pointed out immediately. 

"Yes, it is." Chris nodded in confirmation. "However, to add a wrinkle to an already incendiary situation. The Romulans claim they don’t know anything about it. In fact, they are somewhat horrified by the notion it might be taking place under their noses." 

"So why don’t they sort it out themselves?" Josiah inquired. 

"Because," Mary let out a sigh, "Romulans being Romulans, are too arrogant to admit they might have let something like this happen right under their notice and would not like to call public attention to it by making the search themselves." 

"Exactly." Chris replied. "Which is why they want Starfleet to go in and confirm or deny the allegations. Then submit the information to the Federation Council who will pass it to the Romulan Senate, to expedite the matter quietly through the Tal Shiar. No one else in the Romulan Empire need ever know." 

"I see," Ezra mused. "We are protecting Romulan dignity, is that it?" 

"Call it an attempt to further Federation Romulan relations." 

"Captain," Nathan Jackson made himself heard. "Do we know what the nature of the testing is about?" 

"Yes," Chris frowned, bracing himself for the cry of outrage that was coming if he knew his Chief Medical Officer with any accuracy at all. "The testing seems to be specifically centered on the building of a genetically superior warrior. In other words, whoever is responsible is trying to find out if they can build their very own Jem’Hadar warrior, minus the dependency on the White."

Audible gasps flowed through the room and Chris could hardly blame them for their shock. It was generally agreed by the Federation, Klingon and Romulans the idea of having a slave warrior race was one of the most detestable things about the Dominion and the Founders. The Jem’Hadar were grown like some twisted crop to fight and win at all costs. The Founders engineered them with a chemical dependency on Ketracel White, which not only kept them alive but very much subjugated to their masters. To the Jem’Hadar, there was nothing nobler than dying in the service of the Founders who were their gods.  

To the rest of the Alpha Quadrant, it was obscene. 

"Is that possible?" Julia asked. 

"Anything is possible these days." Nathan shrugged. "The Founders haven’t devoted much time to it because it was in their best interests to keep the Jem’Hadar under control. However, if you can engineer a warrior whose loyalties are set, who doesn’t have a crisis of conscience and is twice as powerful as a Klingon, why not? There has always been researching out there whose aim is to improve the body. We ourselves have been guilty of that. Genetic manipulation is as old as time. We did it with wolves by turning them into an entirely new species. We do it with plants and food crops and as recently as 20 years ago, we were doing it with children." 

"Not our finest hour." Alex muttered, remembering the days when fears of imperfect children led some parents to illegal institutions where children were corrected of their flaws on a genetic level. Ordinary children with no real deficiencies were being altered in order to reach some ideal in their parents' minds. The practice while successful in some instances, failed miserably in others, dooming the subjects to all kinds of severe mental instabilities. The Federation banned the practice on all its worlds and the Klingons found it completely dishonorable, while the Romulans felt it to be a tampering of their already superior blood. 

"There’s more." Chris’ gaze shifted to Alex and Vin. "We’ll be rendezvousing with Deep Space Five in order to pick up a special attaché who will have further instructions for us regarding our mission. He’s with Starfleet Intelligence and has been to Riga 3 himself, though not to the installation where the testing is taking place. His name is Dylan Pierce." 

Alex was in the midst of downing a sip of water when the name impacted upon her. She reacted by almost choking on whatever she was in the process of swallowing and managed to speak through her intermittent coughs. "Excuse me, did you say Dylan Pierce?"

"I’m afraid so." Chris nodded, unsurprised by her reaction even though everyone but Buck was staring at her in curiosity.

 "Here? He’s coming here? Dylan is going to be on this ship?" Her voice was almost panicked. 

"Well I know I speak on the behalf of everyone here when I inquire who the gentleman is to you?" Ezra said with a little smirk, entertained by her reaction.

Alex saw the interest in her friends and then noted Vin’s expression who seemed neither curious or expectant but rather stormy. If she did not know better, she would say that he was jealous but that was impossible. Vin could not be jealous of her. She did not think he even knew how but it was his manner prompted her into answering. "He was my fiancée." 

"You have a fiancé?" Vin asked. His voice was a thin line of tension.  

"Had." Alex stressed that word firmly, uncertain about Vin’s behavior but decided it was best if she gave him an answer and an explanation. "I had a fiancé, but it was a long time ago, before…" she faltered as she remembered exactly why she and Dylan were no longer together. "Before the Cardassians."  

There was no need for her to elaborate any further than that and Alex had no wish to answer any more questions regarding the subject in such a public forum. "It's my personal business." Alex met Chris’s gaze. "It will not affect my work." 

"I never expected it would." Chris offered her a little smile. Unfortunately, that was not the only bombshell he had to drop during this meeting.  

"Vin, I’ve had a request from Starfleet Intelligence to involve you in the actual reconnaissance mission." 

"Me?" Vin exclaimed, more puzzled than hesitant. "Why?"  

"I must ask the question as well," Ezra spoke up. "With no disrespect to Vin, is this not a matter more suitable for someone with some tactical experience not to mention covert intelligence training?" The security chief did not at all like the idea of the helmsman being placed into such a highly dangerous situation. Even though Vin could acquit himself at the best of times, he was certain Vin’s extensive survival skills did not extend to infiltrating a Romulan stronghold.  

"I know but Starfleet was not looking at it from that point of view." Chris responded, almost embarrassed to come out and say it because he had more or less reacted the same way that Ezra was doing now when he was first told.  

"What other point of view is there?" Ezra returned. It was not lost on the security officer the way Buck was fidgeting, unable to meet Vin’s eyes and Chris was stumbling with his explanations. "It's not because of the way he looks is it?" Ezra asked, his disgust showing clearly. 

Chris’s noncommittal grunt was answer enough. 

"That’s ridiculous." Nathan declared hotly, finding the notion of someone being assigned to a dangerous mission for the simple reason of appearance, quite offensive on a basic level. "You can’t just let them send Vin into a situation like this just because he could pass for Romulan! There are still a whole lot of reasons why they might finger him!"

"Wait a minute…." Vin started to speak for himself but was inundated with voices from all ends. 

"I agree with Nathan. Sure, Vin’s looks could get him past the door but Romulans are almost a different race from Vulcans now. It is the height of ignorance to assume just because there are a few basic similarities, naturally, he’s more prepared than the rest of us to be assigned a dangerous covert mission. I mean for starters they’re, they’re…." She searched for the word and finally found the one that suited. "They’re snotty." 

"Spoken like a true protocol officer." Julia remarked with a smile. 

"You know what I mean." Mary threw her a narrowed glare. "Chris, you can’t let them do this."

"I second the motion." Ezra declared.  

"Why don’t we hear what Vin has to say?" JD Dunne suddenly asked. 

"Out of the mouth of babes," Buck said with a proud smile at the younger officer. 

The entire table went quiet and Vin looked at JD.  "Thank you." The Vulcan turned back to his other colleagues, bristling with annoyance. "What exactly would I have to do Chris?" 

"As the others have guessed," Chris met his best friend eye to eye. "You need to go undercover. We could get a Vulcan to do the job but the terrain the Away Team would have to go through in order to reach the installation says you’d be more qualified. Riga 3 is a lot like the world you and your foster parents were marooned. You know yourself you’ve aced the survival training scores for the fleet. They want you because you can blend in if you have to and also because you can survive the terrain until pick up." 

"You can’t expect him to go alone." Alex started to protest. 

"Of course not." Chris retorted and was somewhat surprised she would think he would let one of his people go into hostile territory alone. "The attaché will be accompanying him and a tactical officer." 

"That would be me." Ezra volunteered without even thinking twice. 

"Sorry Ezra," Chris shook his head. "I need you on the ship. Our mission into Romulan space is of the highest-level clearance. The rank and file do not know we will be violating the Neutral Zone." 

"He cannot go down there on his own Captain!" Ezra protested.  

"I’ve got tactical experience," Alex spoke up. "I’ll go." 

"Alex, no." Vin turned to her quickly. "I don’t want to risk yourself for me." 

"And I’m not risking myself for you, Lieutenant." Alex gave him a sharp look. "Next to Ezra, I am the most qualified person to go on this mission. A possible incursion with the Romulans does not require the presence of the Science Officer. I would be volunteering if it were any member of the crew, not just you. Friendship aside, I am a Starfleet officer." 

Chris did not entirely believe her either, but she was right, she was the most qualified person on board to go if Ezra was needed on the ship. Vin felt silent and said nothing further about Alex’s involvement although Chris could tell from the expression on his face, he was not happy about it. Still, that was a private matter between the two of them and Chris moved tactfully to the next order of business.  

"Vin," Chris spoke up and took his attention away from this concerns about Alex for the moment. "You are not obligated to go on this mission. Starfleet is asking you to volunteer. I won't order you to go if you don't want to." 

"Hell Chris," Vin shrugged. "I know the risks, I can handle myself." There was so much fearless abandon in his voice Chris could not help but believe it. 

"In that case, I want to accompany the Away Team." Nathan suddenly spoke and astonished everyone by the request. Even Chris found himself staring at Nathan in surprise. 

"Absolutely not." Buck was saying even before Chris could get the words out. "We're only sending essential personnel on this one." 

"Buck's right," Chris added his support to Buck's response although he could see Nathan gearing up for an argument.  

"I don't think so." Nathan responded predictably, and Chris decided to at least let the doctor have his say before the captain was forced to turn him down. 

"And why is that?" 

"Well for starters, Vin is supposed to go in there and gain intelligence about genetic testing yes?" 

Chris had a bad feeling he knew where Nathan was going with this. "That's right." 

"Then how is he going to know what he's looking at without a doctor accompanying him?  He'll have enough trouble trying to pass without trying to decipher what he's looking at. I should go on the landing mission to Riga 3, that way I can tell him what he's looking at when he penetrates the research facility." 

"I don't know Nathan..." Buck responded, very dubious about the wisdom in all this. "It's going to be rough and the larger this Away Team becomes, the bigger the odds of running into trouble." 

"You need a physician." Nathan insistent emphatically. "Out there in hostile territory, if any of you should get hurt, where are you going to get help?" He asked Vin and Alex in particular.

"I'm hoping on the ship when they beam us up." Alex replied but saw something in Nathan's eyes that gave her reason for concern. "Nathan may have a point. If as you say the terrain is as hostile as we think, it might be a good idea to have Nathan around. Not to mention he's right, if Vin is to infiltrate a research facility, he would be of far more use to the project than I would be on that level." 

Chris frowned, not liking the fact his CMO and his science officer had both made some very valid points. As it was, he hated risking Vin to this venture but Alex and Nathan too? This whole thing was starting to give the Captain a very bad feeling. 

"Alright," Chris answered tautly. "But this is all pending on the recommendation of Lieutenant Commander Pierce. He is after all the attaché assigned to this mission."

 "Yes Sir," Nathan responded, willing to concede the point that much. 

However, even though Nathan had relented on this minor point, he still left a number of questions about why he actually wanted to go. Chris knew the man well enough to know while he was concerned about the welfare of the Away Team, there was something more at work here, some deeper concern he was not voicing just yet. 

It was the unspoken that made Chris more nervous than anything else that was coming at them over the next few days.

******

When the briefing was over, Vin caught up to Alex who was progressing at a brisk pace away from the conference room and the rest of the bridge staff in the debriefing. Vin did not have to be telepathic to know she had made her rapid departure because she was in no mood to answer any questions about Dylan Pierce. He had seen her evasive before and the pattern was always the same. Vin left the others behind him and immediately hurried down the corridor where he had seen Alex disappear. All it required was for him to move at a slightly faster pace for him to catch up with her as she stepped into the turbo lift. Vin slid into the confined space with her just as the door slid close and Alex's expression was that of a frown, which clearly indicated she had no patience to discuss anything right now, especially with him. 

Too bad. 

"You left quickly." He accused as Alex instructed the turbo lift to take her to the deck where her quarters were situated. 

"I think we discussed everything that needed discussing." Alex said shortly, aware of what he wanted to bring up with her. Unfortunately, Dylan was the one subject she was not touching with a ten-foot pole. She had enough chaos running through her thoughts at the very notion she would be seeing him face to face in a matter of days, to even broach the subject with someone else.  Especially Vin. 

"I don't think so." Vin returned just as tautly and addressed his next command to the computer intelligence carrying them to their next destination in the turbo lift. "Computer, halt turbo lift."

"Vin, what are you doing?" She demanded with more outrage than she felt. "I'm not talking about this with you." 

"Is that why you volunteered to go on the mission?" He demanded, the heat of intense rage bubbling from the core of him with such intensity, that for a moment just the idea of imagining Alex with another man was enough to make him fight the desire to put his fist through the wall. "To make sure he's safe?" 

Alex's eyes showed her hurt almost immediately but it was crushed by the ironclad control as she returned with just as much venom.

"How dare you?" She roared and struck him across the face. 

The reaction was immediate. Alex felt a fist clenching around her wrist and his weight slamming her into the wall behind them. She felt her back slap hard against the steel and looked up to see he had both her hands pinned beneath his. For a moment, he did nothing but hold her there and Alex was so stunned she could barely react as she watched him lean into her, feeling the muscle of his body pressing against her own. His movements into her were slow and languid as if he were relishing the feel of her against him. His lips were inches from her and Vin buried his face in her hair, taking a deep breath and groaned in what seemed like physical pleasure.  

"He can't have you." Vin whispered softly. "I won't let him." 

The tone of his voice and the closeness of him rekindled something inside her that snapped her reason into a thousand tiny fragments. Alex reacted instinctively with more terror than she had ever felt in recent years. "Computer, proceed to next deck!" She ordered and snatched her hand away from his grip. Once freed, she wasted no time and hit him again, this time she put every ounce of strength into it she could muster.  

Vin staggered backwards as the blow impacted on his consciousness. For a moment, he simply stood there until finally with a shake of his head, met her frightened gaze like a man waking up from a dream. His blue eyes turned on her and immediately registered shock and dismay.

"Oh Jesus Alex," he started to come towards her and froze when he saw her take a step back in fear. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me." 

"Just stay away from me." Alex whispered, unafraid to admit she was frightened of him. When he had her pinned and helpless, she was suddenly reminded of how she felt when those Cardassian animals had brutalized her. Inwardly, she knew Vin would never intentionally hurt her but for one split second, logic was superseded by instinct and she had succumbed to the full torrent of her fears.  

"Alex I'm sorry!" Vin tried desperately to convince her. "I care for you; don't you know that? I care so much that just the thought of someone taking you away from me..." 

No, she shook her head. That was not it. What she had seen in his eyes was nothing like that at all. She wasn't sure what it was, but she knew what she had seen in his eyes was not love or affection but need.  

Pure, hungry lusty need. For her.

Chapter Four:

Awakening

When the debriefing ended, Chris dismissed all members of his senior staff except Nathan Jackson.

Nathan’s sudden desire to wish assignment to the Away mission had indicated to Chris that the good doctor was privy to information he was not, and this gave him a very bad feeling indeed. Nathan was the least troublesome member of his senior staff, mostly because he was an amicable personality with a great deal of inner calm because his world was one that existed with clear boundaries of what was right and wrong. However, Chris also knew if he embarked upon a course he had determined to be right, the man could be a holy terror. Such vehemence only presented itself when Nathan was worried about the crew and in this instance, Chris could not afford not to know what it was Nathan had been trying to keep out of the briefing. 

He stared at Nathan hard across the table after the others had gone and asked simply. "You want to tell me what that was all about?"  

"What Captain?" Nathan remarked innocently even though he knew he was delaying the inevitable. Nathan had usurped the captain during the meeting and forced his presence on the mission, a fact he was certain Chris did not appreciate, especially when he had not given the man the real reason why he wanted to accompany the Away Team. 

"Don’t play games with me, Nathan. I’m better at it than you are. Now, what is it?" 

The infamous Larabee glare bore down on Nathan and even though the healer would defend his position to the death, he could not help being affected by the harsh stare looking at him from across the table. "I’m sorry Captain," Nathan finally conceded, deciding he was being helpful to no one by being so enigmatic. "I know I overstepped my bounds a little, but I had good reason." 

Chris’s demeanor softened a little and he eased back into his chair, indicating to his Chief Medical Officer, they were back to being friends again, not a superior officer to junior. "All right, I appreciate that. Now how about telling me why?" 

Nathan swallowed and wished he had something more concrete to go on but his experience and his instinct on this matter was all the proof he needed. Sometimes for a doctor, that had to be enough to save someone’s life. "It's Vin." 

Chris immediately sat up. "What do you mean Vin?" 

"Ever since we picked up the Away Team up from Fury 361, Vin’s metabolism has been running like a locomotive. You’ve seen how he is. He has more energy than he knows what to do with." 

Chris had to agree. Vin had been running on full steam lately. The activities they had been participating together were becoming more strenuous all the time. The climb to the top of the Monolith on Risa had been the latest in a long list of physically demanding endeavors. "I’ve noticed." 

"He said when he was down there on Fury, he melded with one of those aliens." Nathan started to explain, finding it good to be able to talk about his suspicions for once.

"I remember," Chris responded although he found it hard to think about anything regarding that mission. His behavior and the consequences of it had yet to fade from his memory or his nightmares. However, he brushed all that aside because he knew precisely what Nathan was referring to and when it had happened.

"The thing landed right on him, he was fighting it hand to hand." 

"I think he melded with it," Nathan stated. 

"Jesus," Chris whispered but somehow was not surprised. When they had gone into the alien nest to rescue Alex, Vin was almost savage. Chris recalled how he and Ezra had been shocked when Vin had killed some of the creatures with his bare hands although, at the time, both of them believed it was because Vin was worried about Alex and trying to keep her from being an alien host. However, now that he thought about it, it was not so far-fetched his behavior might have been attributed to some residual effects of his performing a mind meld with the alien.  

"It gets worse." Nathan continued, deciding to lay it all on the line for his captain so he understood why it was necessary for him to accompany the Away Team on its mission. "When he came back, I noted his metabolic rate was higher than usual. Vin told me about the meld, so I figured it wouldn’t last, eventually, his metabolism would return to normal. The thing is, it hasn’t." 

"It’s getting higher?" Chris asked, aware of how dangerous this could be. 

"And showing no signs of slowing down," Nathan said grimly. "At this rate, it will kill him if I don’t get some chemical suppressants into him. I was going to bring it up with him when he got back from shore leave but if he’s the main player in the next mission, I have to do it now." 

That was not the entire picture, Chris thought immediately as he saw the grave expression on his CMO’s face. There was something more Nathan was trying to say but did not know how. This disturbed Chris even more than what he had already heard and had no patience to wait for Nathan to bring it up. "There’s more, isn’t there?"  

"Yes," Nathan admitted reluctantly. "I’m pretty sure I can get his metabolic rate under control if it’s just a symptom of the meld but there is another problem." 

"There’s always another problem," Chris growled. "It wouldn’t be normal on this ship if it wasn’t, so tell me how much worse it could be?" 

"The accelerated metabolism could also bring on Pon Farr."  

Chris’s eyes widened. "Wait a minute," he declared, real anxiety flooding into his voice now. "At his last physical, you said that was almost two years away!"  

"I know that but everything about this meld he went through with the alien is increasing his metabolism. If it does happen, no drug, no suppressants, no treatment I know is going to stop it. The Vulcans are very closed mouth about this; I can’t even get them to talk to me. They would rather handle the treatment of the subject themselves, at least until they realize its Vin we’re talking about." 

"Aw hell," Chris swore visibly disturbed by the idea of Vin undergoing this part of his maturing process prematurely. "What are we in for?" 

"The usual," Nathan responded. "Unless he mates, he dies." 

"How do Vulcans normally handle this?" Chris inquired, realizing he knew very little about that process itself. He supposed he could have asked Mary about the subject since she had been married to a Vulcan and would know exactly what happened during this turbulent period in their physiology. However, he always felt a little uncomfortable about discussing what was clearly a personal matter between herself and her husband. 

"I don’t know too much about the actual customs itself because this is about as taboo as a subject as you can get with Vulcans. I do know they arrange marriages for their children very early on and there is some kind of pre-mating ritual where the child is melded to their mates. It’s meant to strengthen the bond between them until is time for the actual mating. Now whether or not Vin’s parents ever got around to it is something we’ll never know. He was very young when they died so it’s highly likely that there is no mate." 

"What about Alex?" Chris asked, hating the fact they were having this discussion. They were talking about Vin’s sex life for God’s sakes! Not just Vin’s but now it appeared Alex’s as well. Chris could not imagine this conversation could become any more awkward.

"No good," Nathan was already shaking his head. "She’s human. In the state he’ll be in with none of the disciplines Vulcans take years to prepare themselves with, he could hurt her." 

"You’re joking," Chris exclaimed, not knowing whether or not this was funny.  

"No, I’m not," Nathan looked at him seriously because this was nothing to joke about. "If he takes her for a mate, he could kill her and won’t even know he’s done it until after it’s over." 

"Jesus Nathan!" Chris found himself shouting. "What the hell do we do?" 

"I don’t know," Nathan shook his head. "I honestly don’t. At this moment, I can’t even say this is going to happen, but the possibility exists." 

"I can’t send him on this mission." Chris leaned back into his chair with a loud exhale. "I can’t send him down there with Alex and top it off, her ex-fiancé! It will be like throwing a match to gasoline!" 

"Can you talk to Starfleet?" Nathan asked. "Maybe if we explain the situation." 

"Starfleet won’t be the problem. It will be Vin. You know how he is about being Vulcan, he’ll fight me tooth and nail on this. Not to mention that while Starfleet did not make his involvement an order, they were pretty clear they wanted me to make it happen. Relations between the Romulans and the Federation are still pretty cool, even after the Dominion War. There are fears that if we don’t start making nice with them, they might choose to take the opportunity to attack us while we’re in the process of rebuilding the fleet after the war." 

"So, no matter how this plays out, he’ll still have to go." Nathan guessed what Chris was trying to say. 

"More or less." 

"I hope I’m wrong Chris," the doctor said sincerely. "I hope this will pass."

"But you don’t think, so do you?" The captain guessed accurately, serving with Nathan long enough by now to know the man was no alarmist. He would not have offered to go on a mission as dangerous as the one to Riga 3 unless there was a very good reason to be concerned. 

"No, I don’t," Nathan answered. "I think if it doesn’t happen, we will be very lucky." 

Unfortunately, the way their luck had been lately, Chris had little faith in good fortune. He found himself faced with the one situation, he prayed he would never have to face. Through no fault of his own, Chris suddenly realized the moment was drawing close when he would have to choose between his duty to Starfleet and his friendship with Vin Tanner. 

******

"You seemed troubled."  

Alex could not disagree with Bishop’s assessment on her mood because she was.

After the confrontation with Vin, she had to the holo deck where she continued her simulation of building a working model of Bishop’s android form. It had been hers and Julia Pemberton’s pet project since they brought the remnant of Bishop’s form from Fury 361 where it had been languishing for the greater part of four centuries. Bishop was the only relic of 21st-century robotics in existence and in order to give him a voice despite the destruction of his body, the science officer and engineer had integrated him into the holodeck systems, so he could at least have a corporeal form inside the recreational facility. 

"I’m fine," Alex said shortly as she continued to study the interior model of the simulation Bishop provided regarding his internal schematics.  

The workshop in which they were conducting their research was set in the middle of a sunny beach. There was a sun blazing down on her and the lapping of ocean waves in the nearby distance. Even though nothing before her was real, she enjoyed the visual stimulus and it helped to calm her down after her encounter with Vin with the turbo lift. It was also a chance for Bishop to feel as if he were not just trapped in a holodeck. She knew she was being foolish, assigning all kinds of emotions to the android but she could not help it, something about him convinced Alex Bishop was as real as any sentient could be. 

Bishop did not press for a few seconds after she made her curt remark, choosing instead to walk to the shore and wet his feet in the water. Of all the humans on board the Maverick, she reminded him most of Ripley. There was the same haunted expression in her eyes, the mark of someone who had seen too much too soon, and endured nightmares others could not possibly imagine. He supposed that’s why he enjoyed talking to her so much. It was almost like talking to Ripley again. Sometimes the Captain came in and talked to him too, except the captain mostly asked questions about his ancestor, Private Dwayne Hicks of the Colonial Marines. Bishop told the Captain as much as he could about the Corporal who bore such an uncanny resemblance to his 24th century counterpart. However, Bishop had not known Hicks for very long and could only tell him what little he knew during their brief acquaintanceship. 

"I’m not really troubled," Alex spoke up after a moment, putting down the tool in her hand and stared after him. "I guess if there was a word for it, its spooked." 

"I know the term," Bishop said with a little smile. "What spooked you?" 

"Vin." She said with a slight frown. 

Bishop knew there was something of an odd relationship between the Vulcan and the science officer. What he had accessed through the ship’s data banks told him enough about Vulcans in general for Bishop to know Vin Tanner was not your average one. He was more human than he was Vulcan and having studied something of the man’s Starfleet records, Bishop understood why. "What exactly did he do?"

"He touched me." She responded after a pause feeling embarrassed to be even bringing this up. "I mean he’s touched me before and I’ve even shared a bed with him, not that anything happened though," she quickly explained. "But when we were in the turbo lift today, it was very different." 

"I was under the impression he was not mature enough to sense sexual pleasure," Bishop stated, padding nothing. 

Alex flinched, feeling her inhibitions rise up around her when the situation was put so bluntly. "That's what I thought but it didn't look that way. I mean he looked like he was really enjoying it." 

"How do you feel about that?"

"What do you mean how I feel about it? What am I supposed to feel?" She asked somewhat annoyed. 

"I asked because I was under the impression that you and the lieutenant were...." Bishop started to say when Alex cut him off. 

"We're just friends." 

"That share a bed." 

"We just sleep together. I have nightmares...." Alex answered, dropping her gaze to the sand. "When I sleep with him, they go away. I don't know why." 

But she did know. She knew the first time she felt his arms wrap around her in the darkness and felt his heart pounding against her back when they spooned. It was because he made her feel safe. Somehow, when she was with him, she did not remember the nightmare with the Cardassians, she did not remember how they abused her because she could only feel his hands on her skin and all the horror seemed to bleed away in the face of his tender touch. 

"I see," Bishop said quietly. Having access to almost every terabyte of information on board the Maverick made Bishop privy to the details of her incarceration and the abuses she suffered at the hands of the Cardassians. Such an intimate step with Vin Tanner could not have come easily and only reflected the true depths of her feelings for him.

"What do you see?" Alex asked defensively but she still wanted to know what he thought. At first, she had been horrified by Vin's actions, the look in his eyes and the feral need that reminded her too closely of another time when she had been subjected to such scrutiny. Unfortunately, the more she thought about it, the more confused she became. Hadn't she tried to make love to him once before? When Gul Lemar had been on board and she was undecided about whether or not she would gut the bastard for what he had done to her, she had turned to Vin and tried to make love to him. He was unable to respond and said nothing even though what she had done was more intrusive then what he had attempted in the turbo lift earlier. 

"I think you care about him a lot." Bishop responded. "I think your relationship with him has been safe until now. You had all the comfort of a lover but not the physical demands. Now it looks like that might change, you're naturally afraid." 

"I'm not afraid of anything." She bit back but she was lying, and she knew it. 

"You are afraid of this," Bishop said bluntly. 

"You're an android. "What would you know?" 

"I've been programmed to analyze human behavior so any conclusions I reached whether erroneous or not are based on your responses." He said with a good-natured smile. 

"And to think, I plan to help you walk among us." She said sarcastically but after a second admitted the truth. "You're right. Until now it has been easy. He fills a space inside of me no one else can. A space that hasn't been filled for a very long time." 

"Then what's the problem?" Bishop asked in that infuriatingly calm voice.  

"I have a lousy track record with relationships." Alex pointed out. "I don't want to take that step with Vin and then have it go the way the others did. I couldn't stand it. We've got something good and if I mess it up, I couldn't stay on this ship." 

"How do you know it will fail?" 

"Because it has before and a day from now," Alex sighed. "The living proof of that is going to be on board this ship." 

Dylan Pierce.  

God, could her life get any more complicated?

******

What was the matter with him? 

Vin Tanner was still unable to believe how he behaved when he was in the turbo lift with Alex. One minute they were discussing her ex-fiancé and the next thing he knew, she was against his body and he could smell that amazing scent of hers in his lungs. Her hair felt like silken strands against his skin and there was a moment there when all he wanted to do was to stay there, feeling her soft body against his lean hard one forever. Nothing else mattered, not the fact they were behaving most inappropriately for two senior officers or the fact that when she looked at him, her eyes were filled with fear. Vin had frightened her. 

When he regained his senses, he could not understand what led him to behave the way he did. Of course, Alex would be scared out of her mind. After what she had been through with the Cardassians, how could she react any other way when a man came on to her that strongly? Vin did not even know why he had done it. Lately he had been noticing her more acutely than ever. Suddenly, the way she moved in her uniform made him picture what she would look like without it and when she smiled at him, his heart started pounding and he wanted nothing but to hold her. Fortunately, she had not needed him to help her sleep the last weeks because God only knew what he would have done if he found himself pressed up against her when she wore so little. 

Was he actually experiencing some sort of sexual awakening? Is that what this was? Vin wished he knew for certain. If this was what he feared, if this was Pon Farr then he would have to find himself a place to hide because the animal he would turn into would terrify Alex and Vin would not see that fear in her eyes for anything. 

He was on his way to his quarters when he saw the slender redhead walking up ahead. Whatever thoughts had been in his mind faded away momentarily as he admired the form strolling in front of him. Even before he knew what was happening, he found himself hastening his pace until he was walking right next to the woman staring at her data pad. 

"Lieutenant Richmond." 

Charlotte Richmond raised her eyes and realized whom it was who had spoken to her. Immediately, she looked around to see if Commander Styles was around. Charlotte had no wish to be in the second officer's doghouse if she inadvertently said something unkind to this Vulcan. Fortunately, for the moment, he was alone.

"Lieutenant Tanner." She said with a painted on a smile with no real warmth. 

"You're looking good." He responded with a husky tone to his voice that was completely unfamiliar. 

"I beg your pardon?" She exclaimed in surprise. This sort of compliment from Vin Tanner was completely unexpected. The man was usually so shy and barely said a word to anyone who was not a member of the bridge staff.  

"I think you heard me the first time Charlotte." He said giving her a long look that started at her toes and by the time he reached her eyes; she wondered how come the corridor had suddenly jumped ten degrees in temperature. 

Charlotte swallowed hard, remembering the cruel jibes she made about his sexuality when he had first arrived on the Maverick. She had been mean and could understand why Commander Styles had rebuked her. She wondered if he remembered how nasty she had been and was playing tricks with her. However, the smoldering blue eyes undressing her even as she stood before him, played havoc with her common sense. 

"I've just finished my shift." She started to say, watching him closely and admitting now she understood why he was viewed with such desire by more than a large majority of the female crew than he probably knew. "I was going to my quarters for a little dinner. Want to join me?" She asked nervously. 

Vin took a step closer to her and let his lips brush past her hair at the barest fraction. She smelled nice. Her scent was floral, that much he knew, and she was very attractive. He stared down at her, at the curve of her lips, the tapering smoothness of her neck disappearing past the high collar of her uniform. A surge of something ran through his veins and suddenly Alex was very far away from his thoughts. 

"Sure." He answered after a moment. "I could eat." 

Charlotte returned the suggestive remark with one of her own. "I'm sure you could." 

For the second time today, Vin Tanner wondered what the hell he was doing. 

He had gone to Charlotte Richmond’s quarters, gone through the motions of pretending they wanted to share a meal together when their needs were far more basic than a hunger for food. Now he was in her arms, kissing her, touching her the way he would be touching a lover. He could smell the heavy scent of her desire in his lungs and the silk of her skin against his palms as he caressed her exposed flesh. He could hear her moaning somewhere in the back of his mind as he continued to kiss her and though the feeling of her lips against his own was somewhat satisfying, yet it somehow did not feel right. For seconds as she continued to draw him into her passionate embrace, stoking the fires of his own rising needs, Vin tried to understand what about it felt wrong.

Physically, he was responding to her. Everything about this was as it had been described to him by Buck and so many others who felt sorry for him because he never fully understood what physical pleasure was. Now as he experienced it for himself, he found that something was missing. He had no idea how he had come to be in this position and still puzzled over the emotions that carried him to this intimate place within Lieutenant Richmond’s quarters. He barely knew the woman and what little contact he had with her prior to this heated tryst, was hardly conducive to the passion they were sharing together. He had always imagined this moment transpiring differently and suddenly, like a man rising from a fog, he understood why. 

She was not Alex. 

The realization was so acute, it almost had a physical impact upon his person. Without thinking twice, he pushed himself out of her arms, felt her hand tear away from where she had been making circles on his bare back with her palms. When he blinked and the desire for her faded, he found she was staring at him in dismay, urging him to come back to her with soft whispers and promises of delights beyond his ability to imagine. However, the craving for her had well and truly passed. It was barely even a need for her, Vin thought frantically as he searched for his blazer among the jumble of clothes on the floor. It had been a need for a body. 

"What’s the matter?" Charlotte asked breathlessly as she looked at him with eyes full of urgent need. 

"Nothing." He said quickly, turning away from her bare torso because he suddenly felt embarrassed by this whole situation. Even though his innards were still shuddering from the sensation of running his hands against her supple form, exploring her as he had always wanted to touch a woman, the brief feeling of pleasure was fading. Instead, he felt overwhelmed by shame. He couldn't even meet Charlotte's desperate gaze. "This was a mistake." He muttered staggering for the door, clutching his turtleneck in his hands. His blazer flapped open, revealing his smooth chest beneath. 

"No, it wasn't," Charlotte caught up with him, her hands snaking past his neck, wanting nothing more than to have him stay. How could she not? When he kissed her, she thought she might die and those sensitive fingers moved over her body like he was feeling it for the first time. She had never been so aroused or had greater need of any man in her life. "It was wonderful. Stay." She coaxed, her mouth raining kisses on his bare neck. "You won't regret it." 

"I already do," he pulled away easily when he had five times her strength. Vin pushed the door panel and almost fell past them when they slid open, leaving his would-be lover bewildered and disappointed. 

Vin staggered out of her quarters, hardly daring to look behind him as he stepped out into the corridor beyond her room. For a minute, he kept walking straight ahead, unaware of where he was going, only wracked with this terrible feeling of guilt that he had done something unforgivable. What in the hell was happening to him? What had possessed him to do what he had just done? Despite his emotional dilemma, Vin knew there had been a moment when he had wanted nothing else but to satisfy all his curiosities regarding the female gender. He had been swept away by a surge of lust so great, he had no idea what he was doing until he snapped out of his stupor when he was half-naked on top of Charlotte Richmond.  

Is this what scared Alex so much when they had been in that turbo lift, that he might have been swept away by his needs for her so uncontrollably, he could actually be as brutal as the men who had raped and tortured her in that Cardassian prison? 

"Vin?" He heard a familiar voice call his name in astonishment. 

Vin looked up and found the normally unreadable Ezra Standish staring at him with open surprise.  

"Ezra." Vin swallowed with no idea how to explain himself. 

Ezra's eyes studied him closely for no more than a fraction of a second before the security officer stated firmly. "My quarters are just ahead. I think we should retire there for the duration." 

In truth, that was a very good idea. It was actually quite possible Vin Tanner was rather distraught at this point in time. He was confused, and he felt as if he was occupying a slightly lower notch on the ecological chain then the Denebian slime devil.

"Okay." 

Ezra's quarters thankfully were not far from where he had encountered the security officer. As always, Vin admired Ezra's ability to keep the place in such immaculate condition. The man's taste in furnishings always made Vin wonder if Ezra's roots were not a little Texan himself. The main theme of the decor was set somewhere in the late 19th century of the American West.  Vin was reminded of the ranch where he had spent his years on Earth after being rescued from that world on the Rim.  

"Take a seat," Ezra said graciously as he went to the replicator and instructed the computer to provide them with a cup of coffee for himself and hot chocolate, which was Vin's beverage of choice. Vin was slipping off his blazer to put on his grey turtleneck when suddenly, he felt something soft and warm rub past his leg. 

"You have a kitten," Vin remarked looking at the big round eyes staring at him through a ball of fur. He never thought Ezra as a cat person. 

"Yes," Ezra frowned looking at the creature. "Mr. Tanner, allow me to introduce you to Huxley."  

"Huxley?" Vin stared at him. "That's a weird name for a cat." 

"Trust me," Ezra stiffened. "It was better than what Julia wanted to name her." He declared as he handed Vin the cup of hot chocolate that immediately announced its pleasing aroma in Vin's nostrils. "She wanted to name it Fluffy." 

"I think Huxley's a good choice," Vin said with a completely straight face. "Why did you get a cat? Didn't think you were much of an animal lover." 

"I am not," Ezra smoldered as he sat down on the chair across Vin. "But apparently before Julia and I take the all-important step of sharing the same residence, she believes it is necessary we own an animal to improve our ability to mutually cooperate prior to that momentous occasion." He said with more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice. 

"Okay." Vin shook his head, not understanding but not really in the mood to pursue the subject. Instead, he took a sip of his hot chocolate and went quiet for a moment. 

"So," Ezra eased back into his chair and finally remarked. "Are you going to leave me in suspense or are you going to require to make a wild guess as to why you were in a state of partial undress in the middle of the corridor."

Vin stiffened and shot him a dark look. "I don't want to talk about it." 

"That is, of course, your prerogative," the security chief said smoothly as he reached over and picked up a deck of cards on the table in front of him and began shuffling it. "However, I am under the impression you might need to." 

"I don't know what's happening to me." Vin burst out suddenly. He had not even considered taking Ezra up on his offer until he opened his mouth and the words came without any discussion with his feelings on the matter. "I almost hurt Alex today." He whispered and met Ezra's gaze. As always, the southerner let no one in on what he was thinking which only made Vin all the more anxious.

"Hurt her? How?" Ezra asked. There was no indication of alarm or accusation in his voice. He asked his question the way he might question a witness to the event, not the actual participant. 

"I was so angry by the idea she might still care for this fiancé of hers that I grabbed her and then I wouldn't let her go." Vin's eyes seemed to look past Ezra as if he was replaying the events in his mind and offering a running commentary. "I held her tight and it felt good feeling her against me. I didn't want anything else but to feel her there, where she was mine." 

"How did she take that?" Ezra inquired, even though he already knew the answer. Ezra knew Alexandra Styles well enough to know such an action would not be received well and the lady had quite the temper. 

"She was afraid of me!" Vin exclaimed as if it were the most awful thing in the world. 

Ezra sensed that for him, it might well be. No one was blind to the relationship between the two even though it was platonic. The seven men who made up the senior staff of the Maverick had a special relationship of their own. Each were mavericks in their own way and it seemed only natural they formed some kind of cohesion on a ship named after themselves. The women in their lives who worked at their side and who loved them, in turn, were of a different caliber themselves. He knew Julia in her way was unique, just as Mary had to be extraordinary to capture Chris Larabee's heart but Alex, Alex was always something different. Of the women, she was the strongest, the most resilient and the loneliest. Alex could be in a room full of people and still be alone.  

In that way, she and Vin had a great deal in common. 

"She was more likely afraid of something else you might have reminded her off, but I doubt she was afraid of you," Ezra responded, seeing the genuine dismay in Vin's eyes and knowing that he did not like it one damn bit.

"I never want to see that look in her eyes again. I couldn't stand it." 

"Perhaps you ought to see Doctor Jackson," Ezra suggested. "Your behavior is not normally so aggressive. It may be a simple case of bad health."  

"It gets worse." Vin volunteered nearly mortified. 

Ezra somewhat imagined it would, judging by the fact the helmsman was minus his blazer and smelt distinctly of perfume that was not Alex's scent.  

"You do not have to tell me Vin," Ezra offered. "If it bothers you that much." 

"It does," Vin admitted but he did need to talk to someone. He could not make any sense of his behavior and perhaps, Ezra who had more experience with these things might be able to. In any case, it felt good to talk to someone who would just listen and not worry about how his behavior might affect his duty, their friendship, his state of health or his mental well-being. "But I need to. Ezra, I was with Lieutenant Richmond." 

Ezra's brow crooked upward. "When you mean with, are talking about with, in the biblical sense?" 

"No, I didn't have sex with her." The Vulcan snapped. "I wanted to though. I got to what Buck calls second base." 

"Ah yes," Ezra shook his head in distaste at the term employed by their first officer. "I forgot what a poet the man can be but do go on."

"I was just walking along, trying to figure things out and there she was. Suddenly I just wanted her. I don't even know why. Hell, I don't think I even like her, she was just..." 

"There?" Ezra ventured a guess. 

"Yeah," Vin nodded. "I went to her and I started talking to her and I barely know what I said but she invited me back to her quarters for dinner." The expression on the Vulcan's face was so mystified that Ezra had a feeling that Vin was still rather astonished by his encounter with Lieutenant Richmond.  

"I was all over her and I liked it, Ezra. I mean she let me touch her and I didn't mind doing it. It felt good." 

"Well, you have nothing to be ashamed of," Ezra said quickly. "It seems you are finally experiencing what it feels like to fully appreciate a woman." 

"That may be, but I don't think every man just sees a woman and decides he wants her," Vin grumbled. 

"Then Buck Wilmington must be an aberration." Ezra retorted until he saw Vin frowning and added further. "As disturbing as you might find it, these feelings are new to you and perhaps they caught you a little unaware. For the rest of us, it is easy, we have a great deal of time to become accustomed to the awakening inside of us. It is different for Vulcans and for you who have been displaced from your race, it is doubly hard. You have no reason to be ashamed of anything you might have done. I know the situation between you and Alex is somewhat grey, but you need to talk to her, you need to explain."

"I can't face her," Vin muttered dropping his gaze. "I can't face her after what happened with Charlotte." 

"Vin," Ezra took a deep breath and did not want to add to the Vulcan's worries but he would not consider himself a good friend if he did not speak up. "This may be a ship with one thousand people in it but rumor travels faster than wildfire. Trust me when I say to you that it would be better if Alex heard it from you than have news of your tryst with Charlotte Richmond reaching her ears by any other means." 

Vin slumped into the chair and groaned loudly. "Hell, can this get any worse?"  

"Sure, it can," Ezra looked at the kitten that was presently sharpening her claws on his sofa and narrowed his eyes in dislike. "She can forgive you and make you buy her a cat." 

******

Although his talk with Ezra did make Vin feel somewhat better. He was still furious at himself for turning to another woman. He did not even like Charlotte and the more he thought of it, the more he felt his rage bubble. Vin did not know what was happening to him and felt as if he was jumping out of his skin. The need to react was almost overwhelming and his thoughts became a random jumble of conflict as he strode towards his quarters. He thought about Charlotte and how much trouble a few minutes of pleasure was going to cost him. It was not fair! He wanted Alex and Alex was afraid of him! 

She was not afraid of him when she invited him into her bed, he thought angrily. 

Where was her fear when she wanted him to hold her in his arms and take the nightly terrors away? He started to feel the fury build up inside of him and it was increasing at an almost juggernaut pace the more he thought about her. She had wanted to make love to him once. He remembered her lips against his and how she had run her fingers through his hair as her tongue slipped past his teeth. He could not remember how it felt but just thinking about it sent more shivers of desire through him. He thought about Charlotte and remembered how she had whimpered under his touch. She had begged him to stay. If he wanted to, he could go back there and finish what they had started.  

Except she was not Alex and it was Alex he wanted. 

He wanted to know if Alex would make the same breathless sighs when he caressed her skin and kneaded her flesh under his palms. Would she beg him to stay as Charlotte had begged him? He wanted to see her beg. He wanted it so much. It took a few seconds for Vin to realize that his escalating emotions had one common theme; he wanted only Alex. He could not have her! He could not go to her and see that look in her eyes that the very idea of touching him when he wanted her so badly, was probably repulsive!  

Stop this!

The human part of his brain shouted at him.  

Stop this before you get out of hand, pard.  

Vin paused in mid-step and took a deep breath, trying to quell the furious emotions running through him and knew if he did not do something soon, he would not only hurt Alex but anyone who happened along his way. What was happening to him? In all his life he had never felt this out of control! Right now, it was taking all his powers of restraint not to seek Alex out so that he could show her there was nothing to be afraid of, just as he showed Charlotte he was very capable of being a man. Maybe if he could just hold her down and show her... 

Jesus did you just hear yourself! Hold her down? Like a Cardassian? 

Vin fairly screamed in rage and slammed his fist into the nearby wall. By rights, he ought to have broken every bone in his hand but to his surprise, there was no such injury and the place where he had impacted his knuckles had dented in. The talk with Ezra was light years away and Vin was shaking when he tried to compose himself. Taking a deep breath, he remembered some of the lessons Mary had taught him about maintaining his control. Mary, his mind flared with inspiration. He would go see Mary! She would know better than anyone what was happening to him. However, Vin found himself recoiling from that idea as soon as it crossed his mind.  

He could not go to Mary. She was a woman and right now, women were having way too much effect on him. If he were to hurt her in any way, he would not only have to live with the shame of what he had done to her but also lose the best friend he ever had in his life. Chris Larabee. Vin knew the captain would never forgive him for the insult to the woman he loved. So now he found himself at another impasse and the obstruction just made him angrier. Vin tried to think of what to do and finally struck upon the only course left to him. 

The holodeck was thankfully empty when he stepped into its confines, not that it would have mattered if it were not. He would have thrown anyone who was using it in his present state. Vin stepped in the middle of the empty room and spoke out loud to the computer intelligence to produce the program he needed. 

"Computer," Vin spoke in a low voice. "Activate restricted Tanner Combat Program 1."  

Vin had created the program shortly after their return from Fiorina 361 and had been using it of late though he told no one of its existence. He was certain they would not understand and in truth, he was not inclined to explain himself.  

"Restricted Tanner Combat Program activated." 

Suddenly, appearing around him was a Stygian world inside the alien nest where he, Chris and Ezra had been forced to traverse in order to rescue Alex. The computer's recreation of the hellish place was almost perfect, and Vin nearly forgot he was inside a program and not the real thing. He stared at the corpses littering the grimy floor, the cavernous chambers and the dark silhouettes becoming even more menacing with the thin layer of mist floating past them. He removed his blazer and his turtleneck as the temperature became hot and humid, just like it was inside the real thing. Beads of sweat immediately ran down his bare torso. 

"Computer," Vin said softly. "Bath'let." 

The bath' let materialized on the ground next to him and Vin lowered himself to pick it up. He could hear them approaching, could detect the wet slithery sounds they made as they converged upon him in numbers. Vin let the rage take over, feeling it surge through his veins and allowed it to suffuse him with more raw power than he could ever imagine he was capable of feeling. The awareness of the coming battle made his fingers tingle and his throat dry with anticipation. He closed his eyes and opened his mind, hoping to feel the creatures but knowing he could not because they were not real, they were merely manipulation and light and magnetic containment. However, he did remember how it felt when he had been inside their hive minds and that memory sustained the frenzied blood lust reaching apogee inside of him. He had constructed the program removing the alien's deadly acid blood from its matrix, to make their battles a little more even. He knew it was cheating but the creatures were formidable even if they did not bleed. 

The first alien lunged at him and Vin swung the bath'let at its streaking black form, slamming the sharp curve of the blade past the jaw of its elongated head. The alien did not even have time to scream as its jaw detached from the rest of its body. It died before even touching the ground and a flurry of shape behind him had Vin swing again, this time hacking the creature in mid-thorax. Flaying arms and tentacles flew at him from another darkened corner and toppled him to the ground. Vin fought off gnashing teeth and scratching claws, which had every ability to tear his flesh because he had created this program with the safety protocols disabled. Vin rolled on top of the alien and shoved the bath'let down on its thin neck, severing its head from the rest of its body. 

He leapt off the carcass and saw another alien coming at him and Vin did not waste any time, he swung the blade hard and fast, striking the alien down as brutally as he did the others and he was nowhere ready to stop. As he saw more and more of them coming at him, Vin Tanner could only smile and let the rage take over. He wanted to kill something. He needed to kill something, and he wanted to do it a lot. Better holographic images rather than something that had a soul to lose.  

Even though he was starting to think that his might be already gone.

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