Part Seven:

Coming Home

 Four Corner lay less than a day away when Alex decided she could no longer continue keeping Chris trapped in the limbo of sedation for fear of harming him permanently. Bound tightly and kept under close surveillance the moment Alex had delivered her last dosage of morphine, the rest of the seven waited and watched for their leader's awareness to return with a mixture of dread and concern. Vin took first watch naturally, allowing Peso to be led behind the wagon they had procured to transport Chris back to town. Alex sat the head of the vehicle, escorted by Ezra and Nathan as they traveled across the flat landscape towards home.

Despite having recovered Chris, there was no sense of victory to what they had done. Vin felt it worst of all because he alone had seen Chris in the seconds before Alex had drugged him unconscious. He felt grateful that they had been spared that vision and yet he knew that it was only a momentary delay because when he woke, Vin would be able to hide nothing from them. Of course, the others suspected already what he had seen. They only had to look at Alex's bruised cheek, at his swollen eyes, split lip and noticed that he flinched whenever he imbibed any kind of fluid because it stung at the exposed nerves wrought by a shattered tooth. 

There was a line of tension running through all of them as they waited for Chris to regain consciousness. Even though their leader was among them, none of the seven felt they were whole. Alex, who was the outsider, noticed the gray pall that had fallen over the men she loved and the man she was in love with the apprehension of just what would happen when Chris opened his eyes. She doubted she would ever forget the look in his eyes when he had struck her. As for the men who rode with Chris, who were accustomed to him fighting for their lives by the sheer will of his presence, seeing him in such a manic state would be akin to being knifed in the heart. 

Vin watched Chris sleeping and wondered what hell had he endured to unleash the darkness within him. Riding with Chris, one could not be unaware that the man had something of a dark side. It was more than just his black clothes but you could see it lining his face but the nature of Chris had always kept the darkness submerged and Chris was just strong enough to use to his advantage. Now all those restraints had been broken chains of irons snapped like kindling. All that rage and anger spewing forth in a torrent of despair and betrayal because Vin had not reached him in time to stop him.

Vin knew he shouldn't feel guilty but he did.  

He should have known and Chris who obviously had been through something unimaginable had sought someone to blame in his agony. Vin could accept that because Chris was his friend and if he needed someone to hate, Vin could be that for him too. Vin remembered one night some years ago, not very long after the seven had first come together, he had been sitting inside the saloon with Buck Wilmington in the small hours of the night, more than well on their way to being blind stinking drunk when Vin had actually been loose tongue enough to ask Buck how Chris had managed to survive his grief. It was a valid question after all, almost three years after the gunslinger was nowhere near to accepting the death of his family to make one wonder what he must have been like when that pain was fresh and raw.

Buck who just as drunk as Vin at the time had finally deigned to answer. "Easy enough if you can stand the sacrifice," Buck revealed with a little smile filled with such profound sorrow, far removed from his normally easy going self. "You make him hate you. You make him so mad that he's ready to kill you and just maybe, it might take his mind off things long enough for him to forget that eating a bullet ain't the way to get Sarah and little Adam back."

 Vin had merely stared at him and understood then the price. Buck and Chris were never close friends again, not the way they were before the fire. Buck had saved Chris but in saving him, it had destroyed their friendship forever. While they still shared fragments of it now, it was nothing like what it had been and now Vin found himself faced with the same situation that Buck Wilmington had faced when he realised that to save Chris Larabee, he had to make Chris hate him.

 Even if it meant losing his best friend in the world.

 "What the hell's going on?" A low voiced growled at Vin and snapped the tracker out of his thoughts as he raised his eyes just enough to meet Chris' intense glare.

 The gunslinger was lying on his side, arms bound behind his back and legs tied together around his ankles, trussed by like a calf at ranch and while the others had protested about tying Chris Larabee up in this manner, Vin would have it no other way. Only Ezra had stood by his decision and Vin had guessed this was largely due to what Ezra had seen inside the Arena that convinced him that Chris was far too dangerous to them to be let loose.

 "Hey there pard." Vin said easily, cradling his Winchester in his arms.

 "Nice to know that you ain't forgetting we're friends." Chris hissed. "Man wake up this way might think otherwise."

 "Its for your own good." The tracker replied without any hint of concern in his voice.

 "You know it," the gunslinger shot back. "I wouldn't mind seeing your stuff again. Looks like things were getting interesting until Alex stuck her nose into our business."

 Vin did not glance at Alex who looked over her shoulder and then quickly faced front once she saw that Chris had woken. Her back tensed with concern but she said nothing because she did not want to get locked into the verbal duel taking place between her husband and his best friend. She had already learnt her lesson of how much of a liability to Vin she could be by walking in at the wrong time, as it had been proved when she inadvertently stumbled into their fight during the rescue. Her appearance had cost Vin his advantage and Alex was not about to repeat her mistake again.

 "I don't need to fight you Chris," Vin drawled, taking on the appearance who man who was anything but on his guard. "I'm just taking you home."

 "I was home." Chris retorted. "Four Corners means nothing to me."

 "Then why are you still wearing your wedding ring?" Vin looked up and met his gaze pointedly.

 Chris' expression faltered for a moment as if the question had taken him by surprise for Vin saw his brown furrow with uncertainty. He went quiet as he considered what to say and Vin was hardly surprised when the response he received from Chris was weak and stilted.

 "I don't care about the ring," he finally replied. "If my hands were tied around my back, the first thing I'd do is throw the damn thing away." Chris paused enough to let a sneer cross over his face and then added. "Sorry the second thing I'd do."

 "Got a taste for it haven't you?" Vin went back to looking at the landscape they were passing through on their way home. Around him, he could see the other members of the seven keeping their distance so that he could deal with Chris alone. In truth, he did not think anyone wanted to see Chris the way Vin had.

"What?" Chris asked pulling at the ropes around his limbs and finding that the tracker had done a spectacular job of tying the knots because he could not even get them to listen. However, the state of mind he was in was still raging with hostility so he could not think his way out of the situation which was normally how Chris would extricate himself in similar circumstances.

 "The killing."

 "I ain't no murderer," Chris shot back and little sharper than he should. "A man who can't fight shouldn't step in the ring."

 "We ain't in a ring Chris," Vin reminded. "But you still want a piece of me."

 "I want a piece of you because you got me tied up like an animal!" Chris' temper got the better of him and he erupted a litany of curses as he tried hard to free himself form his bonds. "Let me go!" He started to struggle harder until the ropes were rubbing raw into his skin and would tear his flesh from the sheer force of his tantrum.

Alex glanced over her shoulder anxiously, trying to discern what was happening when she saw Vin shake his head slightly, an unspoken order not to interfere. She faced front again, fighting the doctor's instincts that wanted to stop Chris from hurting himself. The others looked similarly disturbed. Buck kept looking this way as he sat astride Beavis, trying not to intervene and told himself repeatedly that this was the only way. JD had rode further out even though he kept the wagon in his sights but the younger man could not face seeing his idol in such a way. Aware of just how much hero worship JD had for Chris Larabee, Josiah had rode to join him and was no doubt offering words of comfort as Chris raged on in the back of the wagon. Meanwhile, Ezra and Nathan kept each other company, trying to remain just as impassive as the tracker but finding they could not, even if both had learn in their own way about detachment.

 However, Vin was not about to release the ropes around the gunslinger under any circumstances and decided to act in order to keep a small problem from snow balling into a large one. Without saying a word, he suddenly shoved his boot against Chris' chest, aware that the stuff in the man' s veins would have allowed him to barely feel it. Nevertheless, the boot pressed into his sternum and shoved Chris back against the side of the wagon. The gunslinger prepared to react before he heard the audible click of the Winchester Vin had been carrying aimed directly at him.

 "Who's kidding who?" Chris croaked, his voice hoarse from his ravings earlier on. "You ain't got the balls to pull the trigger."

 "Don't count on it." Vin said simply, still wearing that nonchalant expression on his face.

 "You won't kill me," Chris laughed, derision in every word. "I'm your friend. You know, the one you came all the way from Four Corners to save. You gonna save me by pulling the trigger on me Vin?" He challenged.

 "Chris," Vin leaned forward just a little hint of a smile on his face. "How long have you known me?"

 "Long enough to know that you won't kill me." Chris returned confidently.

 "I don't have to kill you Chris," the tracker replied. "I just need to wound you enough so that you shut up and quit fussing for awhile. A blown kneecap might sting some but at least I can untie your legs so you don't give me any more trouble. What do you think?"

 "You wouldn't dare." Chris glared at him and was faced with an expression of sharp intensity that could match his pound for pound in determination.

 "Try me, pard." Vin answered. "You see I'm just about willing to do anything to get that garbage out of your veins and if it mean laying you up for six weeks so you can't go running back to that whore for more of that shit she put into you, so be it. I'm game."

 "What shit?" Chris snorted. "What are you talking about?"

 For the first time, Vin's impassioned mask faltered long enough for him to be stunned. He looked over his shoulder long enough to catch Alex's eyes and could see the same shock filtering into her face that he was now feeling around his heart like a clenched fist. All this time, they had assumed that Chris had some idea of what was happening to him. He had to know, after all no drug could change a person so radically from what he was to some unrecognisable monster without giving him some idea of how it had happened.

"You don't know do you?" Vin looked at him.

"Know what?" Chris asked, not really caring and not about to allow Vin to injure him with a wound that would render him incapable of escaping later on. For the moment, he had decided to sit still and play Vin's mind games. He was getting used to them by now.

"That she's been drugging you."

 Chris looked up slowly at the tracker, recoiling inwardly at the thought, not to mention the absurdity of it. "I ain't no opium addict!" He barked, more than just a little defensive for some inexplicable reason. "She made me stronger and better. She promised she would if I just let go and be myself!"

 "She made you forget everything that you are!" Vin roared, feeling his own anger emerge not at Chris but at Laurel who had done this to him. "You have been turned inside out because of her! You think its because you love her! It ain't that all! She pumped you so full of drugs you can't even remember why you're mad or want to hurt someone, just that you do!"

 "You left me!" Chris shouted back. The words spouted by the tracker starting to penetrate a little and he had to say something. It escaped out of him almost without any conscious effort, a string of words that had been clawing release. "I waited and waited for you to come and you didn't! You were supposed to watch my back but you weren't there were you! None of you were! Did you know what it was like! Locked up that cage! I had to get out and the only one who came for me was her!"

 "BECAUSE SHE PUT YOU IN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Vin screamed back at him.

 His words rang through the air and bird took flight at the sharpness of his rage echoing through the flat plains. Those who were within distance of hearing paused and looked as Vin swallowed thickly, breathing hard, feeling frustration and outrage building up inside of him as he found himself as he faced that wall of guilt Chris has used to hurt him. And it had hurt a lot. More than he had ever thought possible.

 "She kidnapped you," Vin continued. "She stole you out of your goddamn room, the night before you were gonna go home to your wife and your son it now seems. You hear that Chris? Your son!"

 Chris' eyes were closed, trying to shut out his words because there was some fragment inside of him that was starting to remember. His son, not Adam, not Billy but his child, the one who had no name. The one that was still slumbering in his mother's womb. In Mary's womb.

God, Mary.

 "NO!!!!!" Chris screamed. "Shut up! Shut up!"

 Vin desisted then and blinked slowly as he saw Chris bunching up into an almost fetal position, being bombarded no doubt by memories, the further away they got from Laurel Chase and Calumet city. He felt his soul groan in anguish as he saw the pain he inflicted on the gunslinger and made another silent oath that a quick death was not good enough for the woman who had done this to Chris Larabee.'

**********

 Thankfully the sun had set by the time the seven made their approach towards Four Corners. The journey had been tough enough with Chris so rabid at one point in his determination to be free of his bonds that Alex had no choice but to sedate him, despite her fears that excessive use of morphine might be inherently dangerous to him. With Four Corners becoming more than a distant sight in the horizon, they could feel the strain of the past two days ride taking its toll upon them. Yet despite their exhaustion, not only from the lengthy trip but also from the emotional difficulty in dealing with their leader, it was not simply fatigue that wore them down but rather the knowledge that their trials were far from over.

 Chris had been relentless in his efforts to escape. The verbal barrage he had subjected Vin Tanner to was only the opening act in the litany of cruelties he had inflicted upon the friends who told themselves with each sharpened barb that it was just the drug talking. When Chris was not pointing out their weaknesses, he was threatening to kill them. The manic need to hurt someone was so prevalent in his eyes that he looked almost feral, like some creature that lived out in the wild, with no concept of conscience, no need for remorse, just a thirst for blood that knew no end.

 He frightened them all.

 At the moment however, Chris rants and ravings were silent. It was Nathan's turn to sit in the back of the wagon with Alex, keeping watch over the gunslinger who was for the moment asleep on the back tray, since Vin needed a break because the tracker seemed to be the focus of most of Chris' rage. Vin did not just need a rest physically but mentally as well. The rest of his comrades and his wife, knew how personally responsible he felt for not keeping Chris from falling into Laurel Chase's clutches. The trouble was, Chris knew it too and striking far deeper wounds with words than fists could ever manage.

 Even though Chris had exhausted himself into sleep, he was far from still. Lying against the wooden floorboards of the wagon, he tossed and turned, breaking out into a sweat until his body was glistening from it. He mumbled incoherently, writhed occasionally and was plagued by demons that were trapped with him in the dreamscape. Nathan watched in a mixture of worry and fascination as Chris suffered in his sleep and knew that the dreams and the inability to become restful was just the first symptom in an ordeal that would be almost as tumultuous as the trip home. As a healer, he knew the signs and while he would have liked to have spared Chris this part of the process, just as surely as Alex must have, Nathan knew that there was no easy road ahead, no potion that could make the step disappear.

 It was a voyage in pain and Chris had to take it if he was ever to be the man he was again.

"It's starting." Nathan remarked, watching Chris struggling in his sleep.

 "Yes," Alex nodded, still at the reins. "It's going to get worse."

 Ezra who was riding up close to the wagon while astride Chaucer had been offering the lady doctor and Nathan some company during this leg of the trip, aware that some distraction was needed while they remained so close to the heart of what was troubling them all. Vin was in the distance, riding alone and wanting some time to catch his breath following the accusations and cruelties inflicted upon him by the near demented gunslinger who wanted freedom so badly that he was willing to risk life and limb by provoking them into freeing him.

 "What is going to become worse?" Ezra asked.

 "Chris," Nathan answered unhappily, unable to shift his gaze away from Chris despite the knowledge that he could not help the man no matter how much his healer's instincts wanted to do so. "He's starting to feel the effects of not getting the drug."

 Ezra frowned and shuddered inwardly, wondering how worse it could get considering what they had seen already. "What are we likely to face, Mr Jackson?"

 "It ain't bad yet," Nathan sighed, running through the symptoms that was borne of normal chemical abuse. What Chris had been given was nothing like what had been previously encountered and the best the healer could do was offer an educated guess and little else. "But it soon will be. We're seeing the beginnings of it now."

 "His metabolism is running like a locomotive," Alex took some weight of the explanation from Nathan and responded to Ezra's query. "Nathan checked his pulse a while ago and his heart race is twice perhaps three times faster. His adrenalin levels are still up and has left him in a heightened state of awareness, even his sleep. His body temperature will start climbing soon and its going to be followed by anything from acute paranoia, sweating, anxiety, cramps, vomiting and fever."

"Will he survive all that?" Ezra asked, unafraid to hide his horror at Alex's answer and looked apprehensively at Chris.

"I don't know," she shook her head. "We have no idea how much of that drug he's been given to say nothing of the fact that Venom is something very new. I am hoping that because its a natural substance that is produced by the body, he won't go through a painful withdrawal but Laurel told me she made some additional elements to the formula to keep better control of the subject so I can't be sure of anything."

 Suddenly their attention was torn away by a sudden groan escaping the gunslinger's lips. Alex and Nathan quickly exchanged glances and she gave the healer a silent entreaty to be careful when he approached Chris to investigate. Chris had already promised he would skin all of them alive for daring to imprison him this way. Having seen the injuries inflicted to Vin, there was not one of them who doubted Chris' words, no matter how tainted they were by the poison in his veins. Alex need not have worried about Nathan for the moment he started approaching Chris, Ezra was watching closely, poised to act in case Chris' cry of pain was another deception engineered for the purpose of escape.

 "Damn!" Chris let out another cry and rolled onto his back, oblivious to the fact that his hands were crushed beneath him. All he could feel was this ache, working its way through the rest of his body, preparing to ignite into a vision of pain he still remembered now. He did not understand why it happened, only that it did and when it came upon him, it was like falling into a pit of molten lava and being eaten alive by fire. There was no controlling it.

 He remembered what it felt like the last time.

 "Let me go!" Chris pushed his head up, craning his neck so that he could see his captors. "I need to get free!"

 "Sorry Chris," Nathan shook his head, holding his ground now that the man was coherent. "Not this time."

 "Let me go, godammnit!" Chris shouted angrily. "I need to get free."

The pain was expanding like the flames of a forest fire, stretching outwards from one singular point, finding fuel to feed its hunger the more time it was allowed to breathe. He was trying not to scream, trying to fight the impending agony but he needed freedom of his limbs to withstand it and the bindings around his hands and legs prevented that. He had to be able to move to tolerate the pain but the harder he struggled against it the more immovable the ropes seemed to be or seemed to him anyway because he was nearing panic.

 "You don't understand!" Chris barked at Nathan as he felt tendrils of it driving through his spine, inches away from spearing its white-hot agony into the depths of his mind. "You have to let me go! Its coming!"

 "What is he referring to?" Ezra demanded, his eyes being able to see past the angry words Chris was cursing them with to glimpse the blind edge of fear that was about to trap Chris in its snare. "What appears to be coming?"

 Alex had pulled up the reins of the horse, halting the wagon in the dry, parched terrain that surrounded most of Four Corners. When she had stopped, she had brought with her the rest of the seven to investigate what was wrong, although they had some idea of it by Chris' shouts. She looked at Chris who was writhing on the floor of the wagon, fighting the ropes around his wrists and ankles, trying hard not to give into the agony wracking his body. Alex could see the beads of sweat forming against his skin, she could see the muscles taut with pain and shuddering with the collapse of imminent defeat when his resistance crumbled.

 "Miss Alex," Nathan looked at her, praying that she had an answer because he had not. In his mind, there was only way to help Chris and it would mean permitting him to go through this ritual of fire because to aid him was the aid the disease.

 "There's nothing we can do." Alex cried out anguished. She was just as frustrated as he was by the conclusion she had reached in regards of what to do in order to help Chris. "He has to ride this out!"

 "You bitch!" Chris lashed out, having enough coherence to hear that. He turned that high powered gaze, normally so full of intelligence and intensity and aimed a warning through her soul that made her feel naked, even with the seven around her. "I'll rip your fucking heart and shove it down Vin's throat! Let go of me!" He roared again, cursing furiously before the pain began to overtake his ability to speak.

 By now, Vin was riding hard towards the wagon, hearing the threats and the demand to be released coming from Chris. Alex had said it was going to be rough and until this journey had begun, he had no idea just how difficult it was going to be. It was not Chris Larabee they were trying to bring home to Four Corners, it was some demented monster that would not hesitate to kill all of them to satiate the insane craving for blood that Laurel Chase had planted in his head.

 "We gotta do something!" Vin heard JD declare as he joined the others who were making a similar approach towards the halted wagon.

 "We can't do anything!" Buck swore, his own nerves getting the better of him because he felt just as much for Chris as the young man at his side. "Nathan's right, Chris has got to get this stuff of him before he can get better!"

 "But listen to him!" JD retorted, looking apprehensively in the direction of the wagon they were nearing. "He sound crazy!"

 "Its the drug." Josiah answered, hoping to soothe the young man's fears. Personally, the preacher could not blame JD's concerns, not when he himself was quaking inside each time he heard Chris shouting and threatening to kill them all. "Its the drug that's talking. He's going through a kind of withdrawal cause he ain't getting it."

 "Maybe if we find some and give him just a little...."JD started to say when Vin arrived and cut him off.

"We ain't giving him any more of that shit!" Vin said fiercely and dared both Buck and JD to say anything about his talking so harshly to JD. "We do as Alex and Nathan say, we let that fucking drug runs its course because there ain't no other way! You give him even a little bit and he won't ever kick the goddamn habit, do you understand me?" Vin stared at JD.

 JD nodded, stinging inwardly as the harshness of Vin's words and just as deeply, Vin ached for speaking to him in that matter but for Chris to come through this, they had to be strong, all of them. "JD," he said in a gentler voice a moment later. "We have to let this happen to him. I don't want to hear him suffer any more than you do but Chris has to be free of this thing. As long as he has got even a little of that stuff inside of him, he'll go running back to her to get more. Its the only way we can get back the Chris Larabee we know."

 Vin turned away and dug his heels into Peso, forcing the horse to move faster so that he could leave the others behind. His jaw tightened in pain as he rode forward, trying to stymie the emotions churning inside of him each time he heard another angry demand or a frantic one from one of their number, begging an answer that would allow them to put an end to Chris' agony.

 "What's going on?" Vin asked as he reached Ezra. By now, Chris' voice could be heard throughout the night and the rage in each word was like the wail of a banshee, tearing through all of them with its unearthly sound.

 "GET THESE FUCKING ROPES OF ME!" Chris shouted as he glared at Vin, recognising the face of his 'dear friend' and aware that he was in this predicament because Vin wanted to make him suffer.

 "Sorry pard," Vin spoke with that same neutral expression that almost bordered on indifference because no one else could as he brought Peso closer to the side of the wagon so he could climb in. Alex was hugging her arms closer to her body as if it was cold even the night was warm. Nathan was watching Chris but Vin could see the tension in his jaw as he steeled himself not to be moved by Chris' demands. "The ropes stay."

 "You bastard!" Chris swore because the pain was so complete he could barely think straight. He was hanging onto his senses with the barest thread and he was struggling to keep his foot hold because he did not want to succumb in front of those who was making him endure this torture. The only thing that made sense through the red haze of agony was that Vin was here and he hated the son of a bitch. His hate was like a lifeline that kept him from drowning in this fire. "You want to make me suffer! You know that you'll always be tied to me as long as I live! We ain't got a friendship! You're a pet! A fucking dog I need to kick around."

 "That's so?" Vin replied, seemingly unconcerned by the taunts even though everyone around him was aghast by the razor sharp ability of those words to make a heart bleed. "I guess this dog finally gets to bite."

 He could not stand it any more and it was wrenched from him, like a child being torn from his mother's arm. Ripped away with so much ease, Chris wondered what happened to the resolve that he was infamous for when he started screaming. His screamed shredded the air around him, pierced through the souls of everyone watching as he writhed in nothing less than white hot pain. The guttural scream was followed by a violent spasm of pain, until Chris' back was a neat arc across the wooden floor as he wailed.

 Alex had tears in her eyes and was openly weeping, finding comfort in Nathan's arms because her husband was like a stone, watching and dying with each howl of pain from the first person to ever mean so much to him in his adult life. Before Chris Larabee, there had been nothing, just the inordinate loneliness left behind by his mother's passing. Chris brought with him all the others and then he brought Alex too and for that there was nothing Vin would not suffer for him.

 Even this.

 "Mr Tanner..." Ezra started to say, in part to defend something about what Chris had said and also to perhaps consider that this brutal cure was not the answer.

 "Don't." Vin said shortly, not wanting to hear.

 "VIN!" Chris shouted again, mindless with agony. "Help me Vin! Goddamn you! Help me! Help me! I need to you to help me please!" His screams decayed into whimpers of agony. "Please Vin, please help me!"

 "Christ." Ezra whispered, thanking the heavens above that it was not his name that was being used because he could not imagine that he would have the same resolve as the tracker.

 "Leave him." Vin replied.

"Leave him?" Alex looked at him.

 "Don't argue with me on this Alex," Vin turned on her with a voice he seldom used on anyone, least of all her. "We're setting up camp right here." He declared. "We can't go into town like this. You said we had to ride this out, we're doing that."

 "Alright," Alex nodded, swallowing thickly because she was not about to incur the wrath that was seething inside those blue eyes, not when she knew better than anyone else, just how much sorrow he was enduring in silence.

 "VIN!" Chris continued to scream. "Help me!"

*********

It went on for most of the night until Chris finally stopped from sheer exhaustion. The effect of his ravings on those around him was profound and yet they could nothing but continue their vigil over their comrade, reminding themselves that this was just an affliction, perhaps not as bad a being shot but no less as devastating in its effects. For much of the night, Vin Tanner sat alone wishing comfort or company from no one, not even his wife. Although it hurt Alex, she allowed him his privacy, aware of what sorrows he suffered listening to Chris.

 When dawn arrived, the group decided it was finally time to return to Four Corners before the town was fully roused In truth, it would raise too many uncomfortable questions and Vin did not want that. The plan was to get Chris into the jailhouse before anyone in town saw him and keep the gunman locked up inside a jail cell for as long as it took his system to be drained of the vile substance that had turned him against everything he knew. Vin's biggest dilemma at the moment still remained Mary. He knew she ought to be told about Chris but somehow, he did not relish what she would find when she came to see her husband. If Chris had been cruel to them, Vin did not wish to imagine what he would say to Mary. The woman had just bore his child and had been through enough without having to endure being on the receiving end of his fury.

 As the wagon rode through the centre of town, the decision about Mary had yet to be reached and Vin pushed Peso up along side Josiah's horse, needing some counseling because despite his determination to be strong for all of them, he did not have all the answers.

He was not Chris Larabee.

"Josiah," Vin announced himself next to the older man even though Josiah had noticed his approach.

"Vin." Josiah said gently, feeling a wave of sympathy as he met those blue eyes and realised that they had aged a lifetime since this had all began.

"I ain't sure what we're going to tell Mary." Vin confessed, feeling vulnerable and scolding himself inwardly because this was the worst time for him to be less than sure of himself. He had to hold the family together. "We can't let her see him, not the way he is."

"I agree." Josiah replied firmly, deciding Vin needed no answers wrapped in enigma, not now. "However, I do believe she ought to know as much of the truth as we can allow her to know."

"I ain't telling her about Chris and the bitch." Vin said with uncharacteristic vehemence lately reserved only when discussing Laurel Chase in any shape or form. "Like everything else, it ain't his fault. If he gets through this, he's gonna feel bad enough with having the burden of Mary knowing about it too."

Josiah tended to agree with that statement and had no doubt that the others would agree with Vin's decision as well. After how much pain Mary had endured to bring little Michael Larabee into the world, it would have been intensely cruel to learn what her husband had been doing while she was suffering through the pain of labour. Besides, after what Chris had endured the night before, he had paid his dues in agony as well.

They arrived at the jailhouse and Four Corners was still wrapped in the smoky cool of morning, with a hint of mist meandering through the streets as the riders rumbled into town. The sun was not quite up yet but its amber light could be seen peeking through the horizon for anyone up this early in the morning . Fortunately, there was no one on the boardwalks or on in sight as the wagon came to a halt outside the jailhouse before Buck and Nathan quickly spirited Chris inside its confines before anyone else appeared on the street and paid too much notice to the prisoner being taken inside.

Vin helped Alex off Peso and noted the concern in her eyes as she met his gaze. He felt guilty for shutting her out at a time like this but he if he started admitting how he truly felt about what they were doing, it would open a deluge inside him that would make Vin good to nobody.

"You go home and get some rest." He instructed kissing her forehead in a conciliatory gesture after speaking so harshly to her, not to mention keeping his distance. She understood of course, Alex always seemed to without his needing to explain himself, still Vin felt it necessary to do nonetheless.

"What about you?" Alex asked, still worried about him despite his attempts to allay her concerns.

"I'll be fine." Vin replied and then spoke to the others with him. "I'll take first watch." He volunteered. "The rest of you go home and get some sleep. God knows you didn't get any last night."

"Vin," Nathan spoke up, not about to disagree with Vin's notion that they should all be getting some rest but the fact of the matter was Vin had slept no more than they did and he appeared to be the one who needed it most. "You're just as tired as we are."

"I'm fine." Vin said abruptly. "Get going. I want someone to take over in a couple of hours. The more you stand here and keep jawing about it, the longer a stretch its going to be."

Although they did not like leaving the tracker alone, the others had to concede his point and knew that Vin would not leave unless it was at gunpoint. Slowly, the group began to disband, heading for the places they called home, with only Alex remaining behind. She waited until they were alone and Vin was starting through the door of the jailhouse when she took a private moment with her husband.

"Vin," Alex said softly as he closed the door behind her and waited for her to speak. She could see the weariness lining his face, not to mention the profound sadness at what his best friend had been reduced to in this last week. Alex only spoke his name and then she wrapped her arms around him and embraced him tight because he needed it and for no other reason.

She felt him stiffen as if he wanted to push her away but when Alex rested his head against his shoulder and pressed her warmth against his body, he melted into her and allowed himself to be comforted.

"Thank you darling," he whispered quietly.

"I love you Vin," she did meet his gaze as she continued to hold him. "Please remember that you are not alone, not for a moment. Chris is hurting and he's twisted up inside because of what she did to him but he has always considered you his friend. There are no many things in life a person can know with that much certainty but I do know that and when this is over, he'll tell you himself."

Vin did not speak and continued to thank god that she was his wife because he would not have endured this without her.

**********

 There was something going on in the street.

This, Julia Pemberton thought as she walked down the boardwalk and saw two men rolling around in the dirt fighting. Whatever the reason had caused the altercation was beyond her caring. In truth, the lady was just was glad to note as she made her way to the jailhouse that it was not Ezra or any of the seven that was embroiled in it. Despite the fact that she loved every one of them as being part of the extended family she had found in Four Corners, they always seemed to be in the centre of trouble.

However, no sooner than that thought had crossed her mind, she knew that it could not possibly be the seven since they were probably still searching for Chris Larabee. Although she had been in town for about an hour, Julia had socialised long enough to visit Mary who was still very much bed ridden and being tended to by Inez who had been staying in the Larabee home as house guest and private nurse. It pained Julia to see the normally strong and determined Mary Travis Larabee so weak and vulnerable. Julia tried to hide her shock at seeing how pale the demure blond had been. Her lips were almost devoid of colour and there were shadows in her face from the loss of blood through the ordeal of childbirth.

Mary had weakly thanked Julia for taking Billy with her during her trip and Julia had to confess that it was not at all a chore. It had been her pleasure to help in some small way and if occupying the mind of a child whom she adored for a few days while he forgot the worries of his mother's state of health and his father's continued disappearance, she was all the more pleased. As of yet the seven had not returned, having left town the day after the birth of baby Michael upon hearing some news from Vin. Julia was on her way home to get some well needed rest when she suddenly noticed the familiar buckskin coat stepping into the centre of the melee of the street and taking charge.

 It was Vin!

 If Vin Tanner was in town then so must Ezra, Julia thought. She had passed by the saloon there a few moments ago and saw no sign of Ezra. If the gambler was not in his tavern then he was most likely asleep or at the jailhouse. Since the latter was on her way home, she decided to drop in and see if he was there. She might have asked Vin but as she noted the tracker pulling apart the two men that looked like drifters, Julia decided he was probably busy and it was a simple of matter of stepping inside the small building to have the question answered.

 She entered the jailhouse and shut the door behind her, immediately locking out the sound of the commotion outside as she did so. The sound of wood against brick was loud enough to rouse the one prisoner inside the cell and she allowed her eyes to scan the length and breath of the small prison before deciding that Ezra was definitely not here. Julia was about to turn back to the door when suddenly a voice spoke to her.

"Hey wait." A decidedly familiar voice called out.

Julia recognised it immediately and swung around, seeing the figure rise from the bed inside the bars of one of the cells. "Chris is that you?"

"Yeah," his voice drawled lazily. "Can you get me out of here?"

"How did you get in there?" Julia asked, not even thinking twice as she retrieved the keys that were hanging on the wall next to the doorway. There was on reason to of course, this was Chris Larabee missing in action for almost a week and like everyone else who waited for his return, she was glad to see him.

"Came in here for a rest and accidentally locked myself in." Chris answered as he watched the petite redhead approach the cell with the jangle of keys accompanying her steps forward.

"Where have you been?" Julia inquired as she reached the door and slid the key into the lock. She was so intent in learning the answer that she had not noticed the way Chris was poised to react the moment she twisted the key and allowed the door to open.

"In trouble." Chris responded, taut with anticipation as he heard metal locking out of place.

No sooner than she started to pull out the key, Chris pulled the door forward. Julia stumbled slightly and he caught her. As the small redhead fell into his arms, he was immediately bombarded by the smell of her, by the warmth of her body in his arms and the needs that had been denied to him started to become an acute craving that he wanted satisfied here and now.

Without giving her chance to recover from her near fall, Chris pressed his mouth against her and kissed her hard. He was brutal in his desire and immediately sent her recoiling as she sunk her nails into his face out of shock and pulled back. Chris let out a small cry of pain before he shoved her through the door of the cell and proceeded to follow her out of it.

"How dare you!" She said in nothing less than outrage.

"Oh come on Julia," he grabbed her arm and pulled her to him.

She was still too shocked by his behaviour to respond and could only stare wide eyed as he held her firm in his grip, blood trickling from the broken skin of his cheek where she had scratched him. A part of her could not believe this was happening. This was Chris Larabee.

"Its not like you don't enjoy spreading it around it is?" He hissed as he looked into her astonished emerald colored eyes with a cold sneer. "I mean, let's face it before Ezra, you were doing everyone. Its my turn for a little taste." He smiled.

"Let go of me you son a bitch!" She slapped him hard and he reacted with little more than a flinch.

Suddenly his hand was holding onto her face by the chin, digging into the skin as he pulled her close and warned. "Don't play rough with me Julia," he retorted. "I do it better."

With that, he slammed her against the wall, knocking Julia's head hard against the brick surface. She felt her head swim as he approached her and the raw edge of panic grabbed her when she saw those predatory eyes preparing to attack. She had to get out here. Scrambling past him, Chris grabbed her arm before she could escape the corner he had placed her and hit her hard with a backhanded blow. She hit the wall again, this time impacting against the hard surface enough to make her swoon with disorientation as she tumbled to her knees. Julia looked up and saw Chris advancing and knew that if she did not make it past him now, she would not be doing so at all. While the present situation did not afford her the time to question what was wrong with him, Julia was not about to remain any longer and find out the hard way. Still on her knees, she scrambled past him only to have Chris sink his fingers into her hair and haul to her feet, forcing a cry of pain from her she felt the strands of hair tugg ing at her scalp.

"You ain't going nowhere." He whispered in her ear and ran one palm around the length of her body, pausing long enough to cup her breast.  

The reason inside Julia snapped.

She dug her nails into his hand, slicing through the initial dermal layer until she penetrated flesh and then she raked her fingers back, bringing blood with each digit. Chris screamed and made an effort to regain hold of her as she broke free, managing only to snare the sleeve of her arm which came apart with a loud rip when she kept going, not prepared to be hindered in her escape by anything, especially by a dress. She hurried to the door just as it opened and she ran straight into Vin Tanner's arms.

"Christ!" Vin cursed, swearing a multitude of silent obscenities at those idiots outside who had still yet to recover from last night's drinking binge when they had made a public nuisance of themselves and required his waling out of this place. Vin had thought it would be alright since Chris was safely inside a cell unable to bring harm to anyone however, he should have known better. This was Chris Larabee after all.

"Nice of you to join our little party." Chris said with a vicious smile. "Shut the door and the two of us can get to know the lady a little better."

 "Get back in the cell Chris." Vin said in a no nonsense voice as produced the Winchester. "We've done this dance before. I told you I won't kill you but I can hurt you."

For an instant, Vin had the terrible feeling that Chris was going to test his resolve but then the first symptoms of withdrawal began presenting itself in the gunslinger's face and he stepped back into the cell. Clutching his side, Chris returned meekly into his cage, perhaps realising as his frenzy began to fade what was coming and it might be truly safer to be confined for his own sake.

"You always had good timing Vin," Chris said hoarsely, descending from that place of black rage that had almost caused him to do something most unspeakable. A moment ago, he had no idea where he was. Then Vin had stepped into the jailhouse and stopped him from further venting his desires on the woman who was staring at him at this instant, with tear filled eyes. Julia gaped at him with shock intermingled with confusion and fear, unable to understand why he was behaving in this vile manner. As he felt her terror, Chris found himself feeling something very unexpected

Relief.

He looked at the man brandishing the gun and although a moment ago, he wanted to tear Vin Tanner's heart right out of his chest, he did not feel that hostility now. Instead he felt something that had been buried inside of him for so long that he could not remember when it had gone, knowing only that the pain that was twisting up his insides like a corkscrew, had released it from its hiding place. "I need to sit down." He said breathlessly, staggering into the cell when suddenly the pain surfaced suddenly, with even more intensity than before and he screamed in guttural pain as he fell against the bars, clutching the length of iron as agony racked through him.

Vin took a step forward when Chris turned around and faced him, looking not at the enemy for the first time but at his friend. In the mire of his agony, Chris had achieved the clarity that had been lost to him when he became that other person, that animal that hurt all his friends. For the first time in too long, he had some sense of himself, some idea of the man he had been. It took the pain to make him focus and then Chris realised that was what it had always taken to make him strong.

 The pain.

Always the pain. When Sarah and Adam had died, he had wanted to die too but when he did chose to live, the pain of their loss had strengthened him. It had fired his soul with a hard edge that made him damn near invulnerable to the men who tried to kill him and to those who followed him were more than ready to die for him. Men like Vin Tanner who had had allowed him to gut them with his words just so he could not indulge himself in the rapture of taking a life because Laurel's drug had made him into a savage. Men who were his friends.

"Vin!" Chris looked at him, trying not to scream again and form some coherent words.

"I'm here pard," Vin felt his heart quicken because what he was hearing from Chris was not the creature that had taunted him the night before. Nor was it the man who had murdered all those others in the arena but his friend, the one he was willing to endure all this to have back in one piece.

"Lock me up!" Chris gasped. "Lock me up before I hurt someone else!"

 Vin blinked, feeling himself almost overcome with emotion hearing that simple demand. Overcome because it was Chris who was pleading with him to shut the cell door as Vin hurried forward, retrieving the key from the floor where Julia had dropped it in her struggles with Chris. Chris was tearing at his skin, leaving far more vicious scrapes in his flesh than Julia had been forced to deliver when she was fighting for her life. Chris dropped heavily into his bunk and buried his face in the pillow as he started to feel the withdrawal tearing him inside out

His muffled screams soon filled the room.

Vin shut the door and locked it before staggering backwards, trying to remain strong just for a little longer when he noticed Julia who was sobbing. He took a step towards the small redhead and allowed her to take solace in her arms as she wept her fears away.

"What in God's name happened to him?" She demanded after a moment, pushing away enough to meet his gaze while tears still ran down her cheeks as she wiped the blood running down her nose.

Vin did not answer that question but managed another. "I don't know," he replied. "But at least he's back now." His voice almost broke as he made that statement. "He's back."

*********

 Chris was home.

 It was all Mary could think of as she lay in her bed, watching the sky outside her window evolve from day to night with that news encompassing her thoughts so completely that she knew nothing else and had hardly noticed the passage of time drifting past her. She lay against the soft mattress, hearing the distant cooing of her baby in his crib as he remained mesmerized by the little mobile made of brightly colored paper birds that dangled overhead, oblivious to the trials that both his mother and father were enduring. She remembered what Buck had said and what he had tried not to say, trying to remain indifferent to her state of her health so she would not coax the truth from him. However, Mary knew the truth inside her soul and with that knowledge, there was nothing Buck could keep from her. As best as she could understand it, Chris was not himself. He was hurt badly and worse yet, he did not know her. Mary ruminated on that horrifying thought for hours after Buck had gone, rememberin g every single moment of her life with Chris Larabee and refusing to believe for one moment that he could ever forget her.

Women did not think with the language of the mind as men often did. Perhaps a hundred years from now, someone would discover why that was but for the here and now, it was a truth as universal as the fact that the sun would come up every day. Mary did not think with her mind even though she used it better than most women of her day. She thought with her heart and her heart whose relationship with the soul was so interconnected that there was no way to discern where one began and the other ended knew that her husband needed her.

Even if he did not know who she was.

Mary pulled herself out of bed, feeling her body ache in pain as she did so and refusing to allow the weakness that had blighted the joyous occasion of bringing her son into the world hamper her any further. Chris needed her and she was going to him even if it meant risking her health. Her body heaved in protest as she exerted it more than she ought to at this delicate time when she forced herself to leave the softness of the mattress and support herself on her own two feet. Standing upright brought a wave of dizziness to her but Mary did not care.

 She reached for her robe and took a step forward, feeling the physical limitations of her body reminding her acutely of its presence. She took a deep breath and steadied herself and took a few more steps, all the way to Michael's crib. She paused then and looked at her son. His eyes were following the movements of the birds flying in their circular path over him, fascinated by their colour. Mary allowed herself a little smile as she once again sighed with the pleasure at his inheriting his father's eyes. She wondered what it would have been like to know Chris in the days when he looked through his own eyes with such wonder, before the pain and loss had made them so different than the pure product she now saw.

Mary had little time to ponder that question and stopped before her wardrobe, retrieving a long coat, which she slid over her bare shoulders, completely unconcerned that she was wearing only her nightgown beneath it. She slipped on her slippers and continued out the door, moving quietly most because she was too weak to go any faster. She crept down the stairs, hearing the voices of Buck and Inez, catching up after days apart. Mary ensure that her departure went unnoticed because Inez would kick up a royal fuss if she even thought that Mary was attempting to leave her bed, let alone the house. Inez was just as fiercely protective of her health as she was about Elena Rose's and tended to treat Mary in the same way when the blond would not cooperate.

Stepping out of her house, she was immediately treated to the warm heat of the disappearing day against her skin. She knew it was not all, proper that she venture out of the house like this but she did not care. Taking a deep breath of fresh air heated by dust and intoxicating because its content was so filled with life, Mary continued gingerly down the boardwalk, making her way towards the jailhouse. She was completely oblivious to the stares she was garnering from the good folk of Four Corners, who was wondering with looks of unhidden astonishment, why she was walking around the way she was.

"Mary darling," Gloria Potter met her on the boardwalk, having come out to investigate the slight murmur that had rippled through her store when Mary had walked past. "You should not be out." The older woman said with genuine concern, able to tell by the near gray pallor of her skin that she had not returned to her former robust state of health. "You just had a baby my dear, you need to rest."

"No its alright," Mary said quietly. "I need to walk. I feel like I've been trapped in a prison all week. I need to feel the sunshine."

She did not want to say that her husband was suffering inside the jailhouse and that his need for her overrode Mary's concerns over her health. Buck had mentioned that they were keeping Chris' return to Four Corners quiet for the moment. Although some of the townsfolk had knocked on the door of the jailhouse to investigate some of the screams that were emanating form the building, the lawmen had reassured them that it was nothing to worry about, attributing the commotion to a drunk they had in the tank.

"But Mary...." Mrs. Potter started to protest when Mary pulled away and continued up the streets, refusing to be deterred in any way from her course.

Chris needed her and that was all there as to it.

*********

"Mary," JD exclaimed when he opened the door to the jailhouse, following the knock he had heard that drew him forward in the first place. He had thought it was another nosy person trying to inquire what was the cause of the screams they had heard from the jailhouse a short time ago. Now as he saw Mary waiting entrance into the jail, he wished it for such inquiries again.

The youth stared at the woman for a moment, uncertain of what to do, aware that he could not keep her out and feeling inwardly that he did not really have a right to.

"I want to see him JD." Mary said firmly, with a spark in her blue gray eyes that told him immediately that she would not take no for an answer and that it was best to concede defeat now before any more was said.

"But...." he stammered.

"Now JD," she repeated herself. "Now."

JD glanced over his shoulder at Josiah who was accompanying him while they kept a vigil on Chris, continuing the cycle that had begun since the return of the seven to Four Corners. The preacher nodded at him slowly, deciding that they had no choice in the matter because Mary did have a right to see him and neither was willing to aggravate a woman who in her sickly state had forced herself halfway across town to see her husband. Neither of them was man enough to stand up to that kind of fierce determination.

JD pulled open the door and Mary stepped inside slowly.

Both men tried to hide how shocked they were at her appearance because she looked very pale indeed with shadows under her eyes, no doubt from exhaustion over the difficult delivery as well as worrying over her husband's disapperance. Mary entered the room and she could hear loud murmurs of speech, crying out in anger at times and sobbing in pain at the others. She knew without having to see it for herself that it was Chris making those sounds.

She exchanged glances with Josiah and JD as she neared the cell where Chris was currently suffering the pain of withdrawal. As she neared, she could smell the stench familiar to that of vomit and felt her heart ache inside her chest more potently than the stitches that were holding her womb close, at the thought of what he was enduring.

She found him on the floor of the cell, knees pressed up to his chest, holding his legs close to his body as he fought against the pain. Sweat covered every inch of him as the spasmodic jerks in his limbs indicated the malaise he was attempting to overcome as he fought to dispel the noxious substance inside his body.

Mary allowed herself to slide to the floor and she moved right up to the bars before peering at Chris through the lengths of metal. "Chris." She called out softly.

Chris responded immediately, reacting to her voice like someone had touched his skin. He met her gaze with bloodshot eyes and grit his teeth as recognition flooded into his mind.

The memory of gold hair.

"Go away!" He gasped out loud, with tears running down his cheeks as he was rendered inside by the cramping sensations that were driving him mad. "Go!"

"No," she shook her head slowly. "I won't."

"Go!" He shouted louder, becoming more agitated by her continued presence. "I....don't....want....you...to...see...me....like.....this!" Each word was a painful stutter.

"I love you Chris," Mary said softly, resting her head against the bar and continued to speak with a gentle sigh. "He's beautiful, you know." She smiled, not quite looking at him and allowing that hypnotic voice to filter into the room. It was almost like music and JD and Josiah who watched and listened were similarly entranced by the siren song of deep abiding love overcoming all odds.

"He looks just like you. He doesn't have any hair yet but the eyes are all yours." She continued, letting her words soothe him where nothing else could reach. "I kept staring into them that first day, knowing that as long as he kept looking at me with those beautiful eyes, you weren't really gone."

"Oh God Mary!" Chris gasped and crawled to the bars like a frightened animal. He was next to her in seconds, taking her outstretched hand in his and cradling it next to his body as he started to weep in deep loud sobs. "I couldn't remember you! I could feel you inside me but I couldn't remember you!"

Mary blinked and felt the tears run down her cheeks as Chris held her hand close to his chest, rocking back and forth slowly as he continued to sob. She slipped her other hand through the cage that separated them and stroke his hair gently, never loving him more than at this moment.

"I remembered you Chris," she smiled. "That's enough for the both of us."

"I knew your name and I knew that you were someone once but I couldn't see you!" He bent forward, leaning into her soft caress against his brow, not even bothering to compose himself because the withdrawal had ripped control and restraint away from him. "I knew things about who I was but I couldn't remember what any of it meant to me and after awhile, I didn't even care."

Mary felt her soul shudder seeing this man she loved so much, this man who was always so strong for her, reduced to this. "Listen to me," she said firmly and made him look at her again. "I love you and you remember me now which means you're almost there. You have to hang on for me Chris, you have to hang on for me and for our sons. Do you understand?"

Chris nodded wildly because that much sunk in without difficulty.

"For you Mary," he whispered in understanding. "For you."

TO BE CONTINUED