When Alexandra Styles dreamed, it was always the same.

It replayed itself in her mind like a never-ending carousel, singing its familiar song with a perfect melody, reminding her with each note, the tortured clarity of the incident which burnt away everything she was in a six-month ordeal of pain and humiliation. Though she expunged the memory of what had happened to her from her conscious mind, burying it all in an abyss deep inside her, she knew it was not truly gone. The stink of it had seeped into her bones and left its mark upon her despite her best efforts to forget. She knew it changed her from what she was, into someone stronger, but the part destroyed forever, was deeply missed, even though she would admit it to nobody.

Six months of hell had pursued her for the past three years. It shared her bed, her thoughts and her soul like an unwanted lover. It's refusal to leave infuriated her and Alex knew much of it was her own fault. Pride prevented her from seeking help or telling anyone what had happened. For she knew if she did, the wall behind which she kept it all safely hidden would shatter and God help her then when that deluge of hurt was allowed to overwhelm her.

When she had grown up without a mother and her father played diplomat on Qo'noS, Alex found herself in the company of the Klingon housekeeper who embraced her like a daughter and taught her, being a woman was no excuse to be weak

Kellein as she was called, and she wore it with great pride for it was the name of Kahless's bride, taught Alex a woman could have a warrior's spirit too. Even after her father left Qo'noS and she grew to womanhood, Alex would find herself returning to the hearth of Kellein when she needed strength. After escaping that Cardassian hell, it was to Kellein she had run to. Unable to face her father because the shame was too much and too fresh, she fled to the arms of her Klingon mother, who dried her tears and told her the best revenge upon those who hurt her was to survive.

Alex managed that and more but sometimes, she just wished she could sleep without dreaming.

******

Alex woke up screaming.

For an instant after awakening so abruptly from her less than peaceful slumber, she had no idea where she was. Gripped by the intense need to hide, she scrambled out of bed, not completely awake, moving with amazing stealth to the darkest corner of the room. Once there, she pressed her back against the wall and hid in its shadows, hugging her knees against her chest, praying the sounds she heard were not their footsteps coming for her.

Not again! Please God, not again!

The play was one that repeated itself on several occasions since her arrival on the Maverick as its second officer. For several seconds she remained where she was, trembling in absolute terror until reason and recognition bled into her mind and she realized she was not inside the cell of a Cardassian prison, but rather in her quarters on board the Maverick. Alex would blink furiously, tears running down her cheeks, intermingling with the cold sweat plastering her underclothes to her limbs and see the walls disappear for more familiar surroundings. Slowly, the little bits and pieces reminding her this was her place, would reappear to offer her comfort she was safe.

Alex did what she always did whenever she woke up like this and that was to weep. She would cry loud ragged sobs of anger and frustration at her mind's refusal to let her forget until finally, there were no more tears left to shed. Exhaling loudly after purging herself of the pain, she would remind herself tears were futile. The violence was done. Only the memory remained, burned into her mind and branded unto her soul. There was no forgetting, just acceptance. Hardening her heart, she would dry her tears and send the horror back into the black pit inside herself, that only seemed to escape when her mind was in slumber.

Alex was done sleeping for the night. The clock on her night table told her it was still night, as far as it could be measured on a starship where there was no sunrise or sunset. Needing to get out of her room for a while, Alex washed her face and freshened up as best she could before slipping into a comfortable dark body suit. She needed to sleep despite her bad dreams. Alex had an early shift on the bridge the next morning and she was going to be in no condition for it unless she overcame her problem.

There was no one about when she emerged into the quiet corridor outside her quarters nor did she expect anyone to be. Most of the crew were in bed since the Maverick operated on a 24-hour cycle in order to keep the crew's Circadian rhythm in check. As far as the ship's chronometer was concerned, it was nighttime. Heading towards Sick Bay, she hoped Nathan was not on duty tonight because she did not relish the idea of explaining to him why she needed dream suppressants again. She knew he was itching to get her into seeing Josiah and Alex thought he had about as much chance of that as convincing her to take up belly dancing.

Making her way to Sick Bay, she ran through all the things she had planned the next day and realised the party was tomorrow night. In the interest of morale, Inez the bartender at Four Corners had convinced the Captain to allow her to throw a party at one of the holodecks, worst yet a costumed party. Of course, Inez made her case all the more attractive when she came up with the inspired choice of making the theme for the celebration a western one, perfectly aware Chris Larabee's favourite holodeck program was that ridiculous western tale about seven gunmen. If it were not for the fact Vin had asked her to go as his date, Alex would have been perfectly content to curl up in bed with a good book. Unfortunately, for reasons she did not wish to explore too deeply, she was incapable of refusing the Vulcan anything.

No matter, she'd make him pay for the indignity by completely kicking his butt in the holodeck.

Arriving at Sick Bay, Alex swore under her breath when she saw Nathan in attendance and wondered if the man ever slept. Why was it always him on duty when she came in at these hours? Before the thought even left her mind, Alex knew the answer. It was because she was in here a lot and eventually those periods coincided with his turn to be on night duty. Nathan was at his desk when she walked in and Alex prayed, she would not get too much flack about needing something to sleep again.

"Hello, Nathan." She greeted as she broke the silence of the room with her voice.

"Hello Alex," Nathan returned her greeting as he emerged from behind his desk where he had been catching up on the medical profiles, he had been accumulating for the crew this past week. The solitude and the quiet at this time of night allowed him to concentrate as there were seldom visits to the Sick Bay at such a late hour by the crew, with one notable exception.

He could tell by her cautious steps into the room, Alex was not happy to see him here tonight. Nathan supposed he could hardly blame her for her paranoia, aware of she was mindful of his reaction about her return, considering this was not the first time he had seen her come into Sick Bay at this hour of the night. The physician knew what she wanted of course and while he did not wish to pry into the private lives of any crewmen, particularly the third in command of the ship, his concern was starting to breach the boundaries of friendly concern into a professional consideration.

"Can’t sleep?" He asked automatically, sparing her the difficulty of asking.

She swallowed thickly and nodded. "Sleeping is not the problem. It’s the dreams."

Nathan who was aware of her medical history knew enough to know she had very good reasons for troubling dreams and did not probe too deeply into the cause. "It’s the brain's way of dealing with things you keep buried for too long."

"Things in my head are buried just fine," Alex replied, knowing Nathan wanted to help but it was an old argument and its power to sway her was waning each time it was brought up. "Can I please have the dream suppressants?" She was trying not to be rude but really needed to be out of here because any unwanted advice would only make her bark at him. Nathan was one of the kindest men she knew and as a physician, he had no peer. Unfortunately, his dedication to his patients made him somewhat insistent with his advice and if there was one thing Alex could not tolerate, was people meddling into her private affairs. No matter how well-intentioned.

Nathan frowned, knowing when his interest was not wanted, and perfectly aware Alex was not one to ask for personal advice and would not take kindly if he attempted to give but he could not allow the situation to continue the way it was. Dream suppressants were meant to be taken on occasion, not three or four times a week which was how often he saw Alex since she had come on board the Maverick. While the drug itself was not addictive, prolonged use of any chemical would have long-term effects on the body.

However, Nathan was not so much concerned about the physical effects of her dependence on dream suppressants to get a good night's sleep but rather her mental condition. The doctor in him reacted strongly to a person in pain and he could tell that she suffered greatly but refused to allow anyone to help her. The Captain was happy to let things stand to be just as aware as Nathan regarding what Cardassians did to their prisoners, to have some idea of what she must have endured as their captive. However, it was obvious her subconscious mind was playing havoc with her by her repeated nocturnal visits to Sick Bay.

"Look you're gonna tell me it’s none of my business," he started to say, deciding to hell with it. He was a doctor and when he saw a patient in obvious pain, he was going to speak his mind, whether or not his aid was wanted. "But you need to talk to someone about this. I can't keep giving you dream suppressants."

Alex knew this ultimatum had been coming for some time now, but she wasn't angry, not when the advice was given with such a sincere desire to help. Instead, a faint smile stole across her face and she did something that was most unusual for her. She reached for his cheek and said with a smile. "You're a wonderful doctor, you know."

"I'm still not changing my mind," Nathan replied after a moment, feeling a little surprised by the gesture. "You need help Alex. You need to talk to someone about this. Even if it's just to get it out there, instead of hiding it deep so you can forget about it. I'm not a Counselor but even I know the dreams are just the mind's way of saying it needs to talk, that not all things can remain buried forever."

He left her to ruminate on that for a moment as he went to find the pills, she would need to sleep without being plagued by nightmares. After a moment he found them and faced her again. Alex had not moved from where he left her and appeared deep in thought until he returned to her. He wondered if she was really considering his words and hoped he might have breached the stubbornness determined to see her endure her demons alone.

"Here." He handed her the small canister of pills. "You know the drill. Take one a night. I've given you a week's worth and that's all. After that, we're going to discuss this on a more formal level."

Alex took a deep breath and nodded in understanding. Deep inside her, she knew he was right. This could not continue. The dreams had followed her for the past three years and showed no signs of abating if anything they seemed to grow worse with the passage of time. Yet despite the fear plaguing her nights, Alex refused to concede defeat.

"I'm not ready." She whispered hoarsely and Nathan could see that admission had been extracted from her almost involuntarily. "I don't know if I'll ever be ready."

"You'll never know until you try." He persisted, feeling as if he made some headway.

"Then I guess I may never know." She said quickly and walked out of the room before anything else could be said on the subject.

Nathan let out a sigh and reminded himself it was time he had a talk with Josiah.

******

Chris Larabee could smell trouble. When he read the latest communication from Starfleet Command, earmarked for Captain's eyes only, he knew his nose was still as accurate as ever, even through the vacuum of space. After he read the contents of the Priority One message and absorbed the ramifications of its content, he considered them deeply in the confines of his Ready Room. As of yet, he was unprepared at the moment to bring those issues to the attention of the rest of his crew, save perhaps his first officer.

It was easy to forget that whilst they were stationed here on the edge of Federation space and days away from the nearest star base, the Alpha Quadrant was presently engaged in a battle for its survival. The enemy had the power to topple not just the Federation but also the Klingon and Romulan Empires as well. There were times when Chris wanted so much to be a part of the conflict, he could almost taste it. Just hearing about the losses being sustained and the friends dying with each battle, made him feel somewhat guilty he was safely stationed here so far from the fighting. Of course, he knew he was being foolish. Their presence at the Frontier played an important role in the war effort. The last thing the Federation needed while they battled foes from the Gamma Quadrant was to be caught unawares when the Borg decided to come calling.

Faced with the Collective, the Dominion seemed rather tame.

However, there was still plenty to fear from the Dominion. Only a fool would consider them any less dangerous than the Borg. The Dominion threat to the Alpha Quadrant had emerged with the discovery of a wormhole in Bajoran space. For centuries, what the Bajorans had considered the Celestial Temple of Prophets, the basis of all their spiritual beliefs, was, in fact, the first stable wormhole in the Alpha Quadrant. It made the journey to the distant Gamma Quadrant, a matter of minutes, instead of eighty years. At the time, Starfleet had established a Federation presence in a former Cardassian space station left behind when during the occupation of Bajor.

From Deep Space Nine, the Federation began exploring the Gamma Quadrant with no idea there were dangers on the other side of the wormhole that should have made them exercise caution. The Dominion, whose masters were shapeshifters capable of infiltrating the new territories easily, launched the Alpha Quadrant into the largest military engagement of its history. Even with the combined strength of the Federation, the Klingon and Romulan Empires, the Dominion held fast and firm.

They were aided by the Cardassians and the Breen, not to mention their formidable warrior caste called the Jem’Hadar, soldiers bred for war and whose thirst for it was enhanced by a narcotic known as Ketracel White. Without Ketracel White, the Jem’Hadar would die and as of yet, the ingredient required to synthesize the White in the Alpha Quadrant were almost nonexistent. It was the greatest advantage the Allied forces had over the enemy, since the collapse of the wormhole leading back to the Gamma Quadrant, prevented them from replenishing their supplies.

The document Chris just received from Starfleet Command could change all that. The frontier the Maverick now patrolled was the furthest point from where the war was raging. However, if what he was reading was accurate, it was very possible a Dominion invasion fleet was on its way.

Chris had sent for Buck earlier, uncertain of whether or not he should bring this information to the rest of the ship just yet. His orders required him to return to Deep Space Five immediately to deal with the delicate situation he and his ship would soon be embroiled in. With the war effort raging as it had been, with loses on both sides considerably, Chris knew he was on his own. How he handled the crisis brewing would mean the difference between the survival of the Alpha Quadrant and everything they knew.

Buck Wilmington entered his captain's inner sanctum and knew immediately something was up. Chris’s s expression did not change as his first officer walked in and Buck had known him long enough to understand that something ominous was on the horizon. Chris glanced his way and gestured with a slight nod for Buck to sit down, while still staring at the data pad in his hand. The captain was eased into his chair, ruminating quietly on thoughts Buck was not privy to but could feel most potently with the intensity in his darkening eyes.

"Chris?" Buck asked gingerly as he eased himself into the chair across the captain's desk, knowing if he were going to get really bad news, he would rather be comfortable hearing it.

"I just got a Priority One communication from Starfleet Command," Chris announced, aware this would not be of any surprise to Buck since he was on the bridge with Chris when JD had first made them aware of the incoming transmission. It had sparked everyone's interest because it was for the Captain's eyes only and though protocol kept Buck from asking until Chris chose at his discretion to reveal the truth, he knew that eventually, the captain would bring him into his confidence.

"Bad?" Buck asked, wanting to know sooner rather than later.

"Yeah." Chris nodded slowly. "A Cardassian defector claims that the Dominion believes that there is a planet out there that produces tri-nucleic fungus."

"Jesus Christ," Buck exclaimed, just as aware as Chris of what the implications of this could mean. "Where?"

"That part they aren't sure of." Chris retorted tossing the data pad on his desk, annoyed that they did not have the most vital part of the puzzle. "The defector claims that it is out here and that the Dominion may be intending an invasion of this area to take the planet and control of the tri-nucleic fungus."

"The White is the one thing that's holding them back," Buck declared. "If they get an unlimited supply of tri-nucleic fungus to make it..."

"You don't have to tell me," Chris said with a deep breath. "If they get a supply, they can grow as many Jem’Hadar troops as they need and overwhelm the Alpha Quadrant by sheer numbers. We're barely holding our own as it is. A boost like this could finish us. We won't have to worry about the Borg."

"Aw hell," Buck swore under his breath and could appreciate why Chris was so worried. "So, what are our orders?"

"Starfleet wants us at Deep Space 5 immediately." He replied pushing the data pad at Buck and offering a slight nod of consent that the first officer could examine the orders for himself if he liked. "We are to pick up this Cardassian and find the planet before the Jem’Hadar. Once we find it, we are to secure it until more ships arrive to take our place. They'll set up a planetary defence shield and keep starships on permanent guard duty around the system."

"That still won't stop the Dominion from coming." Buck pointed out.

"Well, Starfleet is hoping the offensive that Captain Sisko of DS9 is planning will keep them busy for a while. With the Romulans on board and the Tholians offering military support, we might be able to push them back towards Cardassian space. The plan is to force them back into Cardassian territory and keep them pinned there until they surrender. With the wormhole closed, they're not getting reinforcements any time soon."

"That's going to be messy," Buck replied, just as aware of the dangers as Chris. "They could stay in Cardassian space and burrow in, we could be facing a war that last years."

"We're already facing that," Chris pointed out. "This will just confine it to one place. They've taken Betazed already and they're going to be going after Vulcan soon, Sisko wants a line drawn."

"So now we're defending this part of space from the Dominion as well as the Borg?" The first officer let out a heavy sigh of worry. "Damn Chris," he gave his old friend a look. "How did it ever get this bad?"

"I don't know," Chris shrugged. "But I want to keep this under our hats for today. Let the crew enjoy the party tonight and tomorrow, we'll hold a general staff meeting and tell them."

"It might be an idea to encourage as many civilians as we can to disembark at Deep Space Five," Buck suggested. "If we run into a Jem’Hadar fleet, it might end up saving some lives."

"I agree," Chris nodded, involuntarily thinking about Mary and Billy, even though he knew there was no way he would be able to get the protocol officer to leave the ship. However, he intended to his level best to persuade her otherwise, nonetheless.

"So, any word on this Cardassian?" Buck asked.

"Yeah," Chris replied and Buck noticed the frown on Chris’s s face deepening. "He's supposed to be a former Gul or something. He was one of those who didn't hold with the idea of Cardassia joining the war on the Dominion's side and apparently got shuffled to some dead-end job. He got wind of this through some papers that crossed his desk accidentally and that's how he found out about this planet."

"Cardassian huh?" Buck understood Chris’s s frown now. "Great."

Chris could not disagree with Buck on that less than optimistic view of their coming visitor.

The Cardassians as a race were a slippery bunch who tended to be disliked by most of the other major races that came across them. During the Border Wars with the Federation, the Cardassians had ignored all the rules of engagement and attacked civilian targets, killing whole families without impunity. The Klingons considered them to be without honour and the Romulans found their methods to be somewhat sloppy in comparison to their own ruthless efficiency. Chris had no particular dislike for the race but found it extremely uncomfortable he had to rely on the word of a supposed defector to keep his ship safe.

When it came to the Maverick, everyone was suspect.

"Well, I better assign Alex somewhere else for a few days," Buck remarked offhandedly.

"She's a professional," Chris said firmly, confident that despite her previous experience with Cardassians, Alex would comport herself properly. "Antimatter wouldn't explode if Alex decided that was how it was going to be. She'll have no trouble putting up with one paper shuffler."

"You think so?" The first officer's doubt was clear. "We're talking about a paper shuffler who used to be a Cardassian Gul."

"I'll talk to her." Chris offered; certain it was not a necessary precaution. Alexandra Styles was one of the finest officers he had ever served with and though she was somewhat infuriating at times, she was completely capable of handling herself in all situations, Chris had no doubt this would be no different.

"No," Buck spoke up, knowing how tactful Chris could be about such things and decided he better do it himself if he wanted this done right. "I'll do it. I already piss her off."

"Oh, you do love the tough ones." Chris taunted with a little bit of the devil and then added a little something more, just to infuriate Buck. "So, how're things with Inez? Get anywhere with her yet?"

"With all due respect captain," Buck said with as much dignity as he could muster.

"Yeah Buck?" the Captain grinned wickedly.

"Go sit on a torpedo."

What was it about Vin Tanner that could reduce her to this?

Alex looked in the mirror and frowned, not liking one bit the reflection staring back at her. How on Earth did women of the period go around dressed like this? Alex had been wearing the gown fashioned specifically for the women of the late1800's for little more than twenty minutes and could not imagine wearing a costume like this all the time. Despite the sweeping skirt that flounced each time she moved; the outfit was extremely restrictive. It clung too tightly around the bodice emphasizing her figure more than she would like and what it did for her bust line was another thing entirely. Alex looked down and saw her cleavage was being extremely prolific and felt very uncomfortable going out like this.

According to the records, the women of the time wore their hair up and so a quick trip to the ship's salon, (amazingly enough Galaxy-class starships had one), had seen her dark hair piled on top of her head with loose strands resting gently over her exposed neck. Alex supposed she looked as if she would fit in with the theme of the party in the royal blue dress and prayed nothing would happen during the celebration to require her on the bridge in this costume. Adding the finishing touches to her look, she dabbed a bit of that expensive perfume she picked up during their last visit to a star base when she heard someone at her door.

The chime rang softly as usual and Alex swore under her breath when she turned away from the mirror and almost tripped on the long skirt, forgetting for a second what she was wearing and had made a mental note to remember how to walk in this thing. Reaching the door, she knew who was behind it and note as always, he was terribly punctual. Even though humans raised Vin, there were some things about him that were inherently Vulcan. He kept time better than no man she knew.

The doors slid open and his eyes widened when he caught sight of her.

For a minute, Vin Tanner said nothing and simply stared because he had never seen Alex so.... he struggled for the right word, so female. Of course, he knew she was a woman but until this moment, he never realized how much. Everything about her was different and the exposure of her neck normally concealed behind the high collars of Starfleet issue uniforms tantalized his eyes as he followed its length down to the full breasts, partly revealed within the tight dress she was wearing. He was almost fascinated enough to reach down and touched them if he did not know for certain she would knock his teeth out of his head.

Alex noticed his reaction. It was rather difficult not too and rolled her eyes. "And today you are a man." She said sarcastically before smacking him on the side of his arm. "Hey, my face is up here?"

Vin looked up and went red involuntarily. "I'm sorry." He stuttered. "I've just never seen you look so much like a girl."

Alex gave him a look and shook her head. "Please stop it, I can't take much more of this smooth flattery."

Vin cleared his throat and could not help himself from continuing to stare at her, even though he tried to do it more discreetly this time. "You look nice." He managed to say as she stepped out of her quarters and they made their way to the holodeck, where the party was taking place.

"Thank you," she smiled warmly as that was a more preferable response than his initial reaction. For his part, Vin looked very much like the part he was meant to play as one of the seven gunmen in Buck's Magnificent Seven holodeck program. Dressed in a buckskin jacket that utterly suited him, he seemed comfortable because he was able to hide in it. Despite herself, she thought he looked ruggedly handsome and then let out a sigh because despite his fascination with her form earlier, he was hardly in the position to do anything about it. In truth, knowing Vin was a sexually immature Vulcan was very liberating because she did not have to worry about his constantly trying to hit on her like Buck Wilmington.

They were friends and it was just the way Alex liked it.

******

The party was in full swing by the time the Captain arrived.

As Captain, he always seemed to capture everyone's attention when he walked into a room but today it was different because he played the part of the imposing Man in Black. Chris was pleased to see the crew was enjoying themselves as he moved deeper into the holodeck recreation of the tavern Inez selected to hold the celebration. There was a four-piece band playing in one corner of the room, filling the air with its quaint but top tapping rhythm that actually inspired some people to try their hand or feet at the dances fashionable for the time.

"Hey that looks fun." Mary remarked as she breezed into the room at his arm. Fortunately, this no longer raised eyebrows as it once had among the crew, as they were accustomed to the way things stood between the captain and the protocol officer. He could not blame them for looking though. Mary was wearing a simple lavender colored dress with her long hair worn around her shoulders, styled only by an ornate pearl hair clip that held some locks in place and by Chris’s s reckoning, she had never looked lovelier. If she really had existed back in the Old West, Chris had no doubt he would be fighting gun battles with would be suitors for her hand all the time.

Fortunately, in the present, he could just have them transferred or ejected out the nearest torpedo bay, whatever was most convenient.

Mary was staring in the direction of Julia and Ezra who were dancing and even though the pace of the song was fast, the duo was moving together slowly, gazing into each other's eyes with obvious affection. Between his cynical and sardonic manner, and her bright and optimistic attitude to everything, they were an interesting couple. They spent most of their time together bickering but everyone on the ship knew their relationship burned fiercer than the warp core.

"You would put me through that?" Chris looked at her with a smile.

"If I can get into this outfit for you," Mary glanced down at her dress that though appeared to be very becoming, was rather cumbersome. "I think you can indulge me in a dance."

"I thought Vulcan wives were supposed to be compliant and obedient." He remarked with a brow raised and a hint of mischief.

"Well, I've been slumming lately."

"Okay," he conceded defeat. "One dance. Just let me talk to Buck first." Chris replied glancing in the direction of the bar where the first officer of the Maverick was continuing his quest for the Holy Grail called Inez.

Mary understood the look in his eye enough to know that whatever he intended discussing with Buck was not related to the party but rather ship's business. "Sure," she offered him one of those killer smiles with the power to melt his heart in one flash of radiance. "I have to go see William's schoolteacher anyway.  I think I saw her when we were coming in."

"The new one?" Chris asked.

"Yes," Mary nodded as she began to pull away from him. "Audrey."

"I'll be at the bar," he called out to her and strode towards the counter in a matter of seconds, greeting other crew men on the way and took special note of where JD and Casey were. The ensign was at a table in a forgotten corner of the room with his yeoman, mooning over each other the way young couples their age tended to do. Chris suddenly felt a protective surge of paternal concern making him want to go over there and remind JD, unless he did not want to spend the next year cleaning the EPS conduits in the Waste Recycling system of the ship, he had better treat Casey right.

"Come on Inez," Buck was pleading as Chris arrived at the bar. "Just have one date with me."

"Buck," Inez frowned, deciding she would just have to come out and say this since she could think of no other way to put the first officer of the Maverick straight about her feelings regarding dating him in any shape of form. "I am in a relationship already."

Buck's expression was nothing less than crestfallen and Chris was shocked to realize the visage on his old friend's face was not one customary to being rejected but rather that of genuine disappointment. With a sudden start, Chris realised there was more to his affection for Inez Recillos than his usual attitude of bedding everything that moved. Buck really liked this woman.

"Is he on the ship?" Buck asked, trying to sound as if he did not just have his heart ripped out of his chest.

"No," Inez shook her head. "He's the Captain of the Venture."

Both men blinked. "You mean Raphael Castille?"

"You know him?" Inez looked at them both with surprise.

"Yeah," Chris nodded. "I know him. We were at the Academy together." He could not imagine what a small world it was even if there were so much space outside this ship. "He's a good man."

The Venture was an Intrepid class starship made solely for the purpose for combat duty. She was a highly maneuverable craft with quantum torpedo ports and had spent the duration of Dominion War on the front lines of the battle. If Inez was engaged in a relationship with Captain Castile, Chris could very well understand why Castille would rather she be stationed on a ship like the Maverick, far removed from the battle and the danger he must be facing on a daily basis on the Dominion front lines.

"Well it’s a long-distance relationship," Buck declared with a grin, never one to give up no matter how untenable the situation might appear at first glance. "It can't last."

Inez met Chris’s s gaze and rolled her eyes in resignation. "What can I get you Captain?" She asked instead, deciding she would just ignore this conversation or else her head would start to hurt and as the bartender of the evening for this little soiree, that simply would not do.

"Whiskey, neat." Chris replied with a smile, offering her the silent agreement she was probably right about terminating the conversation with Buck, although Chris had every intention of finding out just how deep his oldest friend's feelings about the woman went once, they were alone.

"Be careful there Captain," Buck warned as he took a sip of what he was drinking. "Miss Inez is not serving synthehol but the genuine product."

"Even better," Chris grinned, not having much liking for synthehol produced whiskey. It just did not have the same edge to it.

As Inez went to fill his order, Chris sidled up next to Buck and took the stool next to his first officer before they got down to discussing a subject that was not entirely related to the social event taking place around them. "I just got word back from Starfleet Command," Chris lowered his voice and Buck instinctively closer to hear what he was saying. "Apparently, a Romulan warbird was captured by the Dominion a month ago. The crew was taken off the ship alive and have since been returned on the basis of a prisoner exchange, but the warbird is still in Dominion hands."

"What does that mean?" Buck asked nervously, even though he had a very good idea what the Dominion might want with a warbird.

"It means they might have taken it apart to discover how to build a cloak around their ships. If that's the case and in the time frame we're talking about, we could have a handful of cloaked ships leading the invasion of the system that may have the White ingredient."

Both men stopped talking as Inez returned and the bar tender looked at them long enough to know whatever was being discussed did not require her presence. She withdrew quickly, allowing them to resume their conversation.

"Hell Chris," Buck whispered. "They could sneak a fleet through Federation space without anyone being the wiser."

"I know," Chris nodded ruefully. "That's why I'm allowing this little get together," he swept his gaze over the faces in the room enjoying themselves, laughing and dancing, with no idea of what was coming at them at warp speed with the arrival of the new day. "Let them have some fun because tomorrow, we go on full tactical alert."

"Good idea." Buck agreed with the Captain's reasoning and agreed the crew should have one evening to blow off some steam because being at full tactical alert tended to run people ragged, even the civilians on board. He had a feeling that everyone was going to feel the pressure of a Dominion presence once the news got out about the White. Deciding that a change of subject might be in order since captain and first officer needed some down time as well before they faced the challenges of the next few days, Buck looked around and saw Mary talking to the new schoolteacher, Audrey King.

"Mary looks great." Buck commented and immediately saw a surge of affection in Chris’s s gaze when the captain glimpsed her way. No one was happier than Buck at the budding romance that was forming between the Captain and the protocol officer. Although the relationship saw them closer than friends, Buck was certain it had not progressed beyond the mutual affection they had for each other. Buck did not voice it, but Mary Travis was a great deal like Sarah, Chris’s s deceased wife. Sarah had been strong willed and unafraid to stand up to Chris and Buck had a feeling it was this Chris was so drawn to upon first meeting Mary, following his initial attraction to how stunning she looked.

"Yeah," Chris said with a smile and then saw Buck keeping his eyes on the lady in question much longer than he liked. "Hey, look somewhere else."

"Oh, what do you take me for?" Buck glared at him with a wounded expression. "I am just as familiar as the term 'no fly zone' as you."

"It’s not like that," Chris bristled, hating it implied he had some claim on Mary even though he knew deep down that it was more than a little true. Half the reason why they came to events like this together and why Chris allowed it was mostly because he did not want anyone else paying attention to Mary if they knew the Captain was interested.

"I'm sure it isn't." Buck answered with a perfectly straight face.

Chris cast his most scathing glare at Buck and became even more chagrined when it had absolutely no effect on the first officer. Buck instead, burst into this inane grin that used to annoy the hell out of Chris when they were cadets at the Academy and had not changed one wit throughout the years of their friendship. "Where's Vin?" Chris asked in an effort to change the subject before he was forced to wipe that smirk off Buck's face. "He is coming right?"

Chris knew how reclusive Vin could be and even though he had developed a deep friendship with all the members of the senior staff, large crowds tended to keep him in the shadows. While Vin might enjoy the Magnificent Seven program like the rest of them, Chris feared the large numbers present in the holodeck for such a wholly social occasion might drive the helmsman to ground. Chris just hoped Vin understood if he did not show himself this evening, his Captain might just be determined enough to drag him here by his pointed Vulcan ears.

"He's probably picking Alex up." Buck remarked, his attention scanning the room for potential candidates with whom he could share his evening, since it did not appear as if he would be charming Inez any time soon.

"Picking her up?" Chris raised a brow at his first officer. "As in a date?"

"I don't think a date as such," Buck quickly clarified his words for Chris. "You know Vin. He wouldn't have any idea what date is let alone go on one. He's still a kid by Vulcan standards which is probably the reason why he gets on well with Alex. She knows he's too young to hit on her."

"Not exactly," Chris pointed out. "We're not sure how old he is. By human standards, he's a little older than Alex and we're not entirely sure how he is by Vulcan standards, except that he's younger than most. It's his manner that makes us think he's a kid."

"You're probably right," Buck shrugged. "Pity though, that's a fine woman going to waste."

"I'd give it up if I were you." The captain said with a smile. "You have a better chance turning lead into gold with your bare hands than you do with Alex."

What Chris did not want to admit was that he liked seeing Alex and Vin together. They were both so wounded in their own way and yet together, they offered each other something neither had been able to find elsewhere. Even if the relationship was not sexual, Chris had enough feeling for his best friend to know Vin cared a great deal for Alex, he just did not know how to express it in a physical way yet.

As that thought crossed his mind however, he saw Vin and Alex making an entry and those who noticed them, in particular, Alex, had reason to pause. In their uniforms, it was so easy for the women of the Maverick to go about unnoticed but as he had realised when he first saw Mary tonight, it was more than a pleasant surprise when they caught the opposite sex's attention. In his mind, Mary was still the most beautiful woman here, but Alex did make a breath or two catch, by the look of every man in the place. Chris did not doubt that there were more than a few dying to be in Vin's place, the moment the third officer walked into the holo-deck at the helmsman's arm.

"Like I said," Buck said with a sigh as he stared at Alex with longing. "A waste of a fine woman."

Chris shook his head slowly and decided that Buck was never going to change. "You're a lost cause." Chris retorted and decided to go find Mary. After all, he did owe her that dance.

******

"My goodness," Ezra Standish exclaimed as he and Julia stepped off the little space of floor sequestered for those who wished to dance, approaching Vin and Alex who were heading towards the bar. "Is that our third officer in that charming little frock?"

"Don't make me hurt you." Alex warned, feeling uncomfortable enough as it is when she caught sight of some of the stares she was getting from the men in the room.

"You look sensational," Julia commended and nudge Ezra in the ribs to shut up, knowing this was a big step for Alex who normally gave such events a wide berth. "That dress is really something."

"I look sensational?" Alex scoffed when she regarded the velvet red dress Julia was wearing, accentuating every tight curve in her petite body and seemed to stand out against her red hair. "You look pretty amazing yourself."

"Yes," Ezra had to agree as he gave Julia an appreciative look. "There are no words to describe the completeness of your astounding beauty." The security chief was wearing the garb of a proper southern gentlemen, from the burgundy colored coat to the vest and crisp white shirt. He looked exactly like a gambler might appear in the Old West. Ezra took her hand and began to smother soft kisses on her wrist. "I am quite beside myself." He teased as Julia rubbed her brow, shaking her head.

"Want to trade?" Julia asked Alex with a playful smile.

"Nice try," Alex grinned, flashing a smile at Vin. "I'm afraid you're stuck with him."

"I take umbrage at that remark," Ezra replied with mock hurt. "Now I am forced to imbibe in order to salve my wounded ego. Mr. Tanner, would you care to join me?"

"Would a drink shut you up?" Vin asked with as much humor in his voice as was being bandied about the group at

"You can only hope." Ezra grinned before turning to the two ladies and finding out what they wanted to drink. In a few seconds, he and Vin were heading towards the bar, leaving Alex and Julia to their own devices.

Once they were far enough away, Ezra turned to Vin. "Mr. Tanner, you are the envy of every man in this place."

Vin looked at the man blankly, unable to fathom why that might be. "You're kidding me, right? Why?" He was genuinely perplexed.

Ezra stared at Vin for a moment, wondering if the Vulcan was joking with him and then realizing that he was not and of course, why would he have the slightest concept what Ezra was talking about? His relationship with Alexandra Styles was purely platonic. He did not know there were officers who whispered behind her back and called her the Ice Queen. Although, now that Ezra thought about it, if Vin did know, he was most likely to rip the person's head off.

"I apologize Vin," Ezra replied quickly. "I assumed you see her the way most men on the Maverick see her."

Vin looked over his shoulder at Alex and wondered what Ezra meant. He saw her as his friend, the one person who had the unerring ability to make him feel good about himself, who made no judgments, who liked being with him, who touched him on occasion and did not react as if she were making contact with a freak. He knew more than any person on the ship, save for Chris Larabee, Vin did not want to lose her. When she was with him, he felt warm inside and felt a security he had not known since those sun filled days with his foster parents, envelope him like a warm blanket.

However, Ezra's statement also reminded him about how other humans might view Alex, particularly human males. He knew enough about them to know they probably did not see Alex the way he did, and their reaction might be closer to his own behavior a short time ago, when he first saw her in that dress. Something tugged inside him, surfaced out of nowhere before meeting the glass wall of Vulcan physiology, allowing him to feel nothing else. It angered him a little.

"I'm not stupid Ezra," he found himself saying. "I know she's pretty."

Vin's description brought a smile to Ezra's face. "I know you are not Vin. I simply meant you are a fortunate she has chosen you to base her affections. There is not a man on this ship who would not want to be in your place at this moment."

"I like looking at her too." Vin confessed. "Only she's not like me. I'm not ready for a lot of things," Vin continued to speak and Ezra nodded just enough to know what he meant by that. "But she must be because of her age and sometimes it frightens me she won't care about me anymore when she finds someone who is ready to be what she needs."

"I would not worry yourself about that," Ezra spoke softly. If even half of what he knew about Cardassian interrogation techniques were true in regard to how they dealt with female prisoners, he was not surprised Alex was drawn to Vin as she was. He was probably the one male on the ship who could give her the friendship she desired without expecting more than what she was capable of giving in return. "I do not think it is a need Alexandra requires from you to fill, I think she merely enjoys your company as do the rest of us." Ezra patted Vin gently on the back.

"Thanks, Ezra," Vin smiled, feeling a little better because he had noticed the looks Alex commanded when she walked into the room with him and worried, she might be offended if he did not view her with the same desire. He cared for her, was fascinated by everything she was and knew if she were not in his life, he would not be able to stand the loss, but he did not desire her the way men were meant to desire women.

"Vin," Ezra took the opportunity to bring up another subject that had been bothering him the most of today on the bridge, following the Captain's priority one transmission from Starfleet. "Have you noticed anything odd in the behavior of the Captain and Commander Wilmington?

Vin fell silent for a moment and considered the question. He had to admit, he did notice something strange following the Captain's emergence from the Ready Room following the receipt of that transmission this morning. He could sense Chris Larabee almost as well as he could sense Alex. Mary said it was due to the emotional bond he shared with the both which allowed him to have some insight into their feelings. Fortunately, thanks to the protocol officer's lessons, he could only sense their emotions and not direct thought.

"A little." Vin admitted. "Chris seems a lot more tense. Buck too."

"That is the same conclusion I reached." Ezra let out a sigh. "I make it a habit to know what the other man is thinking during my dabbling in games of chance and I am usually able to sense whether or not there is a make or break atmosphere in the competition. Thus, it is most disturbing for me to say that I note the same kind of pressure on the Captain and first officer as those instances."

"You think something is up?" Vin asked, sounding nothing like the unsure young man of a few minutes and very much like the Starfleet lieutenant he was, not to mention the Officer of the Con.

"Let us say I have a bad feeling about this." Ezra replied and knew he was seldom wrong about such things. Sometimes, he really hated being reminded his mother was right, that he did indeed have a God given talent to spot such things.

Maude right. Now Ezra knew he really was in trouble.

The atmosphere in the Conference Room the morning after the party was decidedly different from what it had been during the gathering on the holodeck. Although most of them had seen Nathan about getting something for their aching heads, thanks to the unpleasant side effect of imbibing real alcohol as opposed to synthehol, the mood was tense because the Captain appeared that way. Chris sat at the head of the long table, allowing his gaze to move across the men and women he considered more than just subordinates but close personal friends. Even though it had been little under three months since they began serving together, Chris could not deny how quickly it took for this group of separates to become a team. A word he seldom used when describing their group dynamic, surfaced in his mind as he regarded them from this vantage point, was family.

When everyone was finally settled in and staring his way, Chris cleared his throat and exchanged a brief glimpse with Buck before he assumed the persona of Captain once more and began revealing to his crew, what he learned yesterday during his transmission from Starfleet Command. No doubt, some were curious and others like Vin and Ezra were looking at him as if they were perfectly aware, he was far more tense than usual and had an idea the news was not good.

Well in this instance, their instincts were correct.

"As some of you know, I received a Priority One transmission from Starfleet Command yesterday for Captain's eyes only."

A few glances were exchanged at that revelation, mostly between Josiah, Mary, and Nathan who were not required to be on the bridge all the time and would not have been present at the time. The others were not surprised and waited for him to continue.

"The transmission informed me the Maverick was to set course for Deep Space Five," Chris revealed.

This too, was of no surprise to those before him because the Captain did request a course change yesterday but it seemed rather routine since they had been out in the frontier for almost a month and a half. There was a need to replenish supplies, provide some crew shore leave, facilitate the usual transfers and departures that took place at a major intersection such as Deep Space Five. However, hearing the Captain had another reason for bringing them to the station made everyone share in Ezra and Vin's insight, something was big was on the horizon, something ominous.

"Once there we will be receiving a guest, a Cardassian defector," Chris remarked and immediately glanced at Alex.

Alex flinched but made no reaction. As a Starfleet officer, there was never going to be any avoiding a Cardassian. Although relations between the Federation and Cardassia had not been warm even before the Dominion's arrival into the Alpha Quadrant, an uneasy tolerance existed between the two which allowed her to encounter the race since her escape from that prison. Maintaining a mask of cool indifference at the Captain's news, Alex wanted her comrades to know she was fine. It was no secret to anyone who wanted to pull her service record, she had been incarcerated in a Cardassian prison. While she was not happy about that knowledge being a matter of public record, it only stated she was a prisoner and nothing else.

The details of her private hell were still hers and hers alone.

It was mostly concern she saw in their eyes, in particular from Vin who worried about how she would take being near a Cardassian. He need not have worried and she intended to show them all she was not going to be reduced to hysterics at the first sign of the race who spawned the men who had.... held her captive.

"No doubt someone who probably did not agree with the present Cardassian-Dominion alliance," she said coolly, giving them all clear indication, she was completely at ease with this news.

A silent sigh of relief followed at that response and Chris nodded slightly, not simply in agreement with her statement but also in approval of how she was conducting herself following that bit of information regarding the mission. Secure in the belief she was more than capable of handling herself around a Cardassian, Chris continued.

"At this time, we have no details on his identity yet, since Starfleet is considering this highly sensitive information. However, the defector who is placed at Command Headquarters on Cardassia Prime, claims approximately three days ago, he received a communication claiming a planet in this sector of space having tri-nucleic fungus."

The reaction around the room was almost instantaneous.

"Good Lord." Ezra let out a gasp. "Are we absolutely certain on this?"

"We're certain of nothing." Buck volunteered. "All we know for sure is the Dominion believes it."

"So, they're coming," Vin stated guessing this was the danger all this discussion was leading to. His exclamation made everyone fall silent as they looked at Chris for confirmation.

As much as Chris would like to deny it, he could not. Vin was dead right. "Yes, they're coming and at this time we have no ETA on that, except the Maverick is going to have to find this planet first because the Dominion only know it’s out here, not where."

"Captain," Alex let out a worried sigh. "There's a lot of space out there to search. Does this Cardassian know where in this area, this planet or system might be?"

"Not really," Chris answered honestly and saw Alex stiffening because that meant she would have to start searching through every system they've charted in the last three months to discover what they were looking for.

"If they don't know where this planet is," Mary spoke up. "Isn't it rather risky for them to launch a strike?" She was just as aware of the current situation between the Dominion and the Alpha Quadrant. "This is some distance from the Bajoran wormhole, not to mention Cardassian space."

Chris nodded slowly. "A month ago, the Romulan warbird Tasmeen engaged two Jem’Hadar and Cardassian warships. The Jem’Hadar smuggled a shapeshifter on board the warbird during the battle when the shields were down. When it looked like the enemy was going to win, the shapeshifter killed the Romulan commander before he could set off the auto-destruct."

"They've got their hands on a Warbird!" Julia cried out aghast, realizing the situation had just gone from bad to worse.

"Apparently so." Chris met the Engineer's gaze. "Starfleet believes they're already attempting to outfit their ships with a cloak."

"Terrific," Vin exclaimed. "So not only are they coming after us, we may not see them until it’s too late and under a cloak, they'll be able to search the sector without us being any wiser."

"That's right." Chris nodded, unable to deny Vin's grim forecast of things. "Suffice to say, we have a situation on our hands."

"I don't understand," Josiah spoke up for the first time. "What is this fungus?"

As a psychiatrist, Josiah could be forgiven for not knowing what they were talking about. He had been listening to the discussions, understanding the danger but not understanding why.

"Tri-nucleic fungus is the primary ingredient of the narcotic drug Ketracel White," Nathan explained for the Counselor's benefit. "The Jem’Hadar are genetically engineered warriors created by the Founders, the shapeshifters who are in charge of the Dominion. Since the Founders needed to control them, they were created with a natural addiction to the substance. Without it, they will go into withdrawal but not without trying to kill anyone around them first. In other words, they are not too discriminating on who they slaughter."

"Photon torpedoes," Alex spoke up suddenly. "That's how we see them."

"What?" Chris looked at her sharply. "What did you say?"

"A high yield photon torpedo at Level 6 detonation."

"But at Level 6..." Ezra started to say when Vin interrupted.

"The Enterprise and the Romulan blockade during the Duras War?" Vin looked at the science officer for confirmation.

"Yes," Alex nodded at the helmsman with a smile. "If they're adapting Romulan cloaking technology for their ships, then they must have the same weaknesses."

"I remember this," Chris realized what she was talking about now. "The Enterprise discovered the influence of Romulan agents in the Klingon Civil War. As you know the Klingons consider Romulans blood enemies and when they discovered one faction had Romulan allies, that more or less ended the civil war and established the current government on Qo'nos. If I remember correctly, Picard instigated a blockade at the Neutral Zone to ensure no shipment of armaments were being delivered to the Duras by Romulans."

"That's right," Julia added, now that she remembered the circumstances. "One of the ships in the blockade released a high yield photon torpedo at Level 6."

"But Level 6 won't even penetrate a warbird's shields." JD protested.

"No," Ezra agreed. "But the purpose is not to penetrate the shields, merely to create enough of a power surge to affect it in other ways, for example overloading the cloak so substantially they will become visible."

"Well," Chris said with a smile, always feeling a great deal of pride whenever he saw his officers brainstorming like this. They were at their best when things were at their worst and moment like this allowed them to shine like nothing else. "Julia, I want you to start modifying our torpedoes for high yield detonation at Level 6. If need be, I want to cover as wide an area as possible when we deploy them. We don't know how many ships the Jem’Hadar will be sending after us, so I don't want to be flying blind."

"I'll get started on them immediately." The Chief Engineer nodded.

Ever since he had received this information, Chris had been working hard trying to decide how his ship would face this threat and upon doing so had come up with a preliminary set of instructions for everyone to get started.

"Mary," he turned to the protocol officer with no hint in his voice she meant more to him personally. "I want you to start pouring over the books on protocol. If we find this place first, we're going to have to negotiate some kind of treaty. If this planet is pre-warp, we're going to have to find some way to work around the Prime Directive."

"The Prime Directive cannot be worked around Chris," Mary said automatically.

"Then you're going to have to be doubly creative because I can guarantee you, it's not going to stop the Dominion from invading them and for all our sakes, we need to get to the planet first."

Mary let out a sigh, troubled by just how complicated this was going to get. "I'll do what I can." She answered after a moment and meant it because she was not going to let policy decide all their futures if she could not figure some way to bend the rules without breaking it.

"Nathan," Chris turned around. "If we go into battle with the Jem’Hadar, I want random blood tests carried out after the engagement, especially if our shields go down for any reason."

"Is that really necessary?" Nathan asked even though he knew that it probably was if Chris wanted it so.

"Yes, it is," Chris met all their gazes. "We're not letting a shapeshifter loose on the Maverick because if the time comes and we find ourselves in the same situation as the Captain of the Tasmeem, nobody is taking my ship as a trophy." He said with a deadly edge to his voice.

"Alex, stellar cartography is one of the departments that report to you," Chris turned to the science officer. "We need to find this planet before the Jem’Hadar and Cardassians do."

"Well we've charted a bit of new territory since the beginning of our mission here," Alex said neutrally. "We'll start going through our data with a fine-tooth comb and see if we can't track down a planet or a spacial body exhibiting surface scans consistent with the conditions suitable for tri-nucleic fungus. We have no idea how reliable the defector's information is so I would rather not confine our search to just a planet. I realize it takes more time, but our success rate will be higher with those parameters."

"Agreed," Buck nodded. "We have no idea how the defector has come by his information, so we can't assume too much. Information tends to change with the telling.",

"Okay," the Captain agreed with that assessment from both senior officers. "Get started right away Alex."

"Aye Sir," she answered as Chris turned his attention to Josiah, prepared to bring up a very unpleasant subject but nonetheless one that had to be addressed in light of the threat and the odds they were facing.

"Josiah," the Captain raised his eyes to meet that of the Counselor's, " I want you to talk to every crewman on board with family beginning today. Discuss with them the possibility of disembarking for a time while we are at Deep Space 5. Chances are we'll be going to battle against an overwhelming enemy. We have reinforcements poised to join us but they're some time away. Until those starships get here, we are all that stands between the Dominion getting themselves a new supply of White."

"I would concur with the Captain on this Counselor," Ezra added his voice to support Chris on this decision. As security chief, he was going to have enough difficulty defending the ship against a fleet of Jem’Hadar and Cardassian warships without worrying about the civilians on board. If that burden could be eased in any way, Ezra was all for it. "If it comes to a fight, I would rather the children be elsewhere. We have no idea what the Dominion policy towards civilians captured as prisoners of war will be and I would rather we not find out."

The instant she heard Ezra declare the difficulty in defending the Maverick against a fleet of Jem’Hadar and Cardassian warships, Alex froze. Until now, the discussion had centered around the White, the warbird and the cloak, she had not considered the ramifications of what would happen if the Maverick was taken.

Once that seed was planted, she could think of nothing else.

Almost against her will, she spoke, and her voice escaped her in a monotone. It felt as if something had seized control of her body because she could not think for the sheer horror of it.

"Its most likely the Dominion will not trouble themselves with the care of prisoners of war and will turn anyone captured over to the Cardassians. They have the facilities to detain prisoners, the Jem’Hadar don't."

She didn't want to talk about this.  She didn't even want to approach the subject at all but capture by the Cardassians was now a possibility and the stark terror of that was more than she could bear. Inwardly, that terrified voice that only screamed at night, was making itself heard most prolifically.

Not again. Not ever. She'd die first.

But the others had to know what they risked. She couldn't keep something like this to herself and then have the same thing happen to Mary, Julia or even Casey because they weren't warned. They had to know what she did. They had to know what the Cardassians would do if they were captured alive. So, she was going to have to speak. She was going to have to tell them.

The minute Vin heard her voice, he turned sharply to her because even through his shields, he could feel the fear radiating off her.  Once he described Alex's thoughts to Mary as steam rising. Right now, he was seeing an inferno.  The others couldn't see it, but then again why would they? She kept everything so well hidden, it was impossible to see the wounds she carried. They didn't care for her as he did, they weren't fascinated by everything she was, or take delight whenever she shared anything with him. She didn't mean everything to them as she did to him, and it was why he knew she was breaking apart in front of them.

"Cardassians do not adhere to the Khitomer Accord in relation to the treatment of prisoners of war. If they have civilians in their custody, they will treat them in the same manner as Starfleet officers." Alex swallowed and quickly hid her hands under the table so no one would see how badly they were starting to shake. 

It was an action Vin didn't miss and realized then she was about to expose the terrible, dark secret he once sensed when he melded with her. Reaching discreetly under the table, he entwined his fingers in hers, wanting Alex to know, whatever it was she was trying to say, she wasn't doing it alone. Alex met his gaze and felt a wave of emotion at his support before composing herself so she could continue. 

"The Cardassians employ different techniques when interrogating female prisoners of war. They hold no distinction between civilians or Starfleet officers, or the age of the captive. The purpose of this is not merely for information extraction but to demoralize the enemy."

Alex's courage started to give out. She couldn't do it! She couldn't tell them! Yet even as these frightened warnings wailed frantically in her mind to be heeded, Alex knew she had no choice. She had to tell the truth, no matter how offensive it was to her, no matter how much the exposure terrified her.  They simply had to know what was at risk.

"They have," her voice faltered, and she had to catch her breath. 

"Alex it's alright," Vin said immediately, deciding enough was enough. "You don't have to..."

"Rape camps." The word escaped her like a strained gasp. "Cardassians have rape camps for female prisoners of war."

The room went deadly silent and no one could say a word.

"There are precedents," she continued, looking at no one as she spoke. "During the Slavic War of Earth in the 20th century, the country called Yugoslavia was broken up into several ethnic groups. The Serbian faction had a policy of breeding out the enemy and so when women were captured, they were held in such places and repeatedly assaulted until they fell pregnant or killed themselves, whichever came first."

"Jesus Christ." Buck Wilmington whispered in a hoarse exclamation.

Chris felt his jaw tighten and realized this was what Alex was never able to tell anyone until now. It was always assumed she was tortured like all the other Starfleet officers who had fallen into the custody of the Cardassians. They spoke of atrocities, but they had all been men and the women seldom spoke at all. Until now, Chris never knew why. As he heard her speak and saw the dark wells of her eyes unable to see anything else in the face of that tremendous revelation, he realized there was only one thing more terrifying than revealing what happened to her, and that was letting it happen again.

And being just as powerless to stop it.

Chris had read Alex's psych reports and knew about the nightmares, about her near catatonic state when she was recovered in a Cardassian escape pod by a Pakled freighter. There was other information sealed away from him by Alex herself, information guarded by the Privacy Act since it contained nothing relevant to her service as an officer. He looked silently at Josiah and saw the normally serene features of the Counselor become hard like duranium. Chris knew the look very well and though it was rare, it was nonetheless unmistakable. Josiah was barely able to conceal his outrage.

On Mary, he saw her eyes glistening with sympathy and shock. It was rare she was so shaken. Life on Vulcan allowed her to be controlled with her emotions but the expression on her face was a thousand kinds of astonishment mixed with disgust and stomach-turning horror. Her hand was partially covering her mouth and he offered her a silent reassurance he would die first before allowing such a fate to befall her.

Nathan was staring at Alex as if some great mystery had been solved and with the satisfaction of his questions was an expression of sympathy for the science officer. Chris was aware Alex had been using quite a number of dream suppressants and Nathan had recommended counseling. Chris ignored the request because he knew Alex would never agree to it and he was of the belief a person had a right to deal with their demons on their own. Lord knows a Counselor would have done him little good after he lost Adam and Sarah.

Buck could not say anything, but the fists clenched on the table told Chris plenty. Ezra kept looking at Julia and for once that poker face was nowhere to be seen as his worry for Julia became apparent for all to see. JD was merely shocked, unable to believe any civilized race could conduct themselves so appallingly. Julia was just as shaken as Mary, but she was trying hard to control her fear.

And there was Vin.

The Vulcan said nothing and would not because his thoughts were private, but only Chris could tell at the moment, how much that unflappable expression was truly hiding. Chris noticed Vin's hand intertwined with Alex's under the table and knew this was as much as he would express in this room and was glad for it. There were some things too unspeakable and this was one. Alex was looking at the table in front of her, unable to face anyone and Chris felt a wealth of admiration for her, knowing she had brought this forward because they simply needed to know, despite her personal anguish.

"I trust you will make our position clear to the civilians, Josiah." Chris finally broke the silence.

"You can count on it." Josiah nodded.

To the others, Chris had only one thing to say. "We'll blow the ship first before we allow anyone to be taken."

Because for the first time, Chris had just discovered there were things far worse than death.

And this was it.

Alex was the first one out of the Briefing Room when the meeting was over. She had to get out of the room because suddenly, she felt its wall closing in on her and she could not breathe. She wished she could be in the fresh open air to catch her breath but since they were presently traveling through the stars, it was more or less a foregone conclusion that the vacuum of space would not provide what she needed. She became aware of footsteps following her and did not have to look behind her to know it was Vin. No doubt, he was filled with questions and while she appreciated his support during the briefing, she had no intention of talking about her ordeal any further.

Speaking about it was bad enough. It was the first time in almost three years she was able to refer to the subject with another human being, let alone a room full of people. If truth was known, she cared for the crew of the Maverick more than any other she ever served with. Each of them in their own way meant too much to Alex for her to allow them to continue with the ignorance death was the worst that could happen to them when they faced the Dominion and by extension their Alpha Quadrant allies, the Cardassians.

As soon as the meeting was over, she practically ran out of the room, not wishing to have any more reason to discuss what was the most horrific experience of her life. She had spoken about it enough for today. All she wanted now was to disappear into her quarters and sit in the dark for a few hours, so she could finally stop this heart inside her chest from pounding with its rhythm of panic. Of course, while the others were smart enough to allow Alex her privacy, Vin Tanner was a completely different matter.

She knew he wanted to help and a small part of her wanted to let him. However, to be of any comfort to her, Vin would have to know the truth in all its entirety and that was something Alex could not bring herself to tell anyone, especially him. The very idea of Vin knowing what happened in that Cardassian prison was so horrifying, she almost doubled over and retched from the shame of it. There was only one other time she was so unbelievably frightened of the truth reaching another's ears, was when her father had come to see her in the hospital. Staying away from him since that day was the only way Alex could think of to not tell him the truth.

"Alex! Wait up." Vin's drawl sliced through her frantic thoughts.

"Leave me alone Vin." She warned as she continued up the corridor in long forceful strides, meaning it when she asked him to leave her alone. She did not want to hear comforting words saying it will be all right, that time would heal all wounds. It had been three years and she still found herself hiding under her bed when the nightmares became so bad, she could not distinguish between reality and the past haunting her at every waking moment.

"Alex," he grabbed her arm in an effort to stop her from running. She never had to run from him, ever. He once felt the anguish inside her soul and had not understood what the reason for such deep abiding pain could be. Even though the meld was unintentional, Vin did not regret their mental joining. Even though her soul was filled with pain, it was still her soul and it warmed him inside just being able to touch it with his own. "You're all twisted inside; you need to talk about it."

"No!" She pulled her arm away and whirled around, glaring at him with a look in her eyes that bordered on manic. "You listen to me. I do not have to talk about anything! Do you understand? Nothing! You cannot have even the slightest concept of what it was like. They took everything inside of me that was good and pure and covered it with their filth. I will not relive that nightmare by talking to you, to a Counselor or anyone else!"

Vin did not know what to do. It was clear she did not want his help, but he felt torn between his feelings for her and her right to privacy. "You don't have to talk about it." He stammered in response, not as sure about this as he was a moment ago when he had decided to come after her. The rest of the bridge crew had the sense to give the science officer a wide berth.  In truth, they were just as shaken to hear what fate might befall the female members of the crew if they were unable to stop the Jem’Hadar or worse yet fall captive to them during the conflict. "I just thought..."

"I know what you thought," she cut him off savagely, seeing the sympathy in his eyes and hating him so much for it. He knew! Without her even saying it, no matter how vague she had been, Alex realised with despair that he knew! It made her angry and tears threatened to escape her eyes when she turned that rage outward and vented it to salvage her dignity. "I said what I had to in there because the others have to know but I'll tell you right now, if we find ourselves in the same situation, if I for one minute think the Cardassians are going to take me alive, I will kill myself first you hear me? I will never go through that again. I would rather die first." With that, she turned on her heels and continued walking.

This time, Vin had the sense to let her go.
******
The officer of the con found himself seated in the observation deck a short time later, nursing a hot cup of chocolate and staring out at the stars, hoping perhaps the sight of all that beauty might give him some answers. Why would she not want his help? They could always talk about everything. When he first came aboard the Maverick and was terrified about being on a ship with almost a thousand people, it was Alex who helped him to overcome his natural shyness. She did so by being his friend first and then evolving the warmth she projected into his life as more than just that.

Her service record was available on the ship's records and Vin investigated enough of her background, without being invasive, to know Alex had suffered some terrible ordeal at the hands of the Cardassians, but until the Briefing Room, he never imagined just how horrible it could be. He supposed it was an alien thought to him, forcing a woman just to feel some physical pleasure. As a Vulcan whose sexuality had yet to emerge, he never experienced naked lust to be able to understand how it could steal the sense from any being so radically, they could not tell what was right or wrong.

Yet the Cardassians had done it to Alex. They had forced her and destroyed the person she was by their touch. 

With a hint of guilt, Vin could not deny he often entertained the same thoughts. He often wanted to touch her but not if she did not wish it of course. He closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like to be able to touch her, to feel the luster of her smooth skin under his hands, to feel her soft breath close to his ear. When she kissed him during that incident with Charlotte, he was unable to see why human males found the act so arousing but he remembered how Alex smelled. The lingering perfume of her skin followed him around all day, like an invisible companion sitting on his shoulder. Her lips were soft and delicate, reminding him of the petals of a flower. He wanted to run his fingertips over them, to feel the silky texture and bask in everything that was she.

When she had been yelling at him, he was at a loss to explain why the emotions he sensed from her seemed to burn hotter at the notion of his awareness of her situation. Why did she take it so personally, he knew? Vin had thought it would be easier, at least then she would not have to bear the horror of telling him when he already understood. But it had not happened that way; she wasn't comforted at him bridging the gulf of her despair if anything it made her angrier. Vin was at a loss to understand it.

"You okay?" Buck Wilmington's question announced the first officer's presence.

"I'm fine." Vin looked up at the taller man who approached him casually and took the seat across him a moment later. Vin felt a pang of disappointment when he remembered that was where Alex usually sat when they were up here.

"You look it," Buck responded with total disbelief in his voice and just as much of the emotion in his face. "Someone reported hearing Alex screaming her head off a while ago on Deck 4 and as near as I can figure it, the only person brave enough, not to mention stupid enough, to not leave her alone after what we heard during the briefing, would be you."

Vin stiffened in annoyance at Buck's accurate depiction of events especially when the man was right and decided he might as well forego the bother of denying any of it. "She told me to butt out in no uncertain terms." The younger man sighed.

"Well, I'm not surprised," Buck said gently, seeing no need to bait Vin anymore when he was genuinely hurting inside. "You grab a tiger by the tail, you are going to get bit."

"I don't understand," he looked at the older man, hoping the first officer might have an answer. "I don't care what happened to her with the Cardassians. I just wanted her to know I want to help her."

"Vin," Buck let out a sigh. "On this ship, there is no one that Alex cares about more than you. You're the one person she lets in as far as anyone can get in. She cares about the ship and about the rest of us, but it's you who’s got the keys to her heart, we all know it. Just like we know Chris sees Mary as more than just a protocol officer. It's a special thing to have in your hands. A man waits a lifetime for a woman like this to come along. One who just looks at you and couldn't care less who you have been or even what you are, just that to her you'll always be special."

Vin considered Buck's words and knew he was right. Alex did make him feel that way all the time. From the moment he came aboard the Maverick, she made those first few days tolerable when all he wanted to do was hide from everyone. Alex convinced him being who he was shouldn't matter to no one but himself and to hell with those who had an opinion on something that was none of their business anyway.

"Then why won't she talk to me?" Vin demanded, frustration showing clearly in his face as he tried to understand. "If she cares so much about me, why won't she let me help her?"

It was so easy to forget even though he was a thirty-year-old man, Vin was really much younger. The differences between Vulcan and human physiology saw to that. His contact with women was limited because of his early days trapped on that forgotten planet with only the people who adopted him as their own, for company. He spent the better part of his life robbed of the experiences that should have made him capable of dealing with humans and now more than ever, it showed.

"Someday, Vin, there will come a time between you two when you aren't just friends anymore," Buck said gingerly, not wishing to be too blunt but Vin had to know what Alex was probably thinking in order to keep the Vulcan from doing something that really hurt their relationship by his misplaced desire to help. "When I said you get the key to a woman's heart and she looks at you thinking that there ain't nothing you could do to make her think badly about you, it goes the other way. There are assholes out there who can't help wondering if a woman did not somehow deserve what happened to her and I think Alex is afraid you might think that way if she talked to you about it."

"That's ridiculous," Vin said immediately. "I could never think that. As it is, I feel like going out and kicking the crap out of the next Cardassian I see."

"In that case, you will not be on the bridge when our 'guest' arrives," Buck said with a little smile.

"You know what I mean." Vin frowned.

"I do," Buck responded with a gesture of apology. "Can't say I blame you. When I heard what she told us, I was just as mad as hell."

In fact, what Buck did not mention but was almost damned sure of, without having to hear the other say it, the other men in the room were similarly infuriated. No whom ever loved a woman could listen to that report without feeling some measure of outrage. True, they were all soldiers in the strictest sense of the word, once you got past the uniform and the shiny hardware around which they were surrounded and as soldiers, each of them knew there were rules to warfare. The Klingons followed it, the Romulans followed it, hell even the Gorn followed it but the Cardassians had proven from the moment they annexed the spiritual world of Bajor, they cared little for the conventions of other civilizations and allowed barbarism to rule the day.

As brutal as the Klingons were, they respected the enemy as warriors in the field and while the Romulans would extract information in whatever form necessary, should one fall into their hands, there were certain lines they did not cross because they were a graceful and elegant race in all things. After what he heard today, Buck doubted he would ever view the Cardassians in quite the same way again.

"So, what do I do?"

"Nothing." The older man said calmly. "Don't do anything. There are some things a person has to accept, and this is one of them. Alex is the only one who can decide how this is gonna go and though I know it’s tough for you to swallow, that's how it's got to be."

Vin's frown deepened across his face, mostly because he knew the first officer was right. He could not force Alex into accepting his support and if she did not want his help then as her friend, he was going to have to respect her wishes. However even as he thought that, Vin knew that something was coming over the horizon they could not see.

And whatever it was, Vin was sure Alex was going to be right in the middle of it.

******

When Josiah Sanchez asked to see Chris inside the captain's ready room, he had a feeling an ominous premonition as to what would be the nature of the meeting. Despite the fact Josiah had valid reasons for making the request Chris was sure he was certain to make; the captain could see himself being unable to grant it when it was finally made. Although it was standard practice for the Counselors to have their way in such matters since by this day and age, starship captains recognized the value of a healthy mind as well as body, Chris knew he had the power to deny the request if he so wished. No doubt, Josiah would be unimpressed with his choice, but Chris made up his mind the second he had been told by Casey Josiah needed to see him.

Chris sat behind his desk and waited for the inevitable chime to be heard at his door while nursing a hot cup of coffee in his hand. He spent the last few hours in this room, staring at the stars outside the window, absorbing the beauty outside as no doubt many of his crew often did whenever they were in conflict about things. The vastness of space and its remarkable ability to make one feel like a small atom in the web of life tended to put everyday concerns into perspective. After so many hours alone in this room trying to find such enlightenment, Chris had come away with no answers and more doubts as to the decision he would soon be making, against all advice to the contrary.

Sooner than he would have liked, he heard Josiah at the door and let out a deep sigh before beckoning the man to enter his private sanctum. At any other time, Chris would have welcomed Josiah's presence as a break from the tedium of reports and other snippets of starship business that tended to fill the mind with trivialities. The Counselor would enter the room, often brandishing a bottle of something that was definitely not synthehol and they would drink just enough to let the tension seep out of his bones. Chris never told Josiah how much those moments meant to him. Sometimes, it was like getting back that dithering old man with all his leather books Chris loved so much as a child. Josiah's demeanor was so much like his father, it was uncanny.

Josiah entered the room and this time he carried no bottle, which did not bode well for the rest of the meeting.

"What can I do for you Josiah?" Chris asked as he eased further into the chair, nodding slightly at the seat in front of his desk with an invitation to sit.

"I think you know." Josiah remarked and planted himself in the chair, not looking forward to this any more than Chris.

"Alexandra Styles?" Chris ventured a guess.

"Alex Styles." Josiah nodded in the affirmative. "I want her taken off active duty."

Josiah did not like doing this but after what he heard in the briefing room, he took the last few hours to make a quick investigation and what he learnt was enough to make him ask for this meeting. He knew Chris would not like it. Judging by the look in the captain's eyes, Josiah was not even sure Chris understood why he was asking but if the captain only knew what Josiah had learnt during these last hours of research, there would be no doubt in his mind why this was important.

"Why?" Chris asked simply, unsurprised by the demand and wanted to hear Josiah's reasoning to take a fine officer from her job when it was likely the only thing holding her together. As someone who had been torn apart inside out once upon a time, Chris knew the job had the power to heal the way nothing else could.

"You heard her." Josiah looked at him with shock, unable to imagine how Chris could even ask. "When that Cardassian comes aboard, it will be exposing antimatter. I rather she not be put through that kind of trauma and I would also request she begin counseling immediately."

"She says she can handle it." Chris met his gaze. "I think she can."

"Chris," Josiah tried to remain calm, knowing Chris cared just as much for the officers under his command, as Josiah did about those who needed his help. "I know you want to give her the benefit of the doubt and it is admirable but I'm asking you, take her off active duty at least until this Cardassian is gone and this mission is over."

Chris braced himself and then answered. "No."

"May I ask why?" Josiah asked, trying to remain calm.

"She has given me no reason to suspend her from duty," Chris stated firmly before adding, "for that matter," the captain narrowed his eyes and turned a high powered stared at Josiah. "Neither have you."

Josiah stiffened in his chair and returned Chris’s s gaze with just as much intensity. "Chris, I am asking you to suspend her from duty. I am asking you because it is my professional judgment it unwise for her to be anywhere near this Cardassian when he comes onboard."

"Josiah, what is the problem?" Chris demanded, allowing his temper to get the better of him a little. "She said she's fine with it. Isn't it more therapeutic we give her the benefit of the doubt, instead of punishing her for being traumatized years ago, just because we're having a guest on board?"

"It's not a punishment!" Josiah returned just as sharply because he knew something Chris did not.

"That's not how she'll see it!" Chris declared emphatically. "There are times when I look into that woman's face and know exactly how she feels. I know the hurt and the pain that wants to tear you apart inside if you allow it the power to do so. The one thing that kept me from breaking into a thousand pieces after Buck convinced me that life wasn't over when Sarah and Adam died, was the job. The job kept me alive. I won't take that away from Alex."

Josiah understood what Chris was trying to say, he really did and while he admired his captain for his sympathy and moreover, his empathy towards Alexandra Styles, Josiah also knew that in this instance Chris was wrong. Absolutely wrong.

"Chris," Josiah decided he was going to have no choice but to say it. "Do you know how many female officers were Cardassians prisoners of war, since the Border Wars?"

"No," Chris frowned, wondering if Josiah would now try to sway him by bombarding him with figures. "I don't."

"Fifty-six." Josiah replied automatically. "Do you know how many of them are still alive?"

Chris looked up, suddenly having a very bad feeling about this.

Josiah did not bother to let him venture a guess. "Including Alex, thirteen."

"Thirteen?" Chris’s s eyes widened. "Out of fifty-three?"

"Out of fifty-three."

"What happened to them?" The captain asked, his voice dropping an octave lower than usual.

"In almost all cases, suicide. Starfleet has a file buried someplace no one will look because to do so would bring into question the sensibility of allowing female officers to command starships or to be placed in situations where they may fall prey to the enemy. It would put back the status of women in combat almost four hundred years. Starfleet is aware of the problem, but they can't do anything about it without raising politically imprudent questions. I contacted Starfleet Medical and using my authority, I broke the seal on her records."

"You had no right to do that." Chris said sharply. "She has a right to her privacy."

"She was eight weeks pregnant when they took her off that Pakled freighter."

"Christ." Chris let out a soft groan of horror, feeling that news shudder through his body until it centered on his stomach and churned thickly with disgust.

"Not surprisingly, a therapeutic termination was carried out. According to the records, she was too catatonic to object. Genetic material recovered indicated the father was Cardassian."

Chris’s s jaw tightened. "Those bastards."

"The medical officer who examined her when they brought her in reported an extended period of abuse. There were indications of rape throughout the entire time she was held captive." Josiah paused a moment, composing himself as his own emotions started to overcome him. "Almost as recent as a week before the Pakleds found her floating in that escape pod. There were all kinds of internal damage both vaginal and rectal, broken bones, internal bleeding, cracked ribs. Apparently, Cardassians had a very good time at the expense of our science officer."

"How can anyone find something like that pleasurable." Chris found his voice but when it escaped him, it was hoarse with horror.

"Well they do it a lot," Josiah replied, unable to imagine it himself. "Almost all female officers who fall into Cardassian hands are found with the same injuries and deep trauma. Some recover but the damage is burned into them and it’s even worse when the woman is career. The Cardassians apparently get off on breaking high-ranking officers. Most never come out of the catatonia and usually suicide early on after rescue. Others try to go back to their lives, struggle to forget but can't face facing duty in the front lines again and opt for safe planet side postings."

"But Alex..."

"Alex is your exception." The counselor stated. "She asked for the posting to the Maverick. Counselors who attempted to treat her back then says it has something to do with her Klingon upbringing. You know how they can be, even their women."

Chris had to agree with Josiah there. Klingons accepted suffering and adversity as a challenge to be faced as warriors, no matter how demeaning the situation. There was glory to be had as long as one faced the trial as a true warrior of the field. Chris knew Alex was practically raised Klingon when her father was attached to the Federation Embassy on Qo'noS for most of her childhood. If Alex lived her life according to that simple philosophy, Chris could understand why she was here on the frontier, where anything could happen.

In understanding, he also knew something else. "I won't relieve her of duty." He stated after a long pause, much to Josiah's obvious astonishment.

"After what I just told you, why?" Josiah demanded almost angry but telling himself repeatedly Chris did not make such decisions lightly.

"You said it yourself," Chris replied, sincerely believing he was right. "Alex is the exception. She is out here because she would rather face the fear then let it take her. I admire that and I believe it is what has kept her alive and in the trenches. We start protecting her now and we harm her because we will never allow her to believe she can be safe again on her own."

"That's taking a hell of a gamble," Josiah countered, seeing the merit in Chris’s s words but not at all liking the cost if the captain was wrong. "And it's one I will not support. I am placing an official request to have her relieved off duty on the grounds of mental incapacity." He made that statement and rose to his feet.

Chris stood up to meet the challenge head on. "And I am officially denying it. She's stays on duty until she gives me a reason to say otherwise."

Josiah let out a heavy sigh, unable to believe it had come to this, but it had and now the die was cast.

"For your sake as well as hers, I hope you are right Chris, because if you are wrong, we'll lose her like we lost the others."

Despite Josiah's premonition nothing good would come of Alex remaining on duty, the next two days seemed to pass relatively without incident. The Maverick continued its journey to Deep Space Five to take on their Cardassian guest and while the tension levels were up, as one must expect it to do on a starship during a time of crisis, it was not so overt to give particular concern. Across the Maverick, all departments undertook preparations in readiness for the possibility of a battle with the Jem’Hadar. Engineering crews were working double shifts, reinforcing systems, running diagnostics, boosting shield and phaser strength while rationing energy use on board.

In the meantime, Ezra was running his security teams through combat simulations with Jem’Hadar troops on the holodeck. He spent much of the next two days dividing his time between security and engineering, working with his team but also aiding Chief Engineer Julia Pemberton as they worked steadily to strengthen the ship's defenses. Josiah, on the other hand, presented Chris with a list of civilians who would be disembarking at Deep Space Five and Chris was gratified to see many of these would be spouses with young families. Still, some opted to remain, declaring they knew the risks when they first agreed to settle on a starship. Chris had to admire their courage but had the faint suspicion they really had no idea what they faced if captured.

Mary, on the other hand, was reading up as much as she could on Cardassian culture, storing her personal feelings aside following what they learned about Alex's time with them and comporting herself as a protocol officer should. Since much of the intelligence they needed to halt the Dominion advance into this sector of space would originate from the defector, they would have to give their guest every respect and Mary told herself this meant keeping the man as far away from Alex as possible. Of course, there would be situations where they would cross each other's path, that was unavoidable, but Mary wanted to spare Alex the resurgence of any unpleasant memories by bringing her face to face with a man from the race who had brought her such pain.

Even though Chris appreciated Mary was protocol officer and had to remain by the side of the Cardassian for most of his time here, he could not deny he was bothered by how closely she would have to work with the man. Particularly after knowing what he now did about how Cardassians dealt with female prisoners of war. Aware he was going to pay for it later, Chris slipped a quiet word in Ezra's ear to never have a security detail far from Mary at any point when she was alone with the former Gul.

Alex spent most of the journey in astrometics where she and the rest of the stellar cartography team worked diligently sifting through the data accumulated during the time they had been out on the frontier, charting new territories. Somewhere amongst all those gigaquads of information was a planet that was capable of supporting tri-nucleic fungi. For the sake of the Alpha Quadrant, the Maverick had to find it before the Dominion. The science officer stayed off the bridge during this investigation and Chris saw no reason to request her presence because what she was doing in astrometics was important work. He also understood the difficulty she had facing the fellow members of the senior staff following the revelation of her ordeal.

During their time on the holodeck together, Chris noticed Vin seemed to be preoccupied and it did not take a feat of genius to know what concerned the Vulcan so much. On a starship, there were very few secrets. From the entire ship knowing Friday night was Ezra's poker night in his quarters to the fact Casey could play the violin and even to the point where the best linguine to be had anywhere in the sector saw its origins in Nathan Jackson's capable hands. Just like the entire ship knew Mary Travis was the captain's girlfriend and the fact the science officer and the officer of the con were in a platonic relationship Ezra was betting money would change, the minute Vin hit sexual maturity.

Chris could understand why the Vulcan might be in a state of flux. It was no easy thing to stand by and watch the woman you cared about so deeply, endure her private equivalent of hell with no idea how to help her through it. If it were Mary, Chris knew it would be no different for him. Nevertheless, Vin never allowed it to interfere with his work and strangely enough, the Vulcan did not bring it up with him in conversation. Chris guessed because of their close friendship; Vin did not want Chris to be burdened with more than he already had as a Captain. Besides, Chris had very little he could say to offer Vin any help out of his dilemma, other than what the young man was doing already, which was to let Alex dictate when she would need his aid.

"We're coming into range of Deep Space Five." JD Dunne announced as the viewer screen displayed the image of the space station in the approaching space before them.

Chris looked up and took note the station seemed in better condition than it did the last time they came this way. Over the last few months, Captain Krista had been intensifying efforts to repair all the structural damage been caused during the Borg invasion when the Collective had come this way. As they slowly approached the station, it appeared that Krista's efforts had been well worth the time spent for the station looked very impressive indeed. It was a far cry from the dilapidated station they visited during their maiden voyage to the frontier, inundated with Lysian refugees.

The devastation wrought by the Borg's invasion of Lysia was still apparent on the planet's surface. However, the traffic presently surrounding the station indicated restoration efforts were well underway. Chris could see smaller vessels crisscrossing through the space around the Federation outpost, some approaching the docking rings to begin embarkation while others were making their departure for parts unknown or were a part of the relief effort on Lysia.

"Captain Krista must have been putting in rotating shifts to get this kind of results," Chris commented, impressed.

"If I am to understand it, Captain," Ezra Standish declared from his corner of the bridge. "The entire station has been refitted with new fortifications. I believe she has now the defensive capability similar to the refit undergone by Deep Space Nine in preparation of the Dominion War."

"Makes sense," Vin commented from the helm. "They're out here in the thick of things as much as we are, and they got more people to worry about. A moving target has a chance of escape at least, a space station does not."

"Agreed." The security man replied. "I have been told the outer hull has been replaced with duranium plating making it virtually impossible for a breach and nearly all the upper pylons have been installed with torpedo launchers. The station is meant to be carrying an arsenal of almost 5000 photon torpedoes and an impressive cache of the quantum variety as well. In other words, should the Jem’Hadar come this way, they are likely to be in for an interesting reception."

"How the hell do you have that kind of information Ezra?" Chris turned around and stared at his security chief with a hint of admiration and annoyance. "The specifications on the refit of Deep Space Five is classified information. Only starships captain with command level clearance are meant to have that kind of access."

"It is amazing what can be ascertained when one holds four of a kind when playing with the engineer of the Lexington, who incidentally is a rather verbal young man who let it slip most unintentionally about the materials he was bringing to the station. I simply made of it what I could." Ezra volunteered innocently and then offered his trademark dimpled smirk, which indicated clearly, he repented nothing.

Chris shook his head in resignation. "Consider yourself a security breach commander and hail the station."

"Aye Sir," Ezra nodded.

"Now the fun begins." Buck mused softly. "Mary is on standby to transport to the station," the first officer dutifully informed the captain. "She'll be escorting our guest back to the Maverick and helping him get settled in."

Chris knew he did not have to worry about the welfare of the protocol officer especially when she would be surrounded by dozens of Starfleet personnel on the station, to say nothing of the security people assigned to her the moment she returned to the ship. He did not know why he was being paranoid because this Cardassian could not possibly be held accountable for the crimes of others, but he could not help it. The thought of what had happened to Alex, happening to his Mary was so odious, it made him sick to his stomach just thinking about it.

"Where's Alex?" He asked automatically.

"She's still in astrometics," Vin answered before Buck could. "I think she's still trying to find this planet. Said she'll be there for most of the day."

In truth, they all knew she was probably trying to stay out of sight and limit her interaction with the Cardassian as much as she could. Chris was glad. After his discussion with Josiah and their adversarial positions regarding Alex's continued presence on the bridge and on duty, he did not want to be proven wrong. At the very least, Josiah would never let him forget it and at the very worst, Alex might end up killing herself like all those other poor women had chosen to do. Glancing at Vin, Chris knew he would never forgive himself if he allowed that to happen.

And he had enough deaths on his conscience to last a lifetime.

"Make sure she stays there," Chris said firmly. "I don't want any incidents."

"I'll see to it," Vin spoke up. "Hell, I could use another butt kicking in the holodeck anyway."

A small titter of laughter rippled through the room and it was mostly because the tension at the moment was such, something needed to break it even for a moment. "You know it's saying something that you who are a Vulcan four times stronger than any human, can get periodically kicked from here to kingdom come by a woman is beyond disbelief. Not that I'm sexist or nothing."

Vin looked over his shoulder and remarked with a little smile. "Well maybe cause you ain't the only one who knows a little something about women."

******

Mary Travis had not gained many opportunities to visit Deep Space Five the last time they were in the vicinity and now, it looks like things were not going to shape up any better to allow her the opportunity this time around either. Not that she minded. Space stations seemed somewhat immortal no matter how much adversity it might face in the way of threats, be there invasion fleets or random spacial phenomena. Chances were, she would have a chance to visit again once this present crisis was over. Did she think the Maverick was going to survive its encounter with the Jem’Hadar?

Absolutely.

If anyone could pull such a hat trick like that, Mary knew with confidence it was Chris Larabee. It was a belief not simply engendered by the fact she cared for the man but more from the feeling there was something very special about the Maverick and its crew. Mary could not explain the confidence she felt when being with one or more of them, but there was some mysticism in being a part of the fellowship of the seven. It was illogical she told herself, remnants of a past existence, still surfacing on occasion. It may be illogical, but it was the truth.

Mary continued down the corridor leading to the defector's suite as directed by the ensign on hand to greet her when she had stepped off the transporter pad. The Maverick's docking with Deep Space Five would be brief. They were remaining long enough for civilians to be transported to the station and for them to take on their new passenger. Mary herself had opted to keep William with her despite Chris’s s advice to the contrary. Although she did not want to endanger her son, she could not bring herself to leave him on the station with strangers either. Not that Chris had not tried to talk her into accepting the leave he offered so she could be with her son.

While Mary appreciated the gesture, she was not about to hide from the risks expected of every person in Starfleet, even those with children. She reached the end of the corridor, passing by a few other inhabitants of this section of the habitat ring and saw the door in question. Taking a deep breath, she continued forward, reminding herself what she heard in the briefing room should make no difference to her. Diplomacy was the requirement of the day and it was what she was best at.

Mary paused at the door and pressed the button announcing her arrival to the occupant of the room. She waited a moment, remembering this man was an ally and the survival of the Federation hinged on what he would be able to tell them about the eminent Jem’Hadar invasion of the Frontier. The door slid open and Mary soon found herself faced to face with a tall imposing Cardassian who regarded her with a mixture of expectation and mild curiosity.

He was like all Cardassians, harsh looking, mostly because that was how the human mind interpreted the bony protrusions of their face. However, he was handsome to a certain extent and wore the garb of Cardassian Gul, the equivalent of a starship captain. The markings on his uniform indicated he was a Gul of the Ninth Order, second in importance, next to the Obsidian Order, the dreaded secret police that ruled supreme on Cardassia Prime and was responsible for all its espionage dealings with the rest of the galaxy.

"I am Lieutenant Mary Travis, Protocol Officer to the USS Maverick," Mary introduced herself. "I am here to provide you with an escort to the ship."

"Where is the Captain?" He asked abruptly, full of the arrogance of someone unaccustomed to being around those of unequal standing.

"As per Starfleet orders," Mary responded, trying not to become offended by his rudeness. "We have been told to make your embarkation onto the Maverick as low profile as possible. We would not want to draw attention to you by having a Starship Captain arriving at your door."

"How do I know that you are not a Dominion spy?" The man said pointedly.

"Likewise." Mary retorted, with a single brow raised.

The Cardassian gave her a look and then broke into a smile. "Touché' Lieutenant. We shall proceed."

He retreated into his room and picked up a single bag resting on the chair. "These quarters are rather Spartan." He commented, casting a distasteful look over the small room that had been his home since his arrival on the station. "Of course, I am spoiled by the luxurious standards of Cardassians station. I believe you have had a chance to sample such offerings by your acquisition of Terak Nor."

Mary did not react. "You mean Deep Space Nine." She pointed; getting a little of her own back because she knew the Cardassians hated Terak Nor to be referred to as such. Especially when they were reminded of how the Bajora had forced the Cardassians off their home world and caused them to relinquish that piece of hardware in order to establish a Federation presence there.

He glanced over her shoulder and replied just a smoothly, impressed by her ability to hold her own. "Yes. I assume a galaxy class starship will be able to provide better lodgings?"

"I have prepared our VIP suite for your use and programmed your replicators to provide you with Cardassian cuisine," Mary said sweetly.

"How enterprising of you." He commented. "Are you similarly talented in fulfilling any other needs I might have?" He asked taking a step closer towards her until she could feel his breath on her skin and Mary was forced to look up to meet his gaze.

She took a step back and remarked coolly, unaffected by his attempt at charm or intimidation. "Shall we proceed?"

Suddenly she had this idea whether or not the Jem’Hadar attacked, this was going to be one long mission.

******

After allowing Alex to beat him again, at least that's what he told himself, Vin and the science officer made their way to Four Corners to get something to drink. They spent the last two hours on the holodeck combating simulated opponents while they attempted to take some ancient Klingon temple on Borath. It was basically a combat program allowing Alex the opportunity to vent much of the anger presently churning inside her, thanks to the unceremonious confrontation with her past. The combat program was one of few they shared together. Occasionally, she would accompany him horse riding though she did not know how to do it herself and would often spend the time nestled behind him on the saddle with her arms around him.

Vin enjoyed that a great deal because he got to keep her scent on him for the rest of the day. At the moment, however, she did not appear to be suffering any of the emotional turmoil that caused their quarrel two days before and the status quo between them was back to normal. Although she had not guessed he had an ulterior motive for spending holodeck time with her today, Vin knew she genuinely enjoyed spending the time with him and was glad her outburst had not permanently injured their relationship.

Four Corners was not busy at this time of the day and they were able to find a table right next to the plexiglass, which gave them a panoramic view of the Lysian homeworld and all the ships were traveling back and forth from the station.

"I think after Borath, we might go horse riding again," Alex suggested as she stirred the cup of hot chocolate before her.

"Okay," Vin said neutrally, hiding how pleased he was at the prospect of being close to her. What he did not know was it pleased Alex too. "Where to this time?" They usually rode through trails that took them to places with beautiful landscapes almost as breathtaking as what was lying in wait outside.

"I don't know. Do have a program of your ranch?" She asked after a moment of consideration.

"Yeah," Vin nodded, somewhat surprised because she had never asked about the ranch in Texas left to him by his adopted parents. During the period after his return to Earth and prior to his enrollment at Starfleet Academy, Vin spent some time there, mostly wishing his parents were alive to share the experience with him. Even though he had not regretted leaving the place behind, he did miss its wide-open spaces when he left for the Academy. "I can show you the trail I used to ride every day."

"Sounds good." Alex smiled, genuinely wanting to see it and being with Vin when she did.

Alex was in the process of taking a sip of her hot chocolate, her gaze on the space outside the glass when Vin noticed the doors to the bar opening at the far end of the room. He would not have paid attention to the new arrivals if not for the fact one of them was Mary Travis and the other was the Cardassian defector aiding them in their present situation. The Vulcan winced inwardly, not wishing Alex to face this particular hurdle so soon but with events making that impossible now, the best he could do was be there for her while she endured it.

"Alex, the Cardassian just walked in," Vin announced softly as he watched Mary show the Cardassian to the bar and introduced him to Inez.

Alex paused in mid-sip and lowered her cup just enough to take a deep breath. Ever since the Captain briefed them on the present crisis, Alex knew this was a situation she would have to face and promised herself to be a complete professional about this. She would not embarrass her Captain when he placed so much faith in her abilities and on her word she would behave.

"I'm fine." She assured him and turned her head towards to Mary and the Gul.

For an instant, as her eyes took in the sight of him, there was no reaction. Vin thought she was completely in control until he saw her hand shaking violently and the hot chocolate, still burning hot, shuddering out of its porcelain edge without Alex noticing the heat burning into her skin. Her jaw was tightening just like the grip around the cup until finally, the pressure caused it to shatter with a loud crack as fluid emptied onto the smooth surface of the table.

"Alex, what is it?" Vin demanded before the worst possible reason for her strong reaction to the man suddenly reared its ugly, unimaginable head. No one had seen this coming, or even that the possibility might exist. They were so worried she would take her rage out an innocent, it never once occurred to them she might be venting her rage on the guilty.

God, he hoped he was wrong. He really hoped he was wrong!

She left the table and strode towards the Cardassian, seeing nothing but him. Everything around her was dispersing matter converging into a singularity of utter annihilation. Only he remained behind in her shrinking universe.  Alex could not breathe. He heart was pounding so loudly in her chest she could not even begin to let her mind process the reality of his being here, in front her after all these years. Before this, he'd only existed in the nightmares that woke her up screaming up every night.   Closing in on him, the wall behind which she hid the horror of what he had done to her, shattered, flooding her with the details of her ordeal.

Being unable to breathe. Forced on her hands and knees, brutalized one by one on his orders. All his men taking turns at her, passing her around like she was an endless bottle with which they could satiate their thirst. Hearing the screams and knowing with despair they were hers. Tasting vomit after she retched the contents of her stomach until she was spitting acid. Left with nothing else in the aftermath except the terrible shame and humiliation. She remembered the revulsion of their stink and the clammy stickiness of their semen on her skin. Praying, always praying they would let her die every time they came to take her again and again. Begging them to stop, only they never did because the whimpers only made them want to do it more, even though they knew her mind was half gone.

She didn't care if she died today. She didn't care if the rest of her life ended at this moment. Death was a release because hell was a place she had already seen and he who presided over her misery was right here.

"Lemar!"

He turned sharply to her and for a moment, he did not speak. Alex was not surprised. He probably would not remember her. After all, she was just another prisoner, another victim. Why the hell would he keep her in his mind? She did not wait for the answer because no sooner than he cast his gaze upon her, Alex launched herself at him. Her weight slammed them both into the bar almost toppling the Cardassian over. He did not quite manage to fall over it because Alex's hands were on his throat keeping him in reach. Her fists went flying before he was even aware of the attack, striking him in the face repeatedly.

"Alex!" Mary grabbed her arm trying to stop her from beating the man senseless when the science officer shook off the attempt and jabbed an elbow into Mary's face, sending the protocol officer sprawling. Mary tumbled into Vin, blood gushing from a broken nose as pandemonium broke out in the bar.

"Are you alright?" Vin asked hastily as he set Mary down and glanced frantically at Alex who was pummeling Lemar with frenzied rage behind every blow.

"I'm fine!" Stop her!" Mary shouted wiping the blood from her nose. Already fissures of broken skin began appearing on the Gul's face and the advantage Alex acquired with the surprise of her attack robbed him of the ability to recover enough to fight back.

Vin slid his arms around Alex's waist and physically tore her from the Cardassian. She reacted instinctively, preparing to fend him off as she had Mary when Vin grabbed her arm and held it there as Alex continued to struggle.

"Alex stop it!" Vin shouted trying to make her see reason. No sooner than Alex had been safely extricated from Lemar, Mary hurried to the Cardassian who was bleeding quite profusely.

"Nathan, I need someone down in Four Corners immediately!" Mary declared, tapping her com badge. Around them, everyone was staring at the incident in shock, not knowing what to think. Mary could see the doors of the bar opening with Ezra and a team of security officers making their entrance after surveying the scene and discovering what was wrong.

"Let me go! You don't understand! You don't know who he is!" She fought Vin with every ounce strength in her body even though she knew she had no chance of breaking free once he had her. He was four times stronger and had more than enough strength to tear her away from her victim and keep her restrained indefinitely. "Let me go!"

"Alex, enough," Vin said firmly, feeling his heart aching at having to do this but she had to stop.

"No!" She stared at him wide-eyed and breathing hard. "You don't know who he is! You don't know what he did!" She looked at Vin, tears running down her cheeks as the horror of it swelled up from the bottom of some dark place within and swallowed her whole. "You can't possibly know!"

"I know Alex," he said gently and pulled her to him as she started to break down and sob. Alex resisted for only a moment before she succumbed to his arms and buried herself in the crook of his shoulder, weeping openly, and not caring who saw.

Stroking her hair, he whispered in her ear. "I know."

If there was one thing Chris Larabee hated, it was being wrong.

He hated it because being wrong meant he was fallible and not as in control of his life as he wished to be. A starship captain could not afford to be wrong. Too many lives depended on his ability to have all the answers despite the situation. The nature of things required him to always have alternatives, to foresee every possibility, no matter how remote, and devise a solution to counter it, should it suddenly rear its ugly head to threaten any of them. When he received the call from Ezra Standish informing him of what took place within Four Corners, he knew he had failed in that responsibility.

As Chris made his way to Alexandra Styles's quarters where he ordered her confined for the duration, with guards posted at her door to ensure she remained there, he still didn't know whether or not he had been wrong in keeping her on duty. Of course, his guilt could be easily absolved by arguing no one could have possibly foreseen this set of circumstances coming to bear. Unfortunately, as he turned down the corridor and saw the two men playing sentry outside of Alex's quarters, he realized absolution would do him little good.

What he needed now was an answer, which he did not have.

A part of him could hear Josiah now, telling him he precipitated this situation by keeping Alex on active duty, but Chris still failed to see what good it would have done taking her work away from her. No one could have possibly imagined Gul Lemar was once a warder of a Cardassian Gulag, where the rape camps they had spoken of with such disgust, was under his authority to maintain. Unfortunately, because the Gul took a very hands-on approach to his work, Chris was now faced with a crisis he could not possibly imagine. The more he closed the gap between his inevitable meeting with Alex, he found himself forced to make a choice between his duty to the Federation and upholding the honor of a friend who suffered more than she ought, by any standards.

He had a feeling he was going to feel bad no matter which way this went.

Upon reaching the doors, the two security men taking up flank immediately snapped to attention and greeted the master of the vessel. Chris paused long enough to offer them a nod of acknowledgment before activating the panel announcing his presence. He waited for a moment to be invited in, but no answer was forthcoming.

Glancing at Lieutenant Katovit, Chris found himself asking. "I'm hoping she's in there." He responded, unashamed of using just enough stern authority in his voice to indicate if she had gotten past them, there would be hell to pay.

"She is, Sir." Katovit nodded. "She's probably worn herself out." The lieutenant said uncomfortably, feeling awkward about having to reveal that snippet of information, but it was necessary.

"Worn herself out?" Chris was almost afraid to ask.

"There was a lot of noise a while ago." The security officer responded, not needing to elaborate further because the captain would be able to see evidence of it when he walked into the room.

Chris took a deep breath and decided this was never meant to be easy, before activating the door panel, entering even if Alex did not want company. Unfortunately, her actions in Four Corners had taken that choice out of her hands and she was getting a visitor. The doors zipped open and Chris stepped inside, feeling like a man about to take the walk to the gallows.

When he stepped inside the room, what he saw astonished him.

It appeared as if a tornado had run through the room, anything breakable, was and everything else, upended. The room that was normally Spartan in its appearance now looked like the aftermath of a war zone. His shock was apparent as he stared at the upturned furniture, the smashed breakables on the carpeted floor, a creating a pattern where shattered ceramic spread out upon impact. He trod carefully, unavoidably stepping on some broken fragments of glass as he advanced into the room.

The lights were low, giving just enough illumination for him to see the destruction but little else. Shadows loomed and he could not see Alex, even though he could hear a soft, scraping sound resembling metal against metal. Despite himself, he felt a little hint of fear, not for himself but for the state of mind capable of lashing out with such violence. For the first time, Chris wondered if Josiah had been right, that keeping her on duty had pushed her over the edge into an abyss without return, an abyss he could have avoided if he just listened to the Counselor.

"Increase radiance of illumination by 25 percent," Chris ordered and the ever obedient and vigilant ship's computer immediately responded by flooding the room with light that filled out of the corners of the darkened space, in a matter of seconds.

Chris found himself a few feet from Alex.

She was sitting at the base of the opposite wall, still clad in her uniform except she had discarded the blazer and turtleneck, having opted to wear only her grey t-shirt on her upper torso. Alex was seated cross-legged as she ran a sharpening stone against the blade of what appeared to be the ceremonial dagger carried by every Klingon who called himself a warrior. It took no feat of genius to guess why she was doing this now. Her eyes were still puffy and red from the tears Mary had reported she wept when Vin had finally torn her away from the Cardassian, but everything about her was as hard as the sharpening stone in her hands.

"Alex," Chris spoke first, wondering whether or not she was even aware he was present. She had not given him any indication to prove otherwise.

She did not answer and continued to sharpen the blade even faster.

"I thought you had to be a warrior to have one of those," Chris remarked, deciding to take a different tact.

"You do," Alex said coldly. "It was given to me by an old friend. It was returned to her with honor when her husband died in battle. She gave it to me because she had no children of her own. It was a compliment."

It was actually, Chris thought to himself. An extremely good one. Such weapons were considered heirlooms and those passed on by one who had gone to Sto-Vo-Kor were especially prized. Whomever this old friend was to Alex, there was a great deal of affection behind the presentation of such a valuable gift.

"I think its sharp enough," Chris added, feeling his unease grow with each stroke of her blade against that stone.

"It's never going to be sharp enough."

"Alex, think about this." He spoke, trying to make her see reason, not to mention make some kind of argument against using that knife she was readying for a purpose obvious to all. "You can't just kill him."

Her eyes raised to his. The look in them was menacing and he knew he had better be ready for an attack because her body was poised to strike. Suddenly, he had the strangest feeling killing herself was never on the agenda and Josiah had been wrong assuming such. Chris was happy to say he always thought Alex too strong to take that route but now as he saw the maniacal rage in her eyes, he realized she was strong enough to take another path, equally damning.

"Watch me." She said simply.

"I won't let you kill him," Chris said just as simply. "I won't let you throw away your freedom, your career and everyone who cares about you because of revenge. Nothing is worth that."

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?" She screamed at him suddenly, her voice so sharp she almost made him jump as she rose to her feet, holding the blade as if she were more than ready to start carving something up, starting with him.

Chris felt silent and rebuked himself for that choice of words. "I meant...."

"I know what you meant!" She barked. "I know exactly what you meant so I can tell you exactly what I mean, and we will understand each other." She began to pace, every muscle in her body tense as she glared at him.

"I am going to kill him. I am going to kill him slowly and enjoy every fucking minute of it. If that means I get locked up in a Federation prison for the rest of my natural life, at least I'll finally get some sleep! I won't have to wake up screaming every night because of the dreams that bastard put in my head!"

Chris could not blame her for wanting revenge as fiercely as she did. No human being could endure what she had and not. He was not so hypocritical as to make the mistake of saying he knew how she felt. He did not and Chris had the feeling he would never be able to. However, Chris was not about to let her go either. Perhaps he did not know about hate but he knew enough about experiencing agony almost as overwhelming as the physical trauma she had endured as a Cardassian prisoner.

"I won't let you do it, Alex." Chris stared at her firmly, not as a captain or a Starfleet officer but as her friend. "You mean too much to all of us for me to let you do that."

"It's not your choice."

"It is if I throw you in the brig until he leaves," Chris replied coolly. "I am willing to do that Commander, don't ever make the mistake of thinking my affections for you will keep me from doing my job. As disgusting as it may be for me to tolerate that son of a bitch in my Sick Bay, getting treated by my Chief Medical Officer after what he did to you, I have to swallow it. I have to because that man is all that stands between us and the Dominion taking the Alpha Quadrant. When I faced with the slavery of billions, you have to understand I can make that choice."

Alex had stopped pacing and she stared at him for a long while, aware what he said to her did not come from the man who was her captain but as one who had given her every consideration since she came on board the Maverick.

"Do you have any idea what it was like?" She asked after a moment.

"No," Chris shook his head. "I can't even stomach it, let alone try to imagine it."

"The day after you get there after they strip you down and leave you naked, they put this device on your chest," she said lowering the knife and softening a little as her mind went somewhere she had not gone in three years. "It’s small and it's surgically implanted right over your heart. It has more than enough charge to kill you and it's controlled by remote. When you don't play their game, they turn it on, and it sends a power surge straight to your heart that stops it skipping a beat or two. It doesn't hurt then but it makes you pay attention."

Chris let her speak, having the impression she told no one this before and would not likely to after this, so he listened carefully because he cared and because she needed him to.

"The more you misbehave, the more they use it until you feel like your heart's going to burst in your chest. They use it very frequently that first week, just to condition you to become used to the thing, used to obeying their rules. The rape begins the second week. Three times a day, every day." There were no tears in her eyes and yet Chris could sense the anguish. Inwardly, he wished she would weep because seeing that pain was much worse than hearing her tears.

"Sometimes, three of them, sometimes four. Sometimes he would give the order, other times he would do it himself. He liked to see me scream in pain and that's what it was for me for six months. Pain, three times a day, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I was always tied up, with my hands behind my back and around the ankles so I couldn't fight. He'd have one of his men keep an eye on the remote for the charging device, so if I struggled too hard or fought too much, he'd be able to pull me in line. That is when using me as a punching bag wasn't good enough. Do you know what it’s like to smell his stink on you after he'd taken everything that mattered and knows it was going to start all over again the next day until you died, or he killed you?"

"God," he whispered.

"There is no God," Alex said ruefully. "I actually prayed to God to stop it, to make it end. I begged and I whimpered for God to help me, but he never did." She paused a moment and regained her composure, nearly breaking down at certain junctures of her tale but managing to keep control somehow. "I knew I was pregnant the moment it started becoming harder to keep my strength up. The whole aim of that place was to demoralize the enemy by striking at their women, so I was not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing they had won, they had planted their seed." Her lips curled in open hatred as she made that admission.

"I made a decision Captain," she let out a deep breath. "I could either die in that place or I could leave. In the end, the choice became that easy."

"How did you do it?" Chris asked, wondering how she managed it when that insidious device was attached to her heart, keeping her submissive for so long.

"Can't you guess?" She met his gaze.

It dawned upon him what she was trying to say and realized this more than anything was the part she could not speak out loud. It was too horrifying to think any being could be pushed so far as to use that to their advantage.

"You started pretending to like it."

"Yes," Alex nodded. "That animal was arrogant enough to think what he did to me was actually pleasurable, he believed me when I pretended to enjoy it. Each time, I did for him what none of the others would do. It made me sick to my stomach, but it allowed him to take that fucking thing off me. The minute I was free, I headed to the station's engineering deck and built myself a beautifully simple but ultimately lethal surprise that lowered the containment field around their antimatter core. Then I got in an escape pod and saw the fireworks from space. I assumed he died there but I'm guessing the reason why he was stripped of his command and recalled to Cardassia Prime as a paper shuffler has got a lot to do with that."

When she stopped speaking, silence ensued and for a long while neither of them spoke. The quiet lingered in the room, with only their breathing offering any discernible signs of life or reaction. Chris watched her as she was lost in that faraway place, trying to imagine what it was to have endured what she had and could understand why she chose to tell him and not Vin. He could handle such horror, Vin would not. There was too much passion inside of Vin for Alex to hear it as she was telling Chris now. The Vulcan would react in the extreme and probably kill Lemar himself. Alex would not ruin Vin with the knowledge of what happened to her.

"I still can't let you kill him, Alex," Chris repeated himself softly.

Alex had dropped to her haunches again and looked at the blade in her hand before dropping it on the floor, making a soft thud as it landed. "I know." She dropped her gaze and let out a deep breath as she admitted it.

"We have a problem." The captain decided to be honest with her since she had offered him the same courtesy. "We need him, Alex, as unfair and outrageous as that might seem to you right now, we need him to help us find this planet with what he knows. If the Dominion wins this war, it means the Cardassians win too and what happened to you, will happen to every woman a Cardassian occupying force takes a liking to, you know that."

"I won't let that happen," she responded softly, hating that fact more than any other, even more than her revenge, that someone else, someone like Mary or Julia or god forbid, someone like Casey might have to endure the hell she had been through. In the face of that, her revenge felt like ash in her mouth.

"The thing is," Chris looked at her, waiting for her reaction when he made his next confession. "I need you too."

Alex raised her eyes with gentle surprise.

"You're the best damn science officer I have ever served with Commander Styles," Chris declared sincerely. "You work so much on instinct I am absolutely sure you are almost as vital to our chances of finding this planet as that animal we got down in Sick Bay. What you did in Four Corners is a justifiable offense, I'll put my command up against anyone who says otherwise. I'll resign my commission first before I let them remove you from your post, but I have to have your guarantee that we do things my way."

"Your way?" Alex asked, giving credence to his words only because of his earnest statement.

"My way is that we ride this out. You do not lay one finger on him or go anywhere near him. If we survive this mission, I will have him in the brig so fast his head will spin." Chris assured her and meant it completely. "I'm guessing he's counted on no one knowing what he did when he came over to the other side. We'll make nice with him because we are allies but the moment the mission is over, I will arrest him on the charge of war crimes. He won't have any choice but to submit because going to a Federation prison is a lot more merciful than what will happen to him if he returns to the Dominion after his bridges are so well and truly burnt."

"Jail?" Alex stared at him. "You want to lock him up?"

"Yes," Chris said firmly. "That's as good as its going to get Alex. Now I know that does not seem fair to you under any circumstances and I'm not going to even begin to guess what a suitable punishment for a man like this is, but I don't care about him, I care about you. You get to walk out of this with your life and your career intact. You escaped that prison because you made a choice to survive. Now you're going to have to make the same choice to live. "

"He deserves to die!" She hissed angrily but her rage was more at herself. He was right, she had a lot to live for. There were friends now, some measure of peace in their company that had been lost for so long. After three years wandering through the wreckage of her life, some semblance of the person she had been was making a comeback and Alex did not want to lose that, no matter how angry she was, no matter how terrible the memories. More than anything, she wanted this to be over, so she could move on and sleep without waking up screaming, without recoiling from every man who smiled her way and wanted to touch her.

Like Vin.

She cared about him, suspected he was the threshold of something truly wonderful if only she dared to feel enough to let him in. He wanted to so badly, she could sense it. Alex was not blind to how he felt about her but as adamant as she was about how she felt for Vin Tanner, she knew there was a part of her, terrified of bringing down those walls and letting him warm the cold embers of her tortured soul.

"I am not arguing with you there but that's the deal." Chris returned, sensing she was very near to agreement and drawing upon all the power he had inside to say the words to force her to see reason. "I don't want you to throw your life away because of this bastard. He's already killed the person you were before you wound up in his prison. I am not letting him kill the person you are too."

Alex closed her eyes and wrestled with her conflicting emotions. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to take her dagger and sink it in Lemar's loins as far as she could bury it and watch him bleed to death in a visceral expression of agony but Chris was right, it was not going to happen, even if Ezra's security was lapse enough to permit it. However, the captain was right about something else too. Three years ago, she had decided to survive, and the consequences of that decision allowed her to escape and regain some sense of self almost totally destroyed inside that prison. Now she had to make another choice, just as equally important. She had to decide to live.

She couldn't do that until she let her go of her hate and accepted justice as it stood. She had to if not she would always be trapped in the dark, afraid to dream.

"Alright," she answered reluctantly, feeling as if the words had to be torn from her lips before she could believe she was saying it. "We'll do it your way."

"Good," Chris replied, letting out a sigh of relief. There was a moment there when he was not sure if she would accept his terms. He was grateful she had because he had no wish to pass judgment on her if she carried out her threat and killed Lemar. "Now, I'm giving you a day off duty for you to sort yourself out." Instinctively, he glanced at the demolished room. "I suggest you stay out of his way and even if you still have the urge to kill him, Ezra has a security detail posted to him, to make sure neither of you gets within ten feet of each other."

"I can work from astrometics," Alex said softly, unable to meet his gaze. "I'll stay out of his way and you keep him out of mine. I'm doing this for you Captain and for me as well, but I'm fighting a lot of instincts to do it. I wouldn't tempt fate by putting him in my sights."

Chris approached her for the first time and placed his hand on her face, raising her chin so she would look at him. "This is for the best Alex,' Chris responded. "I know it's hard for you to appreciate that but trust, this way is better for you."

Alex nodded and found herself saying. "I hope you're right Captain, I really do."

And to her surprise, Alex realized she really meant it.

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